After The Goldrush In Rural France

Let’s see if Populis can manage not to lose my content this time …

Hippies and New Age tree shaggers have set up camps in the shadow of the 4,000ft summit of the Pic de Bugarach in south-western France.

The mountain which is honeycombed with caves, is thought to have inspired the Steven Spielberg movie Close Encounters Of The Third Kind and the classic novel Journey To The Centre Of The Earth.

The nutters believe that in a scenarion reminiscent of the Neil Young song After The Goldrush, on December 21st this year a spaceship will emerge from the bowels of the earth (I’ll rephrase that; emerge from the depths of the mountain,) and hover above their camp sucking them up in a tractor beam into the ship to be taken away from this dying planet or as the song has it, “carrying Mother Nature’s silver seed to a new home in the sun.” (full lyric)

One of the hippies who had quit his job and abandoned his family to join the throng on their journey into space told Boggart Blog:

” “There are serious things going on here, I want to be part of it. These things exist and people have the right to know.”

Another, who who declined to give a name was not fully convinced that the world will end on December 21 but said: “I do think the capitalist system is going to collapse then.”

Patrice Etienne, who runs an organic cafe (with a special line in mushroom soup?) in the village, is certain the mountain holds a major secret.

He said: “People walking on the mountain report that their cameras jammed when they tried to take pictures. They heard strange noises coming from underground.

“We have seen military aircraft, police and soldiers. It’s like a Spielberg movie. They are looking for something. There is something in this mountain, definitely.”

He spoke the truth: Police and troops have been drafted into the village and its environs and the mountain has been made a no-go area for five days from December 19.

Inspecteur Clouseau of the Deuxieme Bureau told our reporter, “Eet is seulment a precaution. Zere are beaucoup be nutters wandeuring around ze mountain, wheut eef one of zem should let euf a beumb to expeuse ze space sheep. We are respeunsible feur these imbeciles and European Euman Rights leur deus not allow us to shoot zem.”

But the end-of-the-world crowd say the ban on climbing the mountain is nothing to do with safety and the military is really there to investigate dozens of recent UFO sightings and make first contact with alien leaders and invite them to join the Bilderberg Group.

They claim the authorities actions prove the area is a hotbed of alien activity in the run-up to Doomsday — when the Mayan calendar’s 5,125-year cycle finishes.

Boggart Blog thinks these people are just a bunch of harmless fantasists but we have moved our office Chritmas party to from December 23 to 20th just in case.

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Warmageddonists will not accept global warming was a scam

Double Standards Or Getting Priorities Right?

It has been well reported that Conservative and Liberal Democrat Ministers in the Coalition government will boycott the Euro 2012 football extravaganza in protest at the racism displayed bt fans in the host nations, Poland and Ukraine.

It has been less well reported that the boycott will be lifted if England make it through to the quarter finals.

So now we know that there is nothing more important than combatting racism , right. Unless of course it involves giving struggling politicians a photo opportunity and a chance to bask in reflected glory.

Boggart Blog predicts the big news stories that will not happen in 2012

It is a long estbablished tradition, observed since last year, that Boggart Blog’s first post of the New Year makes some predictions about what will happen in the coming twelve months. Nobody could have predicted how surreal and insane the stories that unfolded in 2011 would be so this year we are breaking with tradition a little and predicting ten things that will not happen in 2012.

Things that will not happen in 2012.

(1) Eurozone leaders will not agree that the single currency was an insane idea born out of a bureaucratic desire to abolish democracy. Having failed to see what is obvious to everyone else they will compound their folly by also not agreeing to stop wasting everybody’s time and money and disband the European Monetary System immediately.

(2) There will not be free and democratic elections in any of the nations involved in the Arab Spring. Such elections are their are will be controlled by Islamic fundamentalist groups whose bloodthirsty, fanatical thugs election monitors will behead anyone who refuses to hand over their ballot paper and ask the fundamentalists leader to fill it in for them. The resulting “democratically elected government will not work towards a liberal western style democracy nor will they honour promises not to impose sharia law.

(3) In the USA the Republican Party will not find a credible candidate to take on Barack Obama. Unfortunately for the dwindling number of sane Americans in spite of arguments about Obama’s eligibility to serve as President having rumbled on throughout his Presidency, the US will not resolve the situation by passing a Catch 22 law which stipulates that as insaniacs are not eligible to be President and because anyone who wants to be President is obviously insane, all those who agree to run for the post are automatically disqualified.

(4) Manchester United player Patrice Evra will not drop his charge of racism against Liverpool’s Luis Suarez. Evra will tell a court: “My word against his my arse, what kind of justice system to you British run? The law of my tribe stipulates if I say he’s guilty then he’s guilty. And by the way, that Lorraine Kelly, right, she is a witch, you should stone her and burn her body. Everyone in the civilized world knows that’s the only way to get rid of evil spirits.”

(5) Anti hacking regulations will not stop tabloids revealing Ryan Giggs has been boffing Pippa Middleton, Tian Tian the Panda and Ann Widdecombe.

(6) The Olympic Games project will not be completed ahead of time and under budget. Britain’s athletes will not win shitloads of medals as they will all be trapped in their accommodation due to dodgy builders forgetting to put handles on the inside of the doors. The 57 old farts who run all sport will not admit the whole thing was a complete shambles and an exercise in wasting money not will they fuck the fucking fuck off and let competent people run the next one.

(7) The Queen will not jump on stage and stage dive into the audience during Ozzie Osbournes set at the Diamond Jubilee rock concert .

(8) Barack Obama will not be elected for a second term as President of the USA in spite of The Republicans not having a candidate. The election will be won by Bubbles the Chimp. Students of the US Consitution will immediately claim Bubbles is not elegible due to not being human. Bubble’s supporters will respond by saying those questioning the candidate’s legitimacy are racists.The highlight of Bubble’s victory speech will be the point at which he throws shit at the assembled Ambassadors and foreign leaders.

(9) BBC Radio 4 will not broadcast a fair, balanced and unbiased report on the Today programme. In a hearing before the Press complaints committee BBC executives will point out that as everyone who listens to Radio 4 is dead, the complaints are from supporters of political groups who object to paying the licence fee.

(10) The world will not come to an end. Scholars studying the Mayan calendar which predicts the end of the world on December 21, 2012, will finally decipher the last set of inscriptions and discover they read, “Gone to lunch, back at 1:30 pm, volcanic activity permitting.”

Boggart Blog Predictions For 2011
The Guinness Gazing Prophecies Of Jenny Greenteeth
The Psychic Octopus