American Man Boasts Of Having Sex With A Thousand Cars

A man in Washington State, U.S.A whose name is Edward Smith lives with his current “girlfriend”, a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, and claims they enjoy a full physical relationship. He added: “I’m not sick and I don’t want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.”

Edwards insists he is not insane (don’t they all) and has no intention of changing his ways. He said of his unusual partner: “I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love. Maybe I’m a bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it’s just wonderful.

Mr Smith says he is a romantic who writes love poems to his cars, sings them love songs and sends flowers on their birthdays. He also talks to them as one would a girlfriend. here we see a glimmer of hope for Edward. If he marries his car he will stop talking to it except to argue.

His last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago – and he could not bring himself to consummate it, although he did have sex with girls in his younger days.

Mr Smith, who told an interviewer for the Channel 5 documentary on “mechanaphilia.’ he has had sex with upwards of 1000 cars, first poked a Pontiac when he was 15 years old. He has never been attracted to women or men. Having kept his fetish secret for years Smith agreed to be interviewed at a mechanphiliacs convention in California (where else?)

Infidelity is a plague that can strike at even those who love inanimate objects and Ed’s lust for metal has spread beyond cars to other types of transport. He says that his most intense sexual experience to date was “making love” to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.

As well as his current squeeze Vanilla, he regularly spends time with other vehicles: a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.

He confesses however that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or were in car showrooms. Excuse us but isn’t that some kind of offence. I mean how can a car consent.

We wondered what headlines we might see if this craze caught on among footballers. David Beckham dumping Victortia for a Ferrari maybe? Ryan Giggs with a reliable Volkswagen? John Terry investing in a fleet of Volvos, Fords and Vauxhalls (very ordinay but to some men nubers matter), Accrington Stanley’s star player marrying a Skoda Estelle, Peter Crouch eloping with a mobile crane and Wayne Rooney exposed after paying fifty quid to spend a night with a 1976 Morris Marina?

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9 thoughts on “American Man Boasts Of Having Sex With A Thousand Cars

  1. This didn’t surprise me at all. At school there was a joke – “Did you hear about the man who made love to a Princess? He burnt his willy on the exhaust pipe.”

    Which will only make sense to those of us of a certain age now.

    Then while we were living on Kefalonia we noticed the strange behaviour of a guy at one of the garages we used to stop at for gasoline.

    Suffice it to say we nicknamed him ‘The Car Fondler’ and purchased our fuel at another establishment from then on. There’s nowt so strange as folks. :))

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  2. When I worked for a short time as a petrol pumper there was a product called Red X which was squirted into the tank to help the engine run smoothly.

    Drivers would say, “Fill it up and give me two shots.”

    Your guy puts a different perspective on that.

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  3. I used to have dreams about a big Cadillac once and how nicely the back seat fitted Sophie Jean and I, Absolute heaven–she didn’t have to put her legs through the back window.

    Sorry, what were you talking about?

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    • Haing sex in a Caddy and having sex with one are very different.

      Never managed a Cadillac but I did it (with a redhead called Cindy) in a Pontiac once. They’re much better laid out than British cars.

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