Shock! Horror! Celebrity Couple Split!

Rumours abound about about Brad and Angela allegedly going their seperate ways, however after their very public love-in at the Super Bowl these can be put on hold for a week or so.

Also in the news, but not the subject of our article, Alex Reid is said to want a divorce from bride-of-less-than-a-week Jordan.
Personally I think celebrity marriages such as this one should have a cooling off period, like when you buy insurance or a time-share on the Costa Brava. Fourteen days to change your mind before the contract becomes legally binding.

Then of course there is the Chelsea bike and good time girl – all the team get to ride her and she was had by all – Vanessa Perronocel, who would apparently love to get back with Wayne Bridge, the father of her child. Mr. Bridge however thinks he has been humiliated enough and said, “I wouldn’t touch her with John Terry’s!” – probably.

But our story is much bigger than that. Hamish Ratcatcher was despatched to find out more about why Subo and Pebbles are living apart.

HR: This modest flat in Wanstead, London is now the home of singing sensation Susan Boyle’s cat Pebbles. I’m about to go inside and find out more about this sensational break up.

Scratch, scratch, scrabble, click, click, click………kerchunk.

I’m in and here is Pebbles to greet me.
Good evening Pebbles, lovely to see you again.

Pebbles: Ah good evenin’ Hamish, it’s grand to see you too.
Not many of mah friends around here, y’know what ahm sayin’? But the natives are friendly enough, although they do talk a wee bit funny, a bit like you, y’know what ahm sayin’? An’ the old girl ahm living with, well at least she doesn’t go about wailing all the time. Clouds and silver linings, y’know what ahm sayin’?

HR: Indeed Pebbles I do. So you are settling into your new home. The big question on everyone’s lips is did you jump or were you pushed, so to speak.

Pebbles: Aye, right it would be. Well ah can tell ye it was me that decided to go. Ah’d had enough really. First of all she buggers off to London an’ leaves me on mah own, jus wi the neighbours comin’in tae feed me.
Then ahm hustled down to this posh place, the Priory while she has a nervous breakdown or somethin’ y’know what ahm sayin’? Mind you, it was alright that Priory place, they knew how to treat a cat.
The next thing is we’re back up in Scotland, only now we’re famous so we’ve got people comin’ to stare at us all the time, a bit unnerving when you just slip out for a quiet crap in the flowerbed and all the cameras start flashing and whirring ah can tell ye.

Ah had a quiet word wi her, ah said “Sue, we ought tae think about going somewhere a bit more private, a bit more exclusive, y’know what ahm sayin’?” But Sue she says we’re happy where we are. Speak fer yerself ahm thinkin, ah had my eye on a penthouse flat down in London, or one o’ them places out in Dubai or maybe even goin’ back to that Priory place.
But she wasn’t fer turnin’. She wanted to stay in her wee cottage so she said, even with strange men breaking in, although ah suppose she may have enjoyed that, if ah hadn’t been done ah wouldnae say no to a good lookin’ fellah, y’know what ahm sayin’?
So anyway ah decided tae move out. She was jet-settin about an ah was left on me own a lot of the time, or with cat sitters.
Ah came down this way to stay with one of Simon’s assistants and ah struck up a bit of a relationship with the old girl next door and her two cats. Next thing ah know they’ve got it all arranged, ah stay here and Sue pays £4 a day board and keep, which runs to a nice basket by the radiator, those little wee pouches of cat food and fresh fish and chicken for the main course. Ah’ve even got mah own litter tray for when it’s a bit cold to go out, y’know what ahm sayin’?
Ah was a bit worried that old Sue might come and take me back so last time she came to visit, ah went and hid under the wardrobe. Ah wouldnae come out till she had gone. Ah thought that would get the message over, y’know what ahm sayin’?

HR: Absolutely! I must say you’re looking very well on it and are obviously in good spirits. I’m sure I speak for all our readers when I say I’m very pleased that you are managing to return to a normal semblance of life.
In the words of Oprah, “You go girl!”

4 thoughts on “Shock! Horror! Celebrity Couple Split!

  1. Subo’s cat I can’t take but I do feel sorry for Alex Reid—He definitely did not see the tart coming. The Sun showed exactly how ugly the tart really is. She would not go unnoticed walking the streets of Manchester trying for a trick,but that is as good as it gets.


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