(Cue music: big bottom by Spinal Tap)
We missed reporting the Oscars from Hollywood last night. Other bloggers were up all night live blogging but we gave it a miss because:
Everyone knew Daniel Day Lewis was going to win.
Daniel Day Lewis has a thin, reedy voice.
Daniel Day Lewis can’t act.
Daniel Day Lewis won an Oscar for playing a spazza. When me and my mates did an ensemble spazza round the schoolyard in 1963 we all got detention. So Daniel Day Lewis is obviously an agent of the New World Order.
Daniel Day Lewis is a twat.
Instead of covering the Oscars then, Boggart Blog’s owner sent us to report the Arsecars.
Dionne Washington was up for the top award, she claims to have the biggest arse in the world (except for Daniel Day Lewis who is an arse). See for yourselves:
Dionne (5′ 4″) told the Boggart Blog reporter she cant imagine anything worse than dieting. Her massive bum is 5ft 3ins across (Boggart Blog writer fatsally is five feet three high) and weighs a whopping 120 pounds about the same as Kate Moss holding twenty pounds of coke.
She knows how much her bottom weighs because four men lifted her up and flopped it down on a set of industrial scales while holding up the rest of her. At its widest point, its 14ft 9ins around, and shes on a mission to make it even bigger.
I am literally sitting on a fortune, says Dionne, 35. My butt must be the widest in the world and it already earns me over $180,000 in the past year. I used to hate it, but now its my fave feature.
In best tabloid style we say Dionne is sitting on a goldmine.
However, Amanda Thornton of Atlanta, Georgia, has something to say about Dionnes claim for biggest butt:”You don’t call that a butt do you, I’ve seen cocktail sticks with bigger arses. I have a much bigger bottom but I didn’t even get nominated. It’s goddam racism that’s what it is, well they can kiss my black ass.
Amanda shows off her biggest asset.
Relive the moment:
Big Bottom by Spinal Tap
Your Bottom (comic verse)