Bonfire Month, Halloween Fortnight

Bonfire month is upon us once again. Wasn’t Tony supposed to have done something about this? The local hoodies have been letting off fireworks for over two weeks now. Funny how the police never seem to notice the noise or the rockets lighting up the sky.
Then Mr. Fuckwit up the road has a firework party on Saturday for his daughter’s 10th birthday. Of course he doesn’t start letting off his fireworks until about 11pm, which is, as I’m sure you’ll all agree, an appropriate time for a 10 year old girl’s party.
Organised bonfires will be taking place on Friday 2nd, Saturday 3rd, Sunday 4th and Monday 5th November.
Then, of course, there will be some people who were away at the weekend as it is half term so they’ll probably have fireworks the weekend after.
It’s no wonder the gunpowder plot was discovered if poor old Guy was going down to the cellars and setting off a bit of gunpowder every night for a month.
Of course it’s not just the fireworks. Practically since the little darlings went back to school shops have been stocking up on witch, costumes, broomsticks and pumpkins. There were some children out trick or treating last weekend. The fact they didn’t have costumes and didn’t want a treat suggested to me that they were effectively demanding money with menaces, presumably to go and spend on fireworks which they can then let off on the rec or the slag heaps any day except November 5th.
Boggartblog readers I call on you to join us in reclaiming these traditional British celebrations, anybody caught with a firework on any day but Nov. 5th should have it shoved where the sun don’t shine and when the little bastards ring that doorbell and threaten you with the crazy string just shower them with flour and eggs, then dunk their heads in a bucket of cold water and explain that it’s called apple bobbing.

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4 thoughts on “Bonfire Month, Halloween Fortnight

  1. I don’t often thank my local council for anything, but I am pleased to say they have printed off a load of ‘No to Halloween’ posters people can put in their windows, telling people they will not accept trick or treat visits and asking them to enjoy their evening elsewhere. Quite a number have been put up.
    The fireworks that started the nightly displays round out way were minutes after the end of the England South Africa match.

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  2. I read a piece today by and American writer deploring those Brits who blame America for Halloween. She said American halloween is about kids getting sweets, no money is involved, nobody in a hoodie and weilding a kinfe gets so much as a fun sized twix and fancy dress is essential, in fact its the whole point of the evening.
    Our Halloween has just become an extension of Penny For the Guy which became pound for the guy and eventually merged with carol singing.

    My American friends tell me the only places in America where people bang on your door and demand money are inner city ghettoes. But it isn’t just a Halloween/Christmas thing there, its a nightky occurrence.

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    • The other important facts are it only happens on 31st October and it is only for little children.
      It’s probably the whole dragging out of it that gets me the most. Is it a particularly British/ English thing to change the date of an event to suit our needs, so we have bonfires at the weekend irrespective of when Bonfire Night falls, presumably so we don’t keep the children up late on a school night….bollocks. Perhaps so Mum and Significant other can get rat arsed whilst allowing their kids to run riot in a potentially dangerous situation and somebody else can be held responsible. You can bet your bottom dollar that if the Last Supper had been a barbecue we’d be celebrating Easter in the middle of August, or probably anytime from April to the middle of October.

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