Everything They told You Is Bad For You Is Good For You

OK, you’ve seen stuff like this before, in fact fatsally did something quite similar here yonks ago, but I’ve been very busy. And anyway it will still make you laugh and help you feel less guilty.

Everything They Said Is Bad For You Is Good For You.
This week we have seen Call Me Dave running amok with his nudger as his cohorts, formerly Nanny State’s Politically Correct Thought Police and now Dave’s Nudger Wielders until we think of a better name, try to nudge us towards being better citizens, eating more shite and refusing things we like, drinking less booze, smoking less ciggies, avoiding dangerous sports like bowls and tiddleywinks, driving less miles in a less cavalier fashion and being less idle (unless of course being idle is the alternative to driving, boozing, eating or enjoying yourself by doing things the Thought Police do not like.

Well Boggart Blog has done its own scientific survey and found that we all do or have done all the things that are supposed to send people to an early grave and we are all still alive, doing things that are bad for you is good for you. Here are our main findings:

1. Drinking Booze…

Scientific evidence overwhelmingly shows moderate drinkers live longer than teetotalers.The recent Million Women Study in the UK, which looked at the link between drinking and cancer, revealed nondrinking women had a higher incidence of cancer than those women who had one drink a day. American researchers found men consuming two alcoholic drinks a day had a 36 percent less risk of developing diabetes.

As the old northern invocation goes, Gerrit downyer, it’ll do yer good.

2. Piling In The Calories…

There is a growing body of evidence that longevity is directly linked to plumpness. In a comprehensive study of weight and mortality, Dr Katherine Flegal from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that the longest lived people on average were not thin but those who were overweight. This finding has been repeated in many other studies. Increases in overweight and obesity have been paralleled by falls in US mortality from coronary heart disease and stroke. And life expectancy continues to increase, despite the supposed increase in obesity.

3. Who’s Afraid Of The Fatty Foods

Research in the UK has found that high-fat cheeses, such as stilton, protect against tooth decay. They are also rich in cholesterol, vital to the production of hormones such as estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone are. Cholesterol is also essential to the production of vitamin D, which regulates calcium levels. Forget what veggies tell you about their super – healthy diet. Studies published last year have show lean red meat is no worse for health than white meat and is the best source of essential vitamins, minerals and trace elements. As for whiite meat, it’s full of tryptophan, which raises the level of serotonin in the brain, which in turn reduces stress, improves mood, and improves sleep patterns.

As liberals we would not dream of discouraging vegetarians and vegans from pursuing such and unhealthy lifestyle. We do think information should be made available to warn them they may end up as rotten toothed, hormonally deficient, stressed out wrecks.

4. Chocolate Is Good For You…!!!

Few women need a scientist to tell them that chocolate boosts mood, activity levels, and even libido. Beyond that however scientists inform us that dark chocolate may also reduce risk of a stroke or a heart attack. American research published in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Science found that cocoa, when consumed at doses equivalent to two dark chocolate bars per day for humans, significantly reduced chemical markers for heart disease in a group of lab animals on a high-fat diet.

5. Don’t Be Afraid To Slob Out…

The body uses rest periods, during sleep or while awake, to repair tissues and restore the immune system. American researchers have found that unrelieved stress can decrease one’s immunity by up to 40 percent. This leads some medical experts to the conclusion that time spent lazing around each day is a better way than exercise to ensure you live longer. In On the Joy of Laziness, Prof Peter Axt writes, ‘We always think we have to be doing something but doing nothing [ … ] could be better’.

Forget the vaccines then, slob out and eat some chocolate (stress lowers immune reactions.)

6. Walk Off Your Illness Or Depression…

A daily walk is almost certain to make one feel better than jogging or workouts at the gym. An article published in the International Journal of Clinical Practice found two dozen physiological ailments and psychological conditions that walking may help prevent.

7. All in the family…

Spending time with people one loves – assuming that includes family – can improve mental health and reduce stress levels. Psychologist Edward Diener’s research has found a very strong connection between research subjects’ unhappiness and their poor social life. Economist Andrew Oswald controversially theorises that better family relationships would be far better for societal well-being than a financially richer society.

8. Laughter Is Still The Best Medicine…

Whether it is a favourite TV programme, a film, a pet’s comical antics or a friends whose fooling is infectious, American researchers have found that laughter boosts one’s immune system, reduces tension and stress levels, exercises one’s heart, and releases feel-good hormones in the brain.

9. Keep In Touch With The Real World…

For most of us, our mood improves when we receive a letter, phone call or card from a friend or loved one. While research in Europe and America has shown addiction to new media and social networking has an isolating and stressful effect American research has found that the more face to face contact we have or the more we use traditional communication methods, the higher our self-esteem and the better our mental health.

10. Power of prayer…

It would be remiss of us, even as irreverent and politically incorrect as we are, to ignore a study recently published in the British Medical Journal that found the act of praying slows down one’s breathing rate and has a calming effect on the heart. In another study published in the same journal the findings showed that superstition and ritual do actually work, improving performances in tasks or sporting activities. So much for those sciencyheads who rail against ‘superstition and magical thinking.’

This is a cherrry picked list but it does serve to show that for every piece of ‘scientific’ advice we are given by The Thought Police, there is a contradictory study just begging to be publicized.

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10 thoughts on “Everything They told You Is Bad For You Is Good For You

  1. I agree with 8 but disagree with 6. Walking off chronic depression does F all for the mind.Mild depression,perhaps.

    There is a certain power in prayer but only if you believe. If Sid Jones has never prayed in his life who is he going to pray to?

    Like the chocolate one: 1978: Bad 1983: Good 1989: Bad
    1995: Good etc.

    9. Keep in touch with the real World: God knows I have had no cards from Obama yet. Blog.co.uk. does do the trick though.

    Are eggs good for you? How the hell do I know.Some say yes, some say no?????????

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    • On numberr 10, I did read the press release for that survey and it said “prayer or ritual if you believe.”
      As you know O tend to exercise a bit of comic licence.

      The only coure for deep depression is a two hour long phone call from someone you fancy wo lives far away. I know such a call from me to my cybersweetie in Teaxs (at peak rate) helped her when she was feeling suicidal.

      The effing phone bill depressed me when it landed.

      BTW eggs are good for you, especially the scambled ones I had with a couple of rashers of crispy bacon for my (very late) breakfast today. Set me up for the day.

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  2. Great list, Ian, though as with most things in life, best taken with a certain degree of moderation. Pigging out on fried mars bars and bottle of Scotch a day won’t do you any favours. Today, I had a fried breakfast, a bar of dark Ecuador chocolate, a pint of Waggledance ale and a small brandy, walked a couple of miles round the park, phoned a mate and had a laugh, had some white meat in honey and mustard sauce, and offered up a prayer this morning.
    I’ll probably live till I’m a hundred.

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  3. I like the sound of waggledance ale. I’ve done a lot of ‘waggledancing’ in my time and I hope to do a lot more.

    But as you say they key lies in doing things you enjoy but not becoming addicted to them.

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  4. Laughter is the best medicine, so watch the House of Commons – plenty of jokes there.

    Alcohol is good for you. I’ll raise my glass of red to that!

    And as chocolate and calories are good for you, I’ll make some cupcakes later.

    Like

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