Well now we know how it came down to this sorry end for your Boggart Bloggers.
Fatsally and I were set on our degenerate paths that led through decadence and debauchery to the final state of ruin that is being a Boggart Blogger at an early age it turns out. Our indulgent, bohemian parents would not just allow us to have a sip of beer from Dads glass or a teeny weeny taste of Mums G & T but sometimes a small glass of watered wine with Sunday lunch.
It seemed innocuous at the time but in those days of course children did not have an army of (cue portentous chords) GOVERNMENT EXPERTS to protect them from the irresponsibility of their loving parents. Now anybody who does not heed the dire warnings issued by (cue portentous chords) GOVERNMENT EXPERTS has only themselves to blame when the slippery slope upon which they have set their children leads to success, hapiness and a well – balanced personality rather than the alcoholism, drug addiction and health breakdown those brought up in fear of adult life can look forward to.
Eleven year old alcoholics might not be binge drinking had their parents not encouraged them to have a supervised suppeen. Right. Can anyone really belive what the (cue portentous chords) GOVERNMENT EXPERTS tell us, that it would never occur to our precious little darlings to get into the voddy while Mum and were down the supermarket had the evil bogey woman The Snot Breathing Bag Lady been invoked at any mention of drink?
So what became of fatsally and I? How were we destroyed by early exposure to the demon drink. Well we both look ten years younger than we are, a sure sign of a wasted youth. Neither of us have grey hair though in my case that may be due to my genes. 2000 of them are Grecian. Fatsallys girlish figure (her name isnt Sally either) is probably down to her considerable athletic prowess as a swimmer. Oh yes, whenever she is up at our Dear Old Mums in Morecambe she leaps into the sea at Heysham and swims to Dublin and back before breakfast, (that may be a slight exaggeration but she is a very good swimmer.)
We both were sucked into good careers and enjoyed prosperous, rather Bohemian middle class lifestyles this was no doubts due to those sips of booze, teenage tokes on shared joints that an earlier generation of ( cue portentous chords) GOVERNMENT EXPERTS warned would inevitably lead to anybody who partook becoming hopelessly addicted. We did of course, we became addicted to living well and having a good time. When working in London I would sometimes walk from the office to Piccadilly Circus, passing the street dwellers on The Strand, pathetic bundles of human wreckage who had lost all self respect and as they gazed enviously at my Guiseppe Alessi suit and Crombie overcoat I wondered what kind of blameless childhood they must have suffered to have come to that condition. But obviously if Fatsally and I got it all so wrong,living in a cardboard box is what we should have aspired to.
Who could have know that we would eventually be Boggart Bloggers rather than the semi tranparent down-and out I could have been had I only listened to the GOVERNMENT EXPERTS.
BTW GUISEPPE ALESSI was very good a bespoke tailor in Blackburn (retired now) His name sounds as good as any celebrity designer though.
The Lazy Pupils Examination Aid