Thanks For The Sympathy

Whilst Wayne Rooney has been abroad preparing for last night’s match against Switzerland, Mrs Rooney has been left to face the shattering news that her husband was allegedly forking out enough dosh for a whole fleet of Silver Cross perambulators for a quick shag with a slag, whilst she was preggie with their son Kai.

Coleen has been staying with her family in Huyton, but broke cover yesterday to visit her sister in hospital. She was reported to look “drawn” as she was escorted past the paps waiting for her eventual appearance.

Max Clifford, giving us an almost perfect example of insensitivity commented that Coleen could make millions from this, if she plays her cards right.

Boggartblog was able to eavesdrop on a subsequent telephone conversation between Coleen and a representative of P. R. Mann and Associates, a public relations and management company.

P. R. Mann: Coleen, may I call you Coleen? Good! Now then we were wondering whether you’ve given any thought to how you are going to handle these revelations that your husband allegedly slept, well for £1200 let’s hope he was too busy to sleep, haw haw, with a prostitute?

Col: Stifled sob.

P.R. Mann: I see, it’s all been a bit of a shock! We at P.R. Mann and Associates understand that totally, but we also understand the importance of striking whilst the iron is hot, just like that bit of totty your husband shagged (allegedl, snigger), must have been. Phwoar!

Col: Shuddering sob of despair.

P.R.Mann. The thing is, though, Coleen, you can turn this to your advantage! Just look at Cheryl Cole. Everybody loves her now!
If you play your cards right, you can make millions. We can turn you into a national treasure! It sounds interesting doesn’t it?

Col: Loudly blowing nose. I really don’t want to talk about it at the moment. My husband is away, my sister is ill and I’ve got a little boy to think about….

P.R.Mann: Aw COleen, come on! This could be your big moment. You could host your own T.V. Show. You could give the low down on some of those other footballers. John Terry cheated on his wife, Peter Crouch was caught with a prostitute, hey maybe we could do one of those exchange programmes, Wags and Slags, that’d be brilliant…

Col: Strangulated sobbing.

P.R.Mann: All I’m saying Coleen is think about it, okay? We know you’re probably a bit upset at the moment but give it time and we’re sure you’ll come to see things the same way as we do, alright?
How about I give you a call tomorrow?

Oh, by the way, if you see Roo give him my best, brilliant performance last night, saw it all on the web, that lass was gagging for it, no wonder he scored! Oh and he played a good half of football as well.

Col: Screams. The phone is slammed down.

Rooney Not Of The Old School
Swive You Arseling

3 thoughts on “Thanks For The Sympathy

  1. Amazing that when a PR opportunity arises, Max Clifford is there: On TV, in the papers etc. He is like a PR Paparazzi. “Don’t worry Col. I’ll represent you. The fee is very small.” Clifford being your P.R.Mann, of course.

    There is a continuing pattern in footballers’ behaviour. Marry, then shag the legs off any willing babe (for money).

    What surprises me is that these guys go for hookers–aren’t they famous enough to get freeby’s?


    • I don’t know if it’s their sheltered upbringing, too much time on the football pitch instead of being out with their contempories getting wasted on White Lightening and having a quick fumble with anything that doesn’t posess a willy in the bus shelter on the way home, sort of arrested adolescence.

      Or there again I do think a lot of it has to do with the plain and simple fact, “Because I can.”

      Again though this has got to be arrested development as there is no thought for the consequences of their actions., a trait I find more and more common in the wotld at the moment.


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