Flapjacks Of Mass Destruction

You don’t have to be certified insane to get a job as a teacher, but you are going to need to be cocooned in a bubble of madness if you are to survive in the profession.

A couple of weeks ago we reported paranid schizophrenic staff at a U S junior school called in a SWAT Team when a pupil took into class a child’s plastic water pistol that looked very similar to … a childs plastic water pistol. As if to prove british teacher are as Politically Correc, hysterical and loony as any Americans, staff at a secondary school in Essex have told caterers they can no longer serve triangle shaped flapjacks after one was thrown at a pupil.

According to reports, canteen staff at Castle View School in Canvey Island, Essex, have been told to cut flapjacks into rectangles or squares rather than triangles.

We understand that the ban was introduced after a triangular flapjack was thrown, hitting a boy in the face.

Critics of Politically Correct looniness in Education have pointed out that a square flapjack has more sharp edges than a triangle shaped one. A teachers union official responded, “There are many reasons for banning triangular flapjacks, one is they are more aerodynamic. Everybody whows the spacecraft used by aliens planning to conquer earth are delta shaped. And then of course the triangle is symbolic of the female pubic area so triangular flapjacks are sexist.

Asked why flapjacks were not banned outright because being brown in colour they could be offensive to pupils from ethnic minoriti

Despite this, Essex County Council said the ban was “not a county council decision” but confirmed the incident and the decision on behalf of the school.

A spokesperson for Castle View School, Canvey Island, said: ?I can confirm that the texture and shape of the flapjacks were reviewed following an isolated accident last week.?

This is not the first time flapjacks have been banned for being a risk.

Famously, Education Secretary, Michael Gove, was stopped from taking flapjacks – given to him by his wife – into a cabinet meeting in 2011.

He was detained by security at the time and told the flapjacks were a security risk and would not be allowed in the cabinet room.

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