I decided to take a break from the quality news sites today and look at mid market tabloids instead. A rewarding exercise it was too.
Thae Daily Mail ran a story about how cavemen were better parents than their modern counterparts and asks how this could be.
(a) Cavemen did not have to compete with negative role models such as Katie Price and Wayne Rooney who are looked up to by modrern kids thanks to the efforts of papers like The Daily Mail.
(b)Cavemen could administer a quick slap if the kids were being little shits without fear of ending up in prison.
(c)Cavemen did not have to contend with pokenose social workers.
(d)Jamie fucking Oliver did not know how to cook Manmmoh steak.
(e)There was no school system run by Marxists and dedicated to filling pupils little heads with bullshit about rights, tolerance and equality. Those who would not listen to their parents learned the hard way that Sabre Toothed Tigers are not tolerant and do not respect the rights of anything unless it is bigger and stronger.
In short Cavemen could look after their kids in practical ways while teaching them the realities of life such as, “If you see any of those flatheads from across the river kill them, they’re bastards and if they get over here they’ll be seducing our women, drinking our mushroon juice and taking our flints before you can say “Gronk.”
It may not be politically correct but they survived.
Meanwhile in the Express the lead story falls into the “Utterly gobsmacking scientific breakthrough of the week” category.
Scientists have found out that talking to yourself is actually a good thing.
It’s when you have an argument with yourself and send yourself to Coventry you need professional help.