Just When I Thought It Was Save To Lose The ‘R’

He’s got back in the water the bastard.

For most of my life I was Ian Thorpe. The R of my middle name (It’s Raymond but I never tell anyone that) was useful for adding a flourish to my signature on cheques and was required by law on certain documents but I managed to get by without it for most things until the end of the last century.

Then the imposter appeared, an Australian whippersnapper calling himself Ian Thorpe was winning every swimming race imaginable. To save myself the hassle of reading about a hundred fan e-mails a day from people wanting autographs, pictures or tips on improving their swimming techique I had to become Ian R Thorpe. It was partly successful, I only got 50 fan e-mails a day.

I even wrote to the imposter and offered to make a web page for him so people looking for “Ian Thorpe” + swimming would not be directed to my poems and stories. The overlong, clown – footed upstart replied (very politely I have to say) that he had no interest in the internet.

I was effectively stuck up my own R.

Fortunately he got an agent after his success in the 2000 Olympics but I was still stuck with my R for the sake of the few dozen people who looked for Ian Thorpe the poet, writer and occasional stand up.

Then Ian decided to give up competitive swimming and concentrate on business. As he gradually faded into the background I had less and less mail about swimming until it struck me earlier this year I was not getting any. Time to lose the R and just be me again.

Just as I was getting near to complete eradication of the R, I hear the other one is planning a comeback for the 2012 Olympic game. Looks like I’m going to be Ian R Thorpe for a bit longer.

BASTARD.

6 thoughts on “Just When I Thought It Was Save To Lose The ‘R’

    • There are a few Michele Brentons too. One of which who isn’t a Michele Brenton but gets spelled wrong all the time & means a Google for me can turn up the info someone of my name appeared nude in a film with Anita Pallenberg and Mick Jagger in 1968. Not me obviously cos I was only six at the time and not allowed to cross the road on my own let alone spend moments with members of the Rolling Stones. And I wouldn’t have anyway because I liked Ringo from the Beatles then.

      But as far as I know there’s only one banana_the_poet 🙂

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      • One poet banana,
        there’s only one poet banana,
        One poet banaaaaaaaana,
        there’s only one poet banana.

        Hey, seeing your proper name reminded me you left me a comment at Triond’s webupon site weeks ago. Are you a member there? Give me a link and we’ll connect.

        authorsden.com is a lot better for traffic boosting links but bronze membership, the lowest level that is useful costs $15 a quarter.

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      • Wouldn’t bank on it lasting for long tho. In a world of 7 billion, statistically another banana the poet will surely emerge.
        It’s only a matter of rhyme 😉

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    • One good thing is any writers passing themselves off as Ian Thorpe will be sumerged under thousands of swimming and underwear sites as I am. Still, I’m the only Boggart Blog, the only Daily Stirrer and the only Greenteeth Multi Media.

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      • Mike, if you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of word processors and an infinite amount of time would they eventully produce the complete works of banana the poet?

        Like

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