Ryanair To Let Passenger Fly Planes?

As the recession grinds on the travel business is increasingly hard hit. Holiday firms are going bust at a rate of about one a week, even cutting prices below cost is not encouraging cash strapped punters to book holidays and rumours are flying around suggesting several major airlines are threatened with bankruptcy.

Among all this mayhem there is one success story however. Budget airline Ryanair go from strength to strength thanks to their ruthless commitment to efficiency and radical cost cutting measures. Everybody has heard of Ryanair’s £1 flights but few who have not travelled with them know about the £500 in flight snacks and the £20 charge to visit the toilet while airborne. Who among us could fail to recognize the sheer business genius of offering passengers cheap one way fares to popular destinations then making them sign over their home before they can get on a return flight.

Ryanair’s latest cost cutting scheme is an example of the kind of radical thinking we need get the global economy out of recession. The airline plans to abolish the role of co pilot and let trolley dollies fly the planes.

A spokesman for the company told Boggart Blog, “The co – pilot is only needed during take off and landing and as cabin crew cannot serve drinks or sell duty free while those manoeuvres are in progress their time is wasted. We plan to give stewards and stewardesses full training on and make sure they are earning their salary all the time they are in the air. Paying people to sit on their arses is no way to run a business.

According to a corporate press release the cabin crew will be given access via their laptops and an internet link to a flight simulator game and will not be allowed to take the controls of a real plane until they have reached level seven.

When asked about further rumours that the company is planning to make all flight crew redundant and let passengers fly themselves our contact said, “This is not definite yet but is a very real possibility. Most of the business of flying is done by computers these days so paying some bastard a big fat salary to make announcements over the PA system is becoming a bit of an expensive luxury. Flying a plane is not big and its not clever. Pilots have far too high an opinion of themselves. Anyone who can drive a smart phone can fly a 747.

Apple Computer, makers of iPhone, the market leading smart phone have announced a business partnership with Ryanair and revealed they are ready to launch three apps for wannabe do it yourself flyers, iFly, iLand and iHit-turbulence-and-crap-myself.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

3 thoughts on “Ryanair To Let Passenger Fly Planes?

  1. Ryanair are a bunch of Irish idiots who plan cheap airfares but add every ounce of profit into their “extras”. Paying for going to the toilet is ridiculous. The Luggage excess is excessive! Next they’ll be asking Bonny the stewardess, to fly the plane. Oops, you got ahead of me Ian.

    “Darling, sit on my lap and I’ll show you how to fly this 737. Touch this switch there, pull back on that lever there and –that is the wrong knob sweetheart. You have to listen. What are you doing when you arrive in Schiphol?

    Like

  2. They could go one better and have blow up figures as the co-pilot, a la Airplane!

    Why bother wasting fuel to taxi around the airfield, let the passengers push it to its gate!

    Then charge them for the privilege, a personal trainer each coaxing them to further exertions, that’ll be another £200!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s