What could be more harmless than a child’s water pistol you might well ask.
The reply, screamed in the hysterical tones of a scared, assault rifle wiElding security guy is “ALMOST ANYTHING!!! A WATER PISTOL IS A WEAPON FAVOURED BY TERRORISTS AND AS SUCH PRESENTS A CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER TO SOCIETY!!! POP TARTS, CUPCAKES, PHOTOGRAPHS OF GUNS AND LEGO BRICKS THAT CAN BE MADE INTO GUN SHAPED OBJECTS, ALL OF THESE POISE A THREAT AND MUST BE ELIMIATED!!!”
Yes, in American, The Land Of The Fear, a water pistol taken to school by a child is now considered a terrorist threat.
This is so frustrating for satirical bloggers. If we tried making this shit us, nobody would read us on account of it’s being too surreal and fantastical.
School Calls Cops Over Water Pistol; Vows To Track Down Owner Using Surveillance Cams
Posted by or from a variety of publications on EducationViews.org on March 13, 2013 in Daily
It is now a daily occurrence for school officials somewhere in America to freak out, call the police, and discipline students over anything vaguely resembling a gun. On Monday it was the turn of Malden High School in Massachusetts.
A teacher at the school reportedly glimpsed sight of a gun, and alerted police who rushed to the scene only to discover a neon water pistol.
A teacher reported hearing a clicking motion, and thought a student may have had a gun, Superintendent David DeRuosi told reporters.
After school was dismissed, police located the harmless toy and filed a report, according to Malden Police Lt. Det. Marc Gatcomb.
no persons were threatened that we know of, Gatcomb wrote in an email.
Any rational person may have concluded that that was the end of the matter. Not in America 2.0, however.
School officials are now on the hunt for the culprit who brought the water pistol on to school grounds.
You cant take any of that stuff lightly today, Superintendent DeRuosi said, adding that state of the art surveillance cameras that were recently installed as part of the schools renovation, will help track down the student responsible, and allow officials to hold him or her responsible for such a heinous action.
Once apprehended, the student will face internal disciplinary action for the incident, school officials said.
As we have seen over the past few weeks, in the wake of the Sandy Hook shooting, these kind of ridiculous knee jerk overreactions at schools are now a daily occurrence.
Earlier this month, a 7-year-old boy from Maryland was suspended for unintentionally biting his pop tart into the shape of a gun. The incident was the latest in a long line of ridiculous suspensions and disciplinary actions against students for anything even remotely gun related. It prompted Maryland Sen. J. B. Jennings to introduce a bill to stop such idiotic over reactions being played out over and over again in schools.
And boy are they being played out.
Last week a third grader in Michigan was reprimanded by school officials when he brought a cupcake to school with a plastic toy soldier, holding a gun, on top of it.
A ten year old Virginia boy who was arrested for taking a plastic toy gun to school is now facing a potentially permanent criminal record over the incident.
A student in Florence, Arizona was recently suspended because he had a picture of a gun on his computer.
A six-year-old kindergartner in South Carolina was suspended for taking a small transparent plastic toy gun to school for a show and tell.
A day before that incident we reported on the five-year-old in Massachusetts who faced suspension for building a small toy gun out of lego bricks and play-shooting his classmates.
We also reported on an incident that erupted when a discussion between two children about a toy nerf gun caused a lockdown and a massive armed police response at two elementary schools in the Bronx.
Having noted in the past that Dennis The Menace has been castrated by the Politically Correct Thought Police and now only menaces people by being overly helpful, we wonder what modern school authorities in the modern wussducation system would make of the arsenal of spud guns, pea shooters, catapults, firecrackers and DIY thermo nuclear devices that daily found their way into schools in my era?