Labour Contenders Line Up With David Milliband To The Fore

Even before Gordon Brown had finished his “I’m going to step down as PM and party leader, not now but at some time in the future, maybe, unless I have to step up and save the country” speech his wannabe successor David Milliband, Thunderbirds puppet lookalike and the senior half of pop politics duo Deadward, was pushing himself forward as a potential replacement and candidate for the leadership election. Milliband has many obvious weaknesses but is current favourite to succeed Brown.

So who are the contenders hoping to stop him? Boggart Blog give you a rundown of all the likely candidates, their strengths and weaknesses.

David Milliband ( Thunderbirds Puppet)
For: Admired by party elite, left wing intelligentsia and the Islington metrosexual set.
Against: He’s a cunt.
Supporters: Tony Blair, David Milliband, The Conservatives
Most likely to: Bottle it
Least likely to: Appeal to labour voters

Ed Balls ( Mr. Bollocks)
For: Not a lot
Against: Everybody hates him
Supporters: Gordon Brown
Most likely to: Deny ever knowing Gordon Brown
Least likely to: Win

Alan Johnson (Real Nowhere Man)
For: Has few enemies
Against: Billy no – mates
Supporters: Unions and grassroots members
Most likely to: Say “Howay the lads” and down a pint of Newcastle Brown
Least likely to: Eat quiche

Ed Milliband (Harry Potter lookalike)
For: Is not called David, does not look like Thunderbirds puppet
Against: Can’t do magic
Supporters: Mostly under twelve
Most likely to: Point wand at Tories and say “Expelliamus”
Least likely to: Be recognised by members of the public

Harriet Harperson (He face turns men to stone)
For: Will get the feminist vote
Against: Inspires fear and loathing in creatures with testicles
Supporters: Mostly in prison for murder
Most likely to: Demand more female and ethnic minority MPs
Least likely to: Offer Boris Johnson a tuppeny upright

Peter Mandelson (He flies by night)
For: He’s from the dark side
Against: Not eligible (but that did not stop Barack Obama)
Supporters: The undead
Most likely to: Put the bite on David Cameron
Least likely to: Increase death duties

And now over to the Boggart Blog bookie:

Current favourite is David Milliband but he has drifted out fron 6/4 to 2/1.

There is steady support for AlanJohnson at 5/1

Ed Balls in 7/1 but if his wife runs as his deputy leader you can get 500/1 on the forecast.

Harriet Harperson badly needs some support at 25/1 but the steamer in the early betting is Ed Milliband in from 33/1 after the election to 8/1 on the exchanges this morning.

And a late springer in the market, you could have got any price you wanted on Saturday, he was quoted at 250/1 on Sunday but this morning the professional punters are snapping up 10/1, it’s Tony Blair. Get on the comeback kid thile there’s a bit of value left.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

Blair Faith Foundation

Tony Blair, Sex God

11 thoughts on “Labour Contenders Line Up With David Milliband To The Fore

  1. You left out Gordy, the ‘Man Who May Step Down’
    For: Lived in the Manse toilet.
    Against: Looks like a man who needs a dump every ten minutes.
    Supporters: None. Back stabbers cannot be regarded as supporters.
    Most like to: Fart in Gillian Duffy’s living room.
    Least likely to: Stay until September. What the F**k is he waiting for: A miracle.
    (PS: For Christ’s Sake, as his father would say, Get out now!)

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    • Ah but we believed him for once when he said he would take no part inthe election. We believed him because we heard the Godfather of New Labour Don Peter Mandelson had made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

      “Either your signature or you brains will be on this letter of resignation before I let Sarah and the boys out of the oubliette.”

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  2. Well said, would add David Miliband is most likely to wet himself again at the prospect of being leader before bottling it.

    I really dont understand how no-one has realised that this man is a massive liability. He went to Georgia during the war with Russia and declared the UKs complete support for their country in the war which was not the party line and pissed off Russia. He also condemned Israel for the assasination of the terrorist Hamas leader before he had any proof that Mossad did it- there still isnt proof either. After 3 days of talks with Hilary Clinton, all she could say was he was handsome which was very diplomatic to say the least.

    He will spell the end of Labour for a long time, will look ridiculous of PMQs and get no votes.

    As for the rest, Ed Miliband went from podgey to shoutey in about three months and got so mullered by Jeremy Paxman in an interview at the Labour Party Conference that there is no way he can win.

    Would say Harriet Harman is the only other candidate but her more diversity message will be shot down by the immigration weary press.

    So the inevitable, weak David Miliband leadership with Mandy pulling all the strings.

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    • Add to that Ed Milliband looks like Harry Potter as we first pointed out HERE and it is obvious how much trouble they are in – unless as The Boggart Blog bookie suggests a former leader might be about to make a surprise comeback.

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  3. Let’s face it: Any Labourite who meets across the dispatch boxes with Nick and Dave handling PMQ’s is going to have his arse reamed. If I were Harriet Headmistress, I’d stay away. If I were tittering Balls I’d run. Pity, but poor Ed will have to do it.

    It’s sad really but Labour has been cowed. I’m not surprised –Gordon did this to them. Many will disagree but Labour better start looking around. (I do not support either party or party in coalition but the next PMQ’s could be dull.)

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