You’ve got to love religion haven’t you? What would we do for laughs without it. When confronted with stories like one I read today often wonder what would the great Dave Allen have made of modern religious fanaticism?
Islamic Preacher: Masturbating Men Will Find Their Hands Pregnant In The Afterlife’
A Muslim cleric has warned the sons of The Prophet that men who occasionally spank the monkey (and let’s be honest lads, we all do) could find their hands are pregnant when they reach the afterlife.
Turkey’s Hürriyet Daily News reports that Mucahid Cihad Han issued his warning during a live TV broadcast after a married man the show to say he could not stop masturbating, even on a pilgrimage to Mecca.
Han responded that masturbation was a sin in Islam. He added:
“Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights.
“If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?
The self-styled televangelist advised the viewer to “resist Satan’s temptations. Satan, I thought it was Mrs. Palm and he five daughters doing the tempting.
Wanking is a controversial issue in Islam as The Prophet (PBOH) did not pronounce directly on it. There are varying opinions on how permissible masturbation can be.
The Koran has no clear reference to the act and many hadiths (teachings of Mohammed outside of the Koran) are of questionable authenticity. Some scholars of Islam take the view that if knocking one off the wrist was an abomination, the Koran would have mentioned it, others say it should be obvious that enjoying oneself privately in a way that does not kill infidels must be a sin.
Few Islamic scholars consider it “haram (forbidden) but believe if God had no objection to men handling their meat he would not have made it look quite so much like a pork sausage. Most Islamic clerics therefore consider masturbation “makruh (disliked or offensive). Some even say it is permissible in certain circumstances, such as avoiding temptation to commit adultery.