The UFO Files – Turd Nine From Outer Space

More files on incidents involving UFOs (Unclassified Fun Opportunities) were released by the Ministry of Defence this week and these contain some stories that are very difficult to ascribe to overindulgence in Scrumpy Cider, Theakstons Old Peculiar or recreational phamaceutical products.

One of the most mysterious is the 1991 spate of sightings. In the most reliable report the pilot of an Alitalia jet on its final approach to Heathrow noticed his plane was being buzzed by a long, thin, wingless brown object. He contacted air traffic control to ask what was going on and was told the flying poo had suddenly appeared on radar screens a few minutes earlier. Shortly after it disappeared just as mysteriously. For several months in the same year sightings of similar unidentified flying jobbies were reported in various locations.

The attack, not known officially as the Turd Nine From Outer Space incidents (they don’t have much imagination in The Ministry Of Defence) was investigated by civil and military authorities. It was clear many of the sightings were recorded by sane, level headed people, pilots, air traffic controllers, military personnel, people trained to report bare facts without embesllishment. The presence of physical entities was confirmed by scientific monitoring equipment. The investigation could throw no light on the origin of the hardware though, only conforming that the airborne plops were neither guided missiles not weather balloons.

The case was filed as unsolved but it does suggest the aliens have technology far beyond anything yet available to our military forces and should they decide to attack we’re well in the shit.

Boggart Blog’s theory on the turds from outer space. Imagine an alien civilisation on a planet in a dying galaxy who wish to seed new civilisations in corners of the Universe with better prospects. They load a few hundred thousand beings in a gigantic intergalactic transporter and set off to journey across boundless space in search of a new home. Several thousand generations later the ship’s waste disposal tanks are a tad full. This triggers and automatic process which compresses the brown smelly slurry and jettisons it just as they are passing earth.

Sci-Fi writers just never address questions like “where do the jobbies go.” When we do, many mysteries are solved.

UPDATED 15:41 Feb12, 2009.
Check out the lastest on the Turd Nine From Outer Space UFO invasion in our post The Return Of Turd Nine From Outer Space


Astronomers reveal fast FRBs have been discovered coming from the same mystery cosmic source
Mars Attacks A large monolith found on the surface of Mars raises a number of questions. Was the rock sculpted by the same alien race that sent the Turds From Outer Space to spy on Earth?
Before Big Bang – part 1
Before Big Bang part 2
The Grenteeth take on that insoluble question “what existed before The Big Bang
Looking At The Stars

ET Phone Home – The Science Of Wasting Taxpayers’ Money
When one of the most famous and highly promoted science fanboys starts to question the official narrative about exploring distant galaxies, meeting exotic aliens (and inviting them all to come to earth and live on welfare in the western democracies) we have to wonder did he fail to win the prize for whackiest theory at this year’s Star Trek convention or something?
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2 thoughts on “The UFO Files – Turd Nine From Outer Space

  1. …But Some Of Us Are Looking At The Stars…Every now and then we will post a blog on the weirder side of life; the latest UFO sightings (Turd Nine From Outer Space) cases of Alien Abduction, reports of the Amoeba Contabulae in Did You See That, said to be the inspiration for H. P. Lovecraft’s C…


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