Boggart Blog was the first mainstream news network to report fully and fearlessly the role played by beards in the war being waged by funny mentalists and people of Evelyn Tent against the civilised world. Beards are a weapon integral to the spreading of fear and panic throughout the western nations. We have reported in the past how explosives can be concealed under beards, how small terrorists can hide in and under beards and hoe beards of mass destruction can be smuggled through customs disguised as designer stubble.
We also made the world aware of the laxity of security forces in allowing possible terror suspects and funny mentalist sympathisers to live among us even though they are openly in possession of equipment that could be used in the manufacture of beards, viz: faces, testosterone and hair follicles. Yes, it is shocking how improvised roadside beards can be made using such simple, everyday equipment.
Beards have featured in many fatal attacks in the middle east and have at times been used in atrocities that caused fear and panic in European and American cities.
We are happy to report that at last the security forces are starting to take seriously the threat to homeland security posed by beards of terror. A new law now in force in Afghanistan limits beards to safe lengths, ensuring that nobody can grow their beard so long that it could be used in acts of terror. Allied Military High Command hope this move will ensure the Afghan Presidential elections this week will be as free and fair as those held in Iran, Zimbabwe and Pakistan and pave the way to the create a western style democracy in Afghanistan, a nation where people have lived in the shadow of beards for too long.
Police find evidence of beards in hunt for terrorists. As police intensify their hunt for known suicide bombers who may or may not have sent each other e-mails in nn – European languages our mole in the security service tells us offocers have discovered evidence of beards having been grown in premises occupied by several suspects.
42 Days to grow a beard: Ciuvil Rights campaigners have complained that the anti-terror measure enabling authorities to hold terror suspects for up to 42 days without allowing them access to shaving equipment is a human rights violation. but how else are police officers to tell if somebody is in possession of equipment that could be used in the production of beards?
More humour every day at Boggart Blog