Futile: The Government’s Latest Job Creation Scheme

So in the face of a collapsing global economy, the terminal decline of manufacturing industry and rising unemployment, at a time when real jobs are as rare as rocking horse shit, the government is going to “help” single parents by cutting their benefits and threatening starve their kids to bully them back into meaningless, candy – floss jobs.

People who refuse these minimum wage jobs the government will create will lose money. People who take the minimum wage jobs will lose money as the allowance for childcare will not cover the full cost of paying somebody to look after the children while the parent works.

On the upside the scheme will create thousands of jobs for nursery nurses and child minders. The ideal people to fill these unskilled jobs will be single mothers. So women will be paying someone else to look after their children while they earn money looking after other people’s families.

You can’t fault the logic, it’s the sanity that falls short.

A writer who claims to have been involved in drafting these proposals defends his brainchild in Give Up The Cliches. Why are we not surprised he hasn’t the sense to keep a low profile.

But while we nasty cynics at Boggart Blog can only poke fun at the government Guido Fawkes is full of praise for the way Flash Gordon saved the world today.

More humour every day from boggart blog

14 thoughts on “Futile: The Government’s Latest Job Creation Scheme

      • Its a sad image isn’t it – but could it be worse?

        How about being in Cleggy’s Clown Troop. I can just imagine them trying to get their act on at the matinee of Mandelson and Brown’s Milleniun Circus, (lots of whipping, no animals or laughing at the short people and a health and safety warning between every turn) and afterwards racing across town to fill in with a few prat-falls at Cameron’s Big Toff, while the nets are put up for the Amazing Osborni – Flying Trapeze Artiste Extraordinaire.

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  1. Rocking horse shit?

    Unicorn shit more likely 😉

    Which reminds me……..on the subject of real jobs. Nobody seems to do them anymore.

    I was at Frankie Boyle’s gig at the Apollo and he actually praised somebody in the audience for having a real job. He was an electrician. Well he got my respect.

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    • Unfortunately when I was a technology systems consultant I automated away most of the real jobs in offices and factories. People are only employed now to make bosses feel important – apart from hands on occupations like electricians, plumbers and bloggers of course 😀

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      • It must be my age. I’m getting old. But it’s true though isn’t it.

        I was sitting watching a dvd of a comedian interacting with his audience and when he asked them what they did, it was all vague office jargon. And then it struck me, nobody does a proper job.

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      • No, it isn’t a case of getting old, its a case of technological advanges moving more quickly than human societies can adapt to them.

        If Governments weren’t so obsessed with growth and numbers and statistics we should really be moving towards a society where most people could spend their time doing fulfilling jobs.

        Keith Waterhouse wrote a novel in the 1960s in which the central character worked in the offices of a company that made components. When he asked what sort of components he was told “for machines.”

        And what to those machines make? he asked.
        “Components,” was the answer, “for machines,”
        “And what do those machines make?”
        “Components for the machines we use.”

        Waterhouse was ahead of his time. It really happens now.

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      • I hesitate to sound trite here but one of the most valuable real jobs is having a real person answer the telephone. Not computers and voice tapes. Not selection numbers for queries but real people answering a business query during the business day.

        Keith Waterhouse, is he a journalist too? The name rings a bell. Back onto telephones again.

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      • Keith was a journalist both at the beginning and end of his career (I believe he is still with us but retired)

        In between he wrote many novels, the best know is Billy Liar, stage plays, television and film scripts. A very underrated writer.

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  2. I don’t think they’re going to be offered minimum wage jobs Ian; as I understand the plans, people will be forced to join workfare programmes; in effect being treated no differently to criminals undertaking their community service.

    It’s appalling.

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    • That is correct but as you know Lee we are not too hot on detail at Boggart Blog, preferring to create the rhythm of the comedy riff.

      Although I appear to have abandoned Little Nicky Machiavelli I am in fact transfprming it to The Daily Stirrer which I hope will eventually rival U.S. sites loke Huffington Post and Salon.com

      Then there will be room for lots of controversial and dissenting voices rather than just mine.

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  3. Yes, I was bemused to hear of this masterplan to get people off benefits who have been on a long time, at a time when unemployment is set to rise.
    Then it clicked, they had to find a way to massage the numbers of unemployed before an election, so they will pay the benefits claimants exactly what they pay them now and get them to go down to the local training centre or whatever, then claim they are in training or on work experience, therefore not unemployed.

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