Decaffinated Bullshit

In one of our very first Boggart Blog posts titled The Bullshit Factor we revealed scientific proof that bullshit and not money makes the world go round.

Everything is bullshit these days, even doing something simple like ordering a cup of coffee, you know you are only going to get a cup of bullshit. We always knew of course that those multinational chains that sell plastic foam in plastic foam cups were selling us bullshit when they had to call their dishwater tasting drinks thinks like skinny-minnie-whacky-baccy-frappy-latty or chokka-mokka-jabbalokka-fishwife-goo-goo-ga-joob* with marshmallows. Sadly this trend for disguising mediocre products with fancy names has spread to those old fashioned cafes that still serve drinks in china cups.

We want into such a cafe yesterday and ordered two lattes.

“Do you want double – decaff?” asked the serving wench.

Double decaff. So what do they do with coffee to make it double de-caff apart from charging me extra. Do they take the caffeine out of my coffee, decaffinate it again so I am twice removed from caffeine and then put it in Red Bull and sell it back to me. Red Bull is bullshit as well. It is not and energy drink, it is a lethal dose of sugar and a shot of my effing caffeine that I paid to have taken out of my coffee. Or would have had I not been to smart to fall for their “We only want to help you” schtick.

“No I don’t want effing double de-caff,” I felt like shouthing, “if I want a cup of bullshit I’ll ask for a cup of bullshit. Brink me my coffee with caffeine in a chinas cup, hold the stupid chocolate sprinkles and give me extra caffeine instead and if there are any marshmallows going stick them up your end and give me more extra caffeine. Double de-caff my arse.”

But to have said that out loud would have been rude and the girl was young and pretty.

RELATED POSTS:
The Bullshit Factor
Wake Up And Taste The Coffee

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

10 thoughts on “Decaffinated Bullshit

  1. Red Bull smells and tastes exactly like Calpol.
    I think that is why young people like it – because they got hooked on Calpol when they were little.

    I wish they would make a drink that tasted like Gee’s Linctus – I would buy that 🙂

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    • I think they like it because it masks the taste of alcohol and they don’t want to lose face by admitting they don’t like alcohol.

      When I was young we used to do aspirins and coke. Now it’s vodka and red bull. 🙂

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