How Drunken Monkeys Climed The Evolutionary Tree

drunken monkey

Alcohol was thought to have been first brewed by Neolithic farmers around 9,000 years ago when northern Chinese villagers made the happy discovery that fruit and honey could be fermented into an intoxicating liquor.

But new evidence suggests our ancestors had become accustomed to drinking nearly 10 million years before. So ignore those hand wringing, moanie – moanie fuddy – duddies and their ‘three thimblefuls a week makes you an alcoholic’ shit. If it wasn’t for booze we’d still be swinging around in trees. Booze culture is evolutionary

Anthropologists are now turning to the view that when primates left the trees and began walking on two feet they also started scooping up mushy, fermented fruit which was lying on the ground. And over time their bodies learned to process the ethanol present and their minds learned the meaning of “It’s party time.”.

 A team at Santa Fe College in the US studied the ADH4 gene  which enables us to produce an enzyme to break down alcohol in the body. Do not make the mistake of thinking this is linked to ADHD, ADH4 actually stands for Alcohol Deficiency Hopelessness 4 gene which is not present in miserable fuckers who never have a drink. Any primates unable to digest the fermented fruits would have died before passing on their genes, but those who could would have passed the drinking gene on to their offspring.

It was hypothesised that the booze metabolising gene did not appear until alcohol was first produced by early farmers in Asia. But researchers were amazed to observe it 10 million years earlier, at the end of the Miocene epoch.

The findings could explain why tree-dwelling orang-utans still cannot metabolize alcohol while humans, chimps and gorillas all of which are more familiar with the ground through hitting it face first while rat – arsed, can. The lesson we learn fom this is never go for a drink with an Orang Outan, they’s either get aggressive and beat the crap out of you because they are ten times stronger than an adult human male, or they’ll throw up on you, pass out and you will have to carry them home because no cabbie will take them.

Other that that, and bearing in mind another recent study showed that alcohol related illness is overstated, far more cases in the liver disease ‘pandemic’ are due to doctors overprescribing paracetamol than has been acknowledged preciously, your Boggart Bloggers advise you to get ready for a great Christmas. BRING IT ON.

Read more on this Story:

Hominid ancestors beat humans to the drinks cabinet, say boffins

Alcohol Aware
Alcohol and breast cancer risk
Alcohol minimum price fscism
Alocohol minimum price fascism
Alcohol related authoritarianism

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