Asprin Can Cure Death Say Scientists

A new report on research by American scientists sats studies have shown an Asprin tablet a day can cure death.

The amazing things is, this seems to work retroactively,” said the report’s lead author, “if people take their daily asprin they live for the whole of the previous twenty four hours. If they fail to take the recommended dosage our research team found they die in the previous twenty four hours,” said Doctor Max Kontric of Pharmaville University.

“We have not yet found a way of making corpses swallow an asprin tablet although we are confident that once we do so the death process will be reversed,” he added.

7 thoughts on “Asprin Can Cure Death Say Scientists

    • I was supposed to take asaprin daily Roy, good job I didn’t as my Dad’s life was made hell by the same thing. I did not have a dofdgy stomach as he did but wasn’t taking any chances)
      When I eventually had a brain haemorrhage, cause by a condition that could have been easily controlled had the right drug been prescibed, the blood thinning effect of that daily aspirin would have killed me.

      There is a word missing from all these scientific studies, susceptibility.

      I hope the asprin works for you but if your stomach starts giving you problems it would probably be wise to avoid it.


  1. Now now Ian, lets not be trashgressing into Tel Boy’s domain of the plain ridiculous ‘truth’.
    but yeah, any excuse to jack up the price from its now quite incredible low. There’s lots of dosh to be made.. except people can just chew on a strip of willow bark instead.
    Quite tasty, apparently!


  2. Hmm. I thought that taking an aspirin a day for a prolonged period (ie, your life!) started to eat into your stomach lining. Galloping gut-rot doesn’t sound very healthy to me.


  3. It is amazing that we have come into the era of murderous medicine. Aspirin can cause a perforated ulcer, paracetamol and ibuprofen flatten the liver quicker than a bottle of Johnny Walker and Statins lower cholesterol and kill every organ in sight. We can be assured of one thing: dying without a headache! (Oh and anti-depressants bring on suicide so you die happy too).


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