It’s Too Late! The Thought Police Are At The Door. Bad Taste Is Now A Crime

Thought crime is here to stay, and not just thought crime, but thoughtlessness crime, bad taste crime and wrong place at the wrong time crime. The Thought Police are on the march and soon they will control your minds. Their chief weapons are fear and surp … no, we will not do that. Thought Criminal Aidan Burley, a Conservative MP but since when was that, of itself, a crime, was sacked last week from his job as a parliamentary private secretary over “offensive and foolish” behaviour.

Mr. Burley did something the Thought Police decided some people might have been offended by had they known he’d done it which they didn’t until some creepy little snitch grassed him up and they Thought Police made sure a lot of people knew. Aidan attended a stag party where another person was dressed in a replica SS uniform. He did not wear an SS Uniform himself, he was not rubbing his crotch lasciviously against the thigh of the aforesaid wannabe SS officer, he was not leading by a chain a handcuffed girl dressed in second skin PVC and wearing a dog collar round her neck (if only).

The MP for Cannock Chase was papped and the picture published in the Mail on Sunday last week with a man dressed as a Nazi SS officer at a stag party in France.

(Can you imagine the scene in the Mail editorial office? “Ho ho, go that bastard Burley, little shit was cavorting with someone dressed as an SS Officer, he can wave goodbye to his career. Up yours, Milib … Hang on, Burley, he’s one of ours. Hold the front page! Too late, the papers are already on the streets.”

What does that mean to us? you might well ask. Well any of us who attend an event where someone else is dressed in “offensive” fancy dress is itself now “offensive and foolish”. Presumably we could be sacked from our jobs because clients / customers / colleagues mmight be offended by the fact that we were in a place where someone over whom be had no control behaved in a silly, frivolous and tasteless way, making fart noises perhaps or pretending to pick their nose and eat it while posing for a photograph.

How things have changed. In my day the only thing one could get sacked from a management job for was “Gross moral turpitude,” a catch all offence which covred everything from downloading goat porn to your computer to knobbing the junior staff. And ironically in some organisations while knobbing the junior staff was a sackable offence, not knobbing them would stall a career as it identified you as “not a team player.”

Now offending someone, or not offending anyone but doing something that might offend someone somewhere can get you sacked. no matter how trivial and inoffensive it might be. And how great a temptation too for those who would advance their interests by stabbing a rival in the back. Can you imagine the queue outside Human Resources just ahead of staff appaisals day.

“I was so hurt, he was wearing a red sweater and I’m a Chelsea fan.”

“He’s a Christian and he has grown a beard. That’s taking the piss out of Muslims.”

She has a picture of Justin Bieber on her desk,” (soory, should not have put that in, it really is offensive.)

“He was looking a Tracey’s tits a bit dirty, like.”

“She smacks her lips when she’s sucking mint imperials, it’s disgusting.”

Truly O my brothers and sisters the fifth horseman is at large; the great whore is riding the seven headed beast over everything that is sane and reasonable and the sound of the last trump is resonating around the world as civilisation is flushed down the politically correct toilet.

Nor do you even have to actually do anything offensive* yourself – you just need to be next to someone who behaving in a way that is lewd, ride or slightly “off colour”. There is no defence, if someone says they were offended or had their feelings hurt who an argue with that? Guilty of being guilty. And abject apologies don’t cut the mustard – only ritual self disembowellment will suffice by way of atonement.

We must stand up bothers and sisters and we must tell the dark forces of the new puritanism, the people who dream of a perfect world in which nobody is ever offended by anything to FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK RIGHT OFF. And then to show we mean it we should indulge in irresponsible, excessive behaviour and show poor tase and insensitivity in everything as often as possible.

*offensive can be whatever the self – righteous take a dislike to. So pretty much anything, really – including dressing up in silly costumes, wearing your wife’s skany knickers and even being a Conservative MP.

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