Stinky Fingers

The Duchess, a nightclub singer from Las Vegas has not cut her fingernails since 1990. The gold-painted talons are now 11 ft on the left hand, and 10 ft on the right.

The mother-of-four insists her long curling nails are not expensive to maintain and do not inconvenience her.

“Well actually, maintenance, I do it myself, so it doesn’t really cost me anything. I make my own polish! I put in a little extra nail polish remover, it makes them dry faster.”

She added: “I file them every three months down to the finger nail and put another layer of acrylic on.”

That was not the kind of inconvenience we were thinking of. Kahlid Ahmed, an Iraqi I used to work with was fond of saying, “If you go to bed with an itchy arse you’ll wake up with stinky fingers.”

I hate to think of the consequences if The Duchess goes to bed with an itchy arse.”

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