A Career In Substance Abuse? Sounds Just The Job.

Here in the Boggart Blog editorial office we love flipping through the public sector recruitment supplement that comes with The Guardian every Wednesday.

Some of the jobs on offer by public authorities, quangos and charities are hilarious and though the salaries are not great it’s easy to get the idea that not much work will be required from the successful applicant.

How is Domestic Violence Action Co-ordinator going to occupy their time? Co-ordinating domestic violence by scheduling the wife beating activities of thugs so as to spread the load on A & E departments and ambulance services? Or if some bastard is ill or just exhausted, perhaps these jobs involve arranging for someone else to go round and beat his wife up for him?

Jobs in Domestic Violence have come up a few times recently.

Another of this weeks vacancies that has us all baffled is an advert for a Singing For The Brain Co-ordinator. WTF is singing for the brain. It is something to do with teaching lousy singers to not make any noise, just sing a song in their head. Or something more sinister perhaps, are the government encoding messages the Fibbonaci series values of musical tones and employing pitch – perfect singers to brainwash us all?

Just as baffling is the requirement for a female prostitution action worker (they’re nearly all co-ordinators or action workers, sometimes even action co-ordinators. Anyway, a female prostitution action worker, isn’t that just a pretentious way so saying “prozzers wanted.” Maybe not because the job description said the job holder would be “researching and developing strategies for dealing with the causes of demand for prostitution. Well that should take about five minutes. Too many sex starved blokes, not enough prostitutes. Sorted, can I have my year’s salary please?

A team of black and ethnic minority compact officers is needed in London. To compact black and ethnic minority people like they compact household waste? Isn’t that a tad racist? If member of ethic minorities are not compact enough they should only accept work permit applications from pygmies and Japanese. No Sumo wrestlers though. So pygmies, selected Japanese, San bushmen from the Namib desert. And Eskimos maybe, they are quite compact.

Pick of the week though was a full page dedicated to “careers in substance misuse.” That’s drug abuse in p0lain English

How do you get into a career in Substance Abuse? Well being called Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty or Keith Richards is a good start.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

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9 thoughts on “A Career In Substance Abuse? Sounds Just The Job.

  1. I often applied for jobs like this with no success in spite of my years of drug usage. (Mind you I never abused them, they was my friends at the time) Thinks these high paid jobs are only for mates of the advertisers.

    Like

  2. I applied for a job from those pages once which was looking for someone from a African or Caribbean background. I decided that because my mother was born in Cameroon, that makes me part African! :))

    I didn’t get it, but that goes without saying.

    Like

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