Mozart Exposes Another Scientific Scam

Playing Mozart to your unborn child will not boost it’s intelligence new research has found. So if you have been blasting Rondo A La Turk or Eine Kleine Nachtmusic up you wife or girlfriend’s chuff tewnty-four/seven hoping it will improve your child’s performance at school or turn said child into an infant genius who gets their first PhD at age seven, give the lass a break and let her listen to some Take That or Adele..

The so called “Mozart effect” was first introduced to the public’s attention in 1993, when a “peer reviewed” study published in the prestigious and gobsmackingly pompous “scientific” journal “Nature” reported that fastening a set of speakers to a pregnant lady’s belly with gaffer tape and playing Mozart’s 1781 sonata for two pianos in D major (KV 488) would lead to her having a super intelligent and preternaturally mature child. OK I misrepresented that a bit for comic effect. In fact the study showed that listening to classical music improved college students cognitive abilities compared with students who listed to other music or none at all.

Since then sales of Mozart CDs for children have become popular very popular among “Liberal” parents in the USA and Daily Mail readers in the UK. In 1998 the US state of Georgia even gave every mother of a newborn baby a free classical music CD. It’s no effing wonder then that kids are all hooked on Ketamine, Miaow miaow and Crystal Meth, are sexually degenerate and are out of thye streets causing trouble. The burden of such expectations and the deliterious effect of classical music on the minds of people who want only to listen to Rage Against the Machine or the simian rapping of MC Cunty and the Misogynistic Cunts must be disatrous.

Some of you will have noticed that I am seldom impresed by those who call themselves “scientists” and bang on about the “scientific method” as if a bunch of addle brained coneheads in white coats are the only human beings who are capable of working medodically. Accountants are, are they not, methodical? Bookies who lay bets on horse racing and other events are, are they not, methodical? Cild murderers are, are they not, methodical in the way they stalk, groom, abduct and kill their selected victims and then cover up the evidence?

Although I said this was a properly set up and conducted experiment and study, carried out scientifically by scientists using science, as usual the so called scientific method got in the way of the scientits seeing what was staring them in the fucking face, i.e. that people are different and react differently to stimuli. The findings of the classical music study met with scepticism in the scientific community and other studies failed to reproduce the results. And no wonder, those among you who are well informed may recall Alex, the murderous young thug who is the central charcter in “A Clockwork Orange” being a big fan of Beethoven. Athony Burgess knew just what he was doing in creating that fictional device.

Right, I’m off to listen to the oprning chorus of O Fortuna, then it’s off to town to do a bit of vandalising, torching, looting and knocking coppers’ hats off.

Read a more sensible take on this story at Yahoo News

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