Make A Fruit Happy

For quite a few years now we have been exhorted to eat five portions of fruit and veg per day.

Whilst sales of fruit and veg have increased it has been shown that the amount of fruit and veg discarded has also increased, but hey, that’s typical of us Brits, you can lead a horse to water and all that.

However Boggartblog has been conducting some research into what really happens to all this veg, but more particularly fruit, that is grown, harvested, transported, washed,. packaged, despatched, displayed, bought, unwrapped and then ultimately left to age, sadly, in a fruit bowl on a sideboard, ignored and occasionally positively shunned by the very people, if you are being pedantic, that brought it into the world in the first place.

Many, many pieces of fruit are sourced from intensive factory farms, where the seedlings are forced using artificial light and irrigation systems. Often the seedlings have insufficient room to grow and spread their branches.
Sadly by the time the seedlings are thinned out, many will have withered and died.

Barely old enough or strong enough to stand unsupported, the young fruit plants and trees are taken from the relative security and warmth of the nursery and planted out on in unprotected fields.
Once established they are force fed fertiliser, accelerating their growth to two and sometimes three times the normal rate.

As soon as they show signs of flowering they are pollinated.

Once the process has started the plants are expected to produce fruit every year, ultimately leading to early onset senility and barrenness, at which point the plants are ruthlessly ripped up and cast aside, to slowly starve to death.

Millions of pieces of fruit start their lives in these appalling conditions.
Many are queueing up to be picked,packed and despatched in the mistaken belief that a better life awaits them in distant countries.

Sadly many pieces of fruit will perish during the journey from branch to shop shelf.

The fruit are transported closely packed in wooden crates. They are often chilled or even frozen. Fruits that have gone bad and mouldy are left in the crates, smelling and rotting, whilst those around them are unable to help.

Once on these shores conditions are little better.

The fruit are sent to packing factories, where they are sorted for size and quality. Families are routinely split up and seperated.

Once sorted the fruit are often placed on polystyrene trays, and in many cases sealed in clingfilm.

Then they are sent out and put on display in brightly lit supermarkets, where shoppers come along and fondle them willy nilly, sometimes poking, sometimes squeezing, sometimes dropping on the floor before throwing back onto the shelf.

Then when they are finally selected, scanned and paid for, they are taken home to be summarily ignored and forgotten, until either a new batch of fruit is brought into the house and they are discarded, or, the homeowners finally notice a funny smell and trace the source to the sad puddle of unrecogniseable mould quietly bio-degrading in the fruit bowl.

Sometimes they are stored in the bottom of the fridge where they slowly revert to the primordial slime from which they pre-historically emerged.

It is no way to treat noble pieces of fruit. Fruit that has served mankind stoically through the ages.

Where would man be without Adam, Eve, the serpent and the apple?

Bacchanalian debauchery would not have been possible without the grapes!

What would the Bells Of St. Clements say if it wasn’t Oranges and Lemons?

Would the most successful female group of the 20th century have made it as Rama without the Banana?

Boggartblog is asking you to help in its project to give fruit a better quality of life.
It won’t cost you anything and will only take a minute of your time but the positive effect it will have on your piece of fruit will fill you with a glowing satisfaction that will last far longer even than an irradiated tomato.

Mr Sally has been pioneering our exciting new project all summer.

The premise is simple:


Yes, it is as simple and easy as that.

When you are heading off on a trip, be it work or pleasure, slip a banana on the dasboard, or a peach in change receptacle.

Apples and oranges fit nicely into the drinks holders.

A bunch of grapes will sit quite happily on the back seat, and they don’t squabble like the kids do!

When you come back at the end of the day your piece of fruit will be rejuvenated.

It will have stories to tell the other pieces of fruit about the things it has seen and done.

It will know their is life beyond the fruit bowl and in many cases your little act of kindness will inspire all the pieces of fruit in the fruit bowl to go on to bigger and better things.

They could aim for the compost heap and thus become organic fertiliser, perhaps even one day their pips ending up as a plant or tree themselves, and giving a better start in life to their offspring then they ever dreamed possible.

All it takes is one small act of kindness on your part, but it could make a world of difference to your fruit.

Soon Food Will Cost Us The Earth
Property Prices To Fall

The Time Has Come The Walrus Said….

Indeed the time has come to start spending the money neither we, nor the banks, have got, but Gordon the Terrible has the printing presses working 24/7 in order to maintain a constant supply of the old filthy lucre to slip through our fingers into the hands of the developing nations, be it through their consumer goods or their call centres when we try to find out why our brand new Daewoo flatscreen t.v. with laptop and internet access espresso refrigerated mixer and ice cube maker will not work.

And perhaps, being a tightwad like me, you may wonder about the wisdom of forking out a small fortune on pieces of card, decorated with pictures of snowy scenes, robins, wreaths and ice skaters and bearing variations on a theme of “Seasons Greetings”, even though some of them will actually say that of the £3.99 you spent on a box of 10, 1 penny will be donated to charity for each card bought.

You may wonder how you might better spend your time on these winter evenings rather than sitting at the kitchen table for a couple of hours a night trying to remember whether Ginny Reynolds had three kids or two and what on earth was her current partner called, seeing as how you haven’t seen her since leaving school back in 1984.

You may baulk at the necessity to pay first class postage for all these cards as the last date for second class post was 24th November, to people you knew once, a long time ago, and would walk past in the street these days, and who obviously only send you a Christmas card when yours pops through their letterbox, hence not receiving their card until the middle of January.

But what to do to salve your conscience at this time of giving?

Simply give generously to the annual Boggartblog Christmas appeal.

For the past two years we have campaigned on behalf of the millions of bereft socks, condemned to a lonely existence at the bottom of the washing basket as their partners make their way goodness knows where, allegedly with the help of washing machines.

Last year we were pleased to announce the founding of the Fletcher Memeorial Home for Seperated Socks and Stockings and the Greta Garbo Home for Wayward Socks.

During the summer we brought you news of an innovative pairing and breeding programme being undertaken by the homes.

And Boggartblog is still championing this charity.

However this year we have become increasingly concerned about the number of abandoned hi-visibility jackets.

Hi-visibility jackets have been encouraged to proliferate to provide flourescent wear for anyone undertaking anything ever, in the interests of Health and Safety.

Outdoor workers wear hi-vis, indoor workers wear hi-vis, drivers wear hi-vis, pedestrians wear hi-vis, adults wear hi-vis, children wear hi-vis, even animals wear hi-vis.

But some people seem to be a little careless, not treating their flourescent friend with the respect it deserves. It seems that to some people hi-vis is a disposable commodity, hence the growing number of hi-vis items found abandoned at the side of the road, behind the dustbins, in streams, rivers and ponds, stuck in trees and even dangling from electricity pylons.

This year Boggartblog is asking you to support us in our efforts to make ownership of high visibility clothing subject to CRB checks and the holding of an appropriate licence.

Boggartblog has won the contract from the government to carry out CRB checks on its behalf for anyone wishing or needing, through the course of their employment, to keep or wear high visibility clothing.
Subject to a satisfactory CRB check a licence will be issued, at a cost of £55.00 per annum.

But campaigning for the basic rights of the high visibility fraternity does not come cheap. So far this year Boggartblog has spent £4.25 of its own money on this cause. In order to get the necessary legislation through Parliament we need to raise a further £9.63 million, and that is why we are asking you for your help.

You can donate on line, just leave your credit or debit card details at Boggartblog Hi-Vis Scampaign and indicate the amount you wish us to take.
We also accept cheques and cash.
Alternatively if you have any unwanted gold jewellery lying about we would be more than happy to take that off your hands.

Please remember our flourescent friends this Christmas and give generously.

Creepy And Evil Christmas Presents
We Wish You A Merry Christmas – But Not In Dundee
Holding Out For A Hero
The Boggart Blog Christmas Appeal 2008
Prime Minister’s Crap Christmas

Boggartblog Christmas Appeal

As Christmas aproaches we at Boggartblog take a special pride in the work we do with our chosen charity, The Fletcher Memorial Home For Seperated Socks and Stockings and the Greta Garbo Home for Wayward Socks.

It is at this time of year that one tends to think about odd stockings and indeed, it is traditional for people to buy a special stocking and hang it from the mantlepiece, where it can enjoy the warmth of the central heating and also be the centre of attention, especially on Christmas morning, when excited children will come rushing downstairs to find what presents have materialised in their stocking.

However we urge all of you out there to think hard before buying one of these specially bred stockings.
Stockings are, by nature, designed to be one of a pair, and even though the intense commercialisation of Christmas has given rise to oversized, brightly coloured items of hosiery, these little fellows, which look cute enough now, will soon be confined to a lonely twelve months at the bottom of the decoration box in the attic.
They will not even have a partner or sole-mate to keep them company through the long sweltering days that represent an insulated loft’s summer climate.
Do you really want your stocking to suffer like that?

Boggartblog suggests that you take a pair of your own socks, or better still, two or more of the odd socks that invariably lurk at the bottom of the washing basket and use these for your Christmas stocking. Let’s face it, unless you have feet the size of Michael Phelp’s, it will be a sight cheaper to fill one of these in these straitened times, and it will also provide an albeit brief sense of purpose in these singular socks’ lives.

Boggartblog also asks that at this time of giving you think of all the socks you have lost or mislayed during the past year. At the Fletcher Memorial and the Greta Garbo homes the staff are dedicated to providing treatment and care for the lost, damaged socks that are brought to us.

£2.50 will pay for laundry for 37 socks of similar colour.

£5.00 will pay for a month’s suply of needles and darning wool, to treat the damaged socks.

£495.99 will provide a bespoke camphor wood drawer, which can provide shelter for 28 single socks and stockings.

Or you can adopt a stocking. Simply arrange a monthly donation by direct debit, and we will choose a sock or stocking to be your very own. You will receive a photo of your stocking and regular updates on it’s progress.



Five Go Round Robin
Christmas Is Bollocks