Confessions of an English Teacher (Coronation Street)

Ooer Missis, its all going on down Coronation Street.

Its time to say I think the soap opera writers just push it too far at times. All fiction requires suspension of disbelief but really lines have to be drawn.

At the moment Corrie has a storyline running that involves middle aged but OKish attractive knicker – stitcher Sally trying to better herself by getting a degree in literature (and when you consider some of the types who have degrees in literature, this is a laugh for a start.) Not being the most academically gifted knicker – stitcher in the world Sally was soon struggling with Shakespeare’s The Tempest. Now you would think a character who only exists on television would take to The Tempest, after all, fiction characters are such stuff as dreams are made of. But no, Sally did not get it, so she booked some private tuition with local English teacher John, despite the fact that she tends to fall in love with any man who talks to her in a civil way. Sure enough she only has to hear him say “thou art more lovely and more temperate” to develop a huge crush on John. But this is soapland and ‘ere long cold winds are shaking the darling buds of May. John’s girlfriend Fiz, a fellow knicker stitcher of Sally has noticed the star pupil had a crush on her man and even Sally’s dim witted hubby Kevin is starting to suspect there is something going on. You can always spot that Sally is in love with yet another middle class slime ball, she stops giving Kev his pie and chips and starts trying to make him eat cous-cous.

Meanwhile dastardly John, while teaching Sal about Shakespeare’s Darling Buds has been shaking the darling buds of Rosie, Sally’s winsome sixteen year old daughter who has also been enjoying her private lessons with John who was her techer in school. Sex pot Rosie, not the usual self – obsessed teen has actually noticed her Mum’s crush on John and has taken to ripping her outer clothes off and prancing around in Agent Provocateur undies whenever John is giving Sally one…erm…an English lesson. Sadly for Sally, young Rosie fills her bra better than her Mum ever did.

Meanwhiler, Fiz is fighting for her man and worse, the other knicker stitchers who know Sally is “no better than she ought to be,” and think she is a snob, are on Fiz’s side.

Desperate to get John’s attention focused on her once more, Sally even sprayed Kev’s pie and chips with air freshener lest the smell stimulated in John appetites other than those she planned to satisfy. This gave Kev several kinds of cancer plus grounds for divorce.

Its all went up in smoke on Bonfire night, Sally confessed her love to John, who straight away told Rosie. Soon Rosie will tell Fiz to divert suspicion from herself and everyone will tell Kev who will buy himself another meal of pie and chips. In the ensuing mayhem it will emerge that John has been boffing Rosie. Fiz, Sally and Kev will kill John, the dog Schmichel will eat Kev’s pie and chips and Fizz will develop Lesbian tendencies and eat Rose.

See what I mean? It just goes way over the top. It is pushing the limits of drama too far, stuff like that could only happen in real life.

7 thoughts on “Confessions of an English Teacher (Coronation Street)

  1. I can’t believe it! you watch coronation street?! and you seem like such a well educated man. You couldn’t pay me to watch ANY soap mate, I’d rather watch the windows pass me by as I jumped off the nearest block of flats.Shame on you!


  2. Well actually I cheat 🙂 My wife watched Corrie and Emmnerdale so I am aware of the characters though I read while the soaps are on – it would be an effing good book that stopped me looking uo while Lucy Pargeter (Chasity in Emmerdale) is parading about in a short skirt though. Then I read the soap updates on texetext to get plot details when I want a post for the blog.

    Boggart Blog is as phoney as Blue Peter you know.


    • Nobody commented on my post about Stephen Poliakoff’s play Joe’s Palace. I guess the soaps attract more attention than quality drama even among people who don’t watch them.


  3. You could well be right. But I didn’t come across your post on Joe’s Palace (not that I’m saying I’d have posted anything sensible if I had!) 😉 Sometimes my home blog page comes up with posts for friends I don’t even have… and misses out friends that I do!

    At times like this I feel I have vertigo again…..:roll:


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