Heather McCartney Vegan – She’s pulling your leg.

For a long time criticism of the McCartneys was a media taboo, Paul is such an all round good guy and ayway we are running out of Beatles much too quickly. And to attack Heather, suggesting she might be a publicity hungry gold – digger was to attack Paul. Since the marriage break – up however, the tabloids have declared open season on H Mills – McCartney. This gives Boggart Blog an chance to bring to you an exclusive report of a conversation that took place on the patio of the McCartney home and was overheard by Jenny Greenteeth as she was lurking in a ditch on the estate. Jenny recalled the exchanges verbatim while under hypnosis.

Paul:
Heather, come ‘ead, its lunchtime an’ Stella’s in the kitchen warming up some of R.Linda’s vegan lobscouse. D’y’ fancy some or wha’

Heather:
Howway man, vea – gan lobscouse, gerroutovit, ah’m on a low – carb diyet. Ah’m gaan hav’ some raw beebeh see-al.

Paul:
Yer norravin baby seal again are ya, yer’ve ‘ad a lorra baby seal this week.

Heather:
Whyaye man, its me favo. The eskimos knaw a thing or twa aboot foo-ad.

Paul:
Burrit doesn’t fit our image chuck, not with me owning R. Linda’s vegetarian ready meals an’ all that.

Heather:
Image be buggered, weez at hyem man, giower workin’ yersel’.

Paul:
Well OK chuck, but could yer tek the ‘ed off, I ‘ate to see them big sad eyes starin’ up at me from the plate.

Heather:
Howway yer big nancy. Did yer say Sstella’s in the kitchen (SHOUTS) Hey, sparrasankles, are yer gerrin uz some scan?

Stella (off):
Are you addressing me?

Heather:
Haad yer gob wi’ that posh talk lady, Ah’m yer mam noo ye knaw. Gi’ me ony lip an’ ah’ll clatter yer lugs.
Stella:
You will never be my mother, you’re just a gold digging slag who has her claws in R. Da’.

Heather:
Paul, are you gaan kick her arse or am I…..Right, yer coppin’ oot as usual. You lady, ootside noo. If ah want tae eat a seal bairn I’ll feckin’ eat one.

Stella:
Though titty, there’s none left. The only rotting carcass in your fridge is a chicken.

Heather:
Fine, ah’ll have a leg.

Paul:
Don’t talk to Stel like that. Listen chuck, there’s something I’ve been gorra say, in this family we are committed vegetarians. We take vegetables seriously.

Heather:
Yer kiddin’ man, I knaw yer didda single wi’ Michael Jackson but that wez years ago.

Paul:
No, vegetables as in food.

Heather:
Howway man, yer divvn’t caal that mung bean shite food dee ye. Meat is propah scran.

Paul:
Me an’ R.Linda both believed we have no right to make living creatures suffer for our benefit.

Heather: Dee yer mean yer stoppin’ mekkin records then, pet?

One thought on “Heather McCartney Vegan – She’s pulling your leg.

  1. Stella; “My luvley mop top pa doesn’t need to stop making discs – he hasn’t written a top 1000 tune for 25 years .. . .put that darned spliff out daddy, it’s your 10th today already!!!”

    Like

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