Blair’s Last Audience – the real conversation

Blair’s Last Audience with The Queen. What was really said.

29 June 2007
We at Boggart Blog have always prided ourselves on being able to bring readers exclusive coverage of national and international events. Today we are very privileged to have obtaind a transcript of the conversation during Tony Blair’s last audience with The Queen.

Queen:

Yo! Bleah

Blair:

Your servant ma’am

Queen:

We are surprised you are still arind, you little slime ball. The papers said that Cuddle a Chav chappie was taking over.

Blair:

Hug a Hoodie ma’am. Cameron’s catchphrase is Hug a Hoodie.

Queen:

Well we don’t think that will go dine well with the punters. Bruce Forsyth is much better; Nice to see you, to see you NICE. Anyway, its past time you were gorn, We are fed up of you hanging arind upsetting the corgis. Now Bleah, what do you want?

Blair:

Hey, call me Tony. You know when I take on a job I like to see it through to the end. Now I promised New Labour would create a new, modern, forward looking Britain ready to lead the world forward into a modern new mil…

Queen:

Bleah, you’re blethering. There will be nay blethering in our presence,We cannot be having with it. Nigh, One is actually quite glad you came today. We wanted to have a word about your recent antics which have pissed us orf somewhat.

Blair:

My antics Ma’am, surely not? I think everybody knows I’m a pretty straight sort of a guy…

Queen:

Blethering again Bleah. One told you one cannot be having with it. Nigh think on.

Blair:

The reason I am here is to…

Queen:

I know, you handing over to that miserable Scots bugger.

Blair:

Queen:

Don’t blether. As We said, we are pissed orf with you. What is all this business abite building bridges between faiths. We are Head of the Church and any bridges will be one way. Anyone can cross the bridge and join my faith but people who want to leave can jolly well swim.

Blair:

But….

Queen:

We also heah you have been sucking up to Papists. You are our Prime Minister and our Prime Minister does not suck up to Papists. Check the job description.

Blair:

But surely ma’am

Queen:

No jiggery popery, we cannot be having with it.

Blair:

But I thought, y’know, if I could just, in a manner of speaking, just talk as it were, to other faiths, it would improve…

Queen:

One has here a pind coin. See that little picture on it? That’s us, that is. See what it says there? Fid Def, that’s Latin for Defender of the Faith. We defend the faith and if we want your help we will jolly well arsk for it.

Blair:
Well I thought if I was, as it were, in a manner of speaking, speaking on behalf of the…

Queen:
Bleah, what part of our faith, our rules do you not understand? No in a manner of speaking as it were, no blethering, no jiggery popery and no flogging orf titles to the highest bidder. You will find that also is our prerogative You’re Fired.
Nigh fack orf you little shit and send in that miserable Scots bugger. And Bleah! Don’t even think abite nicking the silver for souvenirs on your way ite.

SIGH

Prime Ministers eh? You can’t live with ’em and you can’t rule withite them.

END

16 thoughts on “Blair’s Last Audience – the real conversation

    • Ianrthorpe’s post, Blairs Last Audience …, is very clever and very funny. It’s just a pity that that the idiot lefty loony brigade actually take that sort of satirical stuff seriously. As for you MrCrip, you’re nothing but a self-promoting obnoxious little SPAMMER!

      Like

      • Now behave! I am actually very left wing and so are most of my friends but none of us ever take Boggart Blog seriously. The only people who ever have are of the polituical and social right.

        All comments are welcome here, even from people calling me a lefty loony. Every post increases my visibility on search engines.

        Like

      • Sorry IRT! Only just read your reply, and it wasn’t you I was calling a lefty loony. I can tell the difference between satire and the malicious venom pushed out by some lesser bloggers. Your stuff is very funny. I hope we can be friends. :))

        Like

  1. Olá Jenny Greenteeth
    Sou brasileiro, escritor e editor do jornal infanto juvenil intitulado O Brasileirinho. Ao acessar a BBC encontrei seu Boggartblog.
    Gostei muito. Parabéns pela originalidade.
    Voltarei mais vezes.
    Sucessos.

    Like

  2. Followed your link from gather.com…
    Brilliantly satirized, I’m trying to forward this to my dad an expat Brit living in Canada… he will enjoy this I’m sure. 😀

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s