Oo-er missis, we’re in Frankie Boyle territory
As we await with bated breath for the third and final party leaders’ debate which may well influence the outcome of the election and thus who will lead the nation for the next four years we picked up one news item from earlier in the week that suggests Liberal Democrat Nick Clegg might be planning to ambush his opponents Cameron and Brown with some surprise policy commitments.
Mr. Clegg gave a hint while down in Dorset visiting a children’s hospital cancer unit. We are not sure what terrible deeds the children had done to bring this upon themselves, you’d think having cancer was enough for anyone to endure. Still the only thing more certain to tug voters’ heartstrings than an underpaid nurse or an impoverished pensioner huddled over a single bar electric fire eating a bowl of thin gruel it is sick children especially if they have large limpid eyes like kids in late pre – Raphaelite paintings. Thus when any election campaign shows signs of flagging politicians cynically head for the nearest children’s hospital.
Clegg was not there just for the limpid-eyed-child related photo opportunity however, he had something important to tell us. In the absence of any convincing policies to deal with the collapse of the Eurozone, unemployment or climate chaos he wanted to unveil the Liberal Democrats policy on cancer.
“Under a Liberal Democrat government life will be fair,” he told reporters. This was a tad off colour as he was surrounded by children whose condition proves life will never be fair. Unless perchance Clegg’s cohort have a plan to criminalize cancer. Obviously this would not be crimilaization of possession. To possess a tumor could not be a crime in the way that possession of cannabis is a crime. No, cancer itself would have to be criminal in the same way as climate change denial and telling the truth in a political context have almost become criminal under Labour.
Where does this persecution of cancer fit into the Lib Dems promise that life will be fair. Does fairness not extend to tumours, they are after all life in a manner of speaking. It would be immoral to simply throw them in the hospital incinerator. They should be placed in secure refuges for the safety of themselves and others because there are lots of people on sink estates in places like Rochdale who believe tumours are irredeemably evil and would wish to harm them.
Needless to say the detention centres for tumours would place emphasis on rehabilitation rather than retribution.
Spare us the politically correct bullshit Nick it will only get you in trouble, just tell us how you are going to balance the budget and get people back in work.