This week, in acknowledgement of their ascendancy in the political zodiac, we will hand the blog to Lord Snooty And His Pals Todays article is contributed by The Hon. Jeremy Ponsonby Snob, the Shadow Minister for Grandiose Schemes.
OK yah! Today the task of putting you oiks in your place falls to me. Jolly good show. Firstly Im very rich, not just obscenely rich but fack orf rich, so yah, boo! to democracy and all that. You always know where you stand with the Conservatives. In fact you dont stand, you kneel or at least genuflect in a display of abject humility, Yah?
Firstly I want to make it quite clear that we Conservatives are not the nasty party of arrogant, selfish, elitist bastards you all think we are. Oh no, were even more arrogant, selfish and elitist than you oiks could ever possibly imagine.
After twelve years of Labour government even you middle class and working class thickos should have worked out that The Conservatives are the only party able to govern properly. If you havent just e-mail us your name and address and we will send somebody round to kill you.
In 2010 there will be a General Election. Its a frightful bore really and there is always a chance the idiot voters will make us share power or even vote in a Lib-Dem / UKIP coalition. In view of that possibility one of the things we will be discussing at conference this week is staging a military coup if our lead in the polls drops below ten per cent. So whatever happens The Conservatives will be back in power in 2010.
When Labour took over government in 1997 Tony Blair promised you change. When Gordon Brown took over in 2007 he spoke of hope. It is ever the same with politicians of the centre left. Barack Obama promised hope and change in America. In Britain there is no hope and precious little change out of a tenner when you buy a box of matches and within a year Americans have changed their minds and hope Obama is impeached.
Your new Conservative government will not speak of hope and change or offer things they cannot possibly deliver. There will be no economic recovery, no jobs and no hope with my party, instead we will invite you to embrace nihilistic despair.
Support the Conservatives, you know it makes sense.
Lord Snooty And His Pals in The Beano
In the comic strip of the same title in The Beano comic, Lord Snooty, The 3rd Earl Of Bunkerton is described as a very ordinary boy who just happens to be an Earl. In the Conservative Party David Lord Snooty Cameron is a very ordinary politician who just happens to be with £30 million.