Bear It And Grin

There’s stupidity, there’s carelessness and there is ineptitude of such monumental proportions that is borders on genius. Now I would be the last person to assume someone who has to take a job dressing up as a Disney character was not very bright. The person could have a hundred very good reasons for accepting such employment.

On the other hand, the kind of person who signs up for the job and then fails spectacularly to live up to the job description probably deserves no sympathy. Even so we have to feel a little compassion for this dork.

bear willie

It wouldn’t be inappropriate to ask “What was he thinking because he obviously wasn’t.

Globetrotting Yeti

A British scientist believes he may have solved the mystery of the Yeti, the ape like hominid that allegedly roams the Himalayas and does wonders for tourism in Tibet.

Professor Bryan Sykes, a geneticist from the University of Oxford has found a match to DNA samples of the elusive creature.

Two modern day samples thought to belong to Yeti – one from the mummified remains of an animal shot by a hunter approximately 40 years ago, and another from a hair discovered in the bamboo forest 10 years ago – are a perfect match to the DNA of an ancient polar bear that roamed the earth 40,000 years ago.

When compared against the DNA from a jawbone of an ancient polar bear found in Svalbard, Norway, Sykes found a 100 percent match.

We doubt Prof. Sykes deductions, for one thing travel from Svarlbard to Tibet would have been almost impossible 40,000 years ago. Next, Yeti is an ape not a bear as all comic strip artists working on Rover, Hotspur and The Eagle comic in my youth were well aware.

Lastly of course, there are plenty of Yetis at large in western society. They have simply learned how to use hair removal products.

hairless yeti

Happy Heart

Sad to hear dear old Andy Williams shuffled off this mortal coil today and joined so many of his contemporaries in that great recording studio in the sky.

His music was never my choice, I preferred the edgy, agony filled ballads of Roy Orbison to the sugary songs of Mr. Williams but I always liked the cookie scrounging bear on his television show in the 1960s. In fact it was worth putting up with the Osmonds to see what the bear would be doing.

In our house Andy became a favourite again with the release of the film Shallow Grave, a family treasure that we have watched over and over again, and enhanced with our own script of comments and asides.

Andy’s song Happy Heart featured in the film, it was played while Ewan McGregor, Chris ecclestone and the bird with nice tits were trying to dispose of Keith allen’s body. And so, from Wire In The Blood to Midsomer Murders, whenever a shallow grave features in the action (about every three minutes in Midsomer Murders) someone will start singing:

Iiiiiits my Happy Heart you hear
singing loud and singing clear
and it’s all because you’re near
me my love

RIP Andy.

Jeremy Bear Did Not Steal The Toyota

A bear got into a teenager’s car, honked the horn and then sent it rolling 125 feet into a thicket, a Colorado family has said.

Ben Story, 17, said he and his family were asleep in their home south of Denver when the bear managed to open the unlocked door of his 2008 Toyota Corolla and climbed inside.

A peanut butter sandwich left on the back seat is probably what attracted the bear, Ben said.

It is not unusual for bears to open unlocked doors to cars and houses in search of food, Tyler Baskfield, a spokesman for the Colorado Division of Wildlife said:

We suspect the culprit was a bear because the car is a Toyota Corolla and the peanut butter sandwich was leftover from a picnic. If the car had been a Pagani Zonda, an Aston Martin V8 Vantage or a Bugatti Veyron we would have been beginning extradition proceedings for that Clarkson guy.

The truth, the bear truth and nothing but the truth

From A Cheever Loophole, Boggart Network News legal affairs correspondent:

A Macedonian court convicted a bear for stealing honey from a beekeeper, who tried to protect his property with Serbian “turbo-folk” music. “I tried to distract him with lights and music because I heard bears were afraid of that,” said Zoran Kiseloski. As the bear is a protected species, the state was ordered to pay £1,800 damages. The bear did not appear in court.

The Boggart Blog team took a quick vote and decided against publishing an item advising bee-keepers to protect their honey if future by playing Girls Aloud records. We felt this could result in their being prosecuted under a law against animal abuse.

TODAY WE COMMENTED ON:

feasting on famine
Mission Impossible – pop star priests