Poor old Gordon, there’s Ian having a go and then I come along to stick the boot in too. Still I don’t suppose he actually reads Boggartblog and if he does he must be more unstable than we thought he was.
So yesterday Gordon unveiled his plan for “smarter government”.
Smarter government is smarter because it’s all electronic, because being on the internet is free.
So whereas according to the people who advise Gordon, a phone call costs £3.30 and a letter costs £12, accessing these services online costs nothing.
So all those bods in the IT industry work for nothing!
I’ve just tried to ask a question of an insurance company, on behalf of my Pa-in-law, on the internet. It’s a simple question, “What happens if I want to cancel my insurance mid term?”
Funnily enough it didn’t appear in the FAQS and when I typed it in I was directed to download the Breakdown Recovery Terms and Conditions.
On the other hand when I phoned the insurance company and spoke to a real person, albeit in Outer Mongolia or some other God-forsaken place, he answered my question adequately and gave me an example to show me how it would work. Sorted.
But it doesn’t stop there. Gordon says he has created an iphone app to tell cyclists where they are most likely to die, the answer of course being at the very place where they are paying more attention to the warning coming from their iphone about the 32 ton truck bearing down on them than actually looking out for 32 ton trucks.
He wants to text parents when their children truant. But half the time the parents know exactly where the children are when they are truanting, playing on the beach whilst Mum and Dad cool off in the shade of the beach bar awning.
He wants to let us know electronically where our nearest dental surgery is and he wants to text us to remind us about doctor’s appointments.
But the thing is Gordon, you ought to be spending the money on teaching kids to read maps, phonebooks and directions, then they’d be able to find the dentist all by themselves.
Let the cyclists learn that if you insist on riding your bike with your earphones in whilst texting on your iphone the chances are that you will get knocked off by some cunningly hidden truck materialising in front of you.
Anyone can forget a doctor’s appointment, although it shouldn’t be that hard to remember when many doctor’s only allow you to book an appointment on the day so that they meet the target of offering an appointmnet within 24 hours, but for persistent offenders why not slap them with a fine.
The next thing you know he’ll be trying to reduce working hours lost by tardy employees by having everybody’s mobile phone blasting out an alarm call at 6.45am.
There’ll be CCTV cameras at every pelican crossing to make sure we don’t sneak across when the red man is lit just because we can see the road is empty in both directions.
We’ll all have to have flu jabs so’s we don’t infect any of our contacts who may be more vulnerable.
And anyone who dares to think for themselves will be carted off to Room 101 for re- programming.
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