Budgie Smugglers the only safe swimwear on Hampstead Heath

After years of being ridiculed by the terminally under endowed and the fashion conscious my swimwear of choice is now suddenly back in the public eye. Budgie Smugglers are the recommended swimwear for those who don’t want their nudger nibbled while enjoying a swim.

There is a tradition at the pools on London’s Hampstead Heath for male swimmers to nip of into the bushes together for a bit of cock action get their swimwear off once in the water and enjoy a nude swim. Men using the pools are now being warned against swimming in the nude in open-air ponds – because of an invasion of red swamp crayfish.


Yes you can see the problem such creatures would pose for men swimming in the nude. Boggart Blog wants to extend the warning however because these little buggers can easily run up the leg of a pair of swimming shorts to inflict damage when they see something that loks like a big fat grub.

There are now estimated to be more than 5,000 of the five-inch long crayfish, which use their powerful claws to catch fish in the ponds and are ‘very defensive’ of their territory.

After an increase in the number of crayfish suicide attacks on swimmers willys in the two ponds on the Heath all year round locals have been warned to ‘beware’ of the crayfish nipping at them as they swim.

We advise our readers that the only safe swimwear for men wanting to use the ponds is a good strong pair of budgie smugglers as shown below. Left: how budgie smugglers got the name. Right: classic budgie smugglers.

budgie-smuggling classic budgie smugglers

Hearts and Minds

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