Today am special treats for BoggartBlog fans; while ghost writer Ian dayoffs having to cover world events in Singapore big Boggart Boss Jenny am fillings in for. Generous and considerate boss boggart amn’t Jenny?
Send Ian to report on Olympian Gamings I have, sayings “tell them bog snorkelling must be Olympian sport or I am turn atty – letics track into swamp, oh yes.
Yesterdays Jenny have jollies too, I am go Scottishland for help with protestings about G8. What them X – Factors singing people go to do with third world poverty I asking, oh yes? Nessun Dorma my algae covered arse, they am not sleep in Africy because too hungry. So Jenny thinking “security am protecting world leader from realities and crusties, protest am needing 20,000 year olds pan dimensional being to confronting they and telling no more fuckupings world or I make floods and hurricanes and big shit hittings wind turbine am.”
Americy they am causings Jenny big bog problem, draining aquifers for diswasher usings. So bad now, in New Orly – leans stiffs staying underground and not popping ups like they should from waterlogged graveses. What scary about stiffs what stayings underground? What good to boggart are place without bogs coz all water in dishwasher, oh yes?
So Jenny go through streams and rivers and swamps and a toad tunnel under motorway and hide ready to make protest. When Americy – can guy am go for walk near ornamental pond there much bubbling and farty smells and gushings swirlings vortices then Jenny am confront him in all her irresistibe loveliness and leg of cured pork behind my back am have, Oh yes.
“What am goings on?” him say. “Shoot this crazy old bitch,” him say but security guards am not see pan dimensional manifest stations so I whack him with pork and say “It ham, Bush.”
Then back into pond and swimming away in all directions at once am with sound of manic laughter booming out of every toilet and sewer outlet in Scottishland.
love and peas,
Don’t Miss Tomorrow’s BoggartBlog featuring a special on the spot report from Singapore and analysis by top conspiracy theorist Ed. Butt.