Eurovision Bearded Lady, A Victory For Leftist Hypocrisy

What a gay day, as the wonderful Larry Grayson used to quip. The bearded transvestite who won Eurovision has inspired much ribald humour, mostly outside the M25 it has to be said, while the hairy testicled ladies and limp wristed eunuchs inside the tarmac border of the the land of metrosexuality seem to think the ever more risible Eurovision Song Contest, by choosing a wierdo winner has struck a blow for … erm, something.

And of course the very best way to wind up lefties is to take the piss out of one of their politically correct darlings. So we had a field day with Conchita Wurst and his superfluous sausage.

Actually what it struck a blow for was hypocrisy. While media luvvies blubbered about how wonderful it was that “the people of Europe could unite behind such a brave contestant who dared to be different, some nations who thought their entries had had a rough deal were less than happy. And rightly so, if the bookies hadn’t stopped taking bets on who would win as soon as the bearded transvestite was announced, I would have placed a substantial wager on the bloke in a frock for the simple reason that in the Left’ Liberal Progressive Brave New Weird we live in, the behaviour of those creative and imaginative media types is utterly predictable so bearded lady with a dick could not possibly lose. Unfortunately William Hill, Ladbrokes, Corals, Paddy Power, Victor Chandler and Fred Done all knew this too.

Great isn’t it, how the luvvies who claim intellectual and moral superiority over those who are not reality challenged with always behave as a herd.

Conchita said as she accepted the trophy . ‘We are unity and we are unstoppable’. (Unity? George Orwell called it something else.) Unstoppable was right though, he – yes let’s use the dreaded ” H ” Word, Conchita has a dick – could only have lost against two bearded, Black African, Muslim ladies or a black, Irish, dwarf, crack addicted one legged lesbian, bipolar single parent.

Just help me out here, wasn’t a similar speech once given by another Austrian freak who sported considerably less facial hair.

Just as a matter of interest and because I know there are some people labouring under the misapprehension that the winner is decided by popular vote, WRONG! Its 50/50 public vote and panels of media luvvies experts. The Poles, who won the popular vote by a distance while the panel vote was unanimous, as if they had all been given instructions if you know what I mean possums. Some blabbermouth in Poland leaked that fact today.

I reckon we should all boycott the BBC and put the fuckers out of work, they’ve been taking the piss too long. But then I’ve been lobbying for us to pull out of the Eurovision fiasco for thirty years or more. Calling it a song contest is fraud.

Whether Tom Chivers Is A Science Writer, A Hack Journalist Or A Cunt Is A Matter Of Semantics

More Hollywood fantasy From SEAL Team Six

A couple of years ago we were treated to blanket news coverage of US Navy SEALs Team Six hitting an anonymous Pakistani pensioner the world’s most wanted terrorist Osama Bin Laden.

We later learned that SEAL Team Six had been almost wiped out in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan and the surviving members of the bin Laden hit squad had died untimely deaths due to unlikely events (spontaneous combustion and a bizarre gardening accident do not seem very feasible but we’re a satirical blog not an investigative journalism team).

The Bin Laden story has however been discredited by the doyen of US Investigative Journalists, Seymour Hersh so it must come as no surprise that SEAL Team Six is at it again. Their latest A Team adventure involved grabbing Al Qaeda bomber Abu Anas al-Libi from his refuge in Libya.

There is some things about this tale of derring do that strikes a false note as well. First, his name al – Libi spells alibi; second, look at the picture of the alleged terrorist mastermind below:

Terrorist mastermind
Picture source: AFP Via Daily Telegraph

Surely I can’t be the only one to notice this is a picture of Rupert Everett with a fake beard drawn on in magic marker.

Hair attacks land religious leader in jail.

Only in America …

An Amish leader in Ohio has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for a series of beard- and hair-cutting attacks on other Amish men. The 67 year old elder is leader of a breakaway Amish sect.

In Amish communities, beards on men and long hair on women signifies religious devotion as well as identity among their own people. Because of the religious relevance, prosecutors argued that the beard and hair cuttings were hate crimes.

Ironically the man’s name is Samuel Mullet, which we are assured by sources in the Amish community is not a reference to the ‘front of face Mullet’ (short on top lip, long below chin) style of beard favoured by Amish men.

The Amish Beard Mullet look

If Your Beard Infringes Copyright, Shave Now!

Experience has shown Russian mathematician and blogger Mikhail Verbitsky that there’s a price to be paid for being flippant about about peiople’s beards. This is bad news for Boggart Blogas in the past we have blogged about beards of terror, beards of mass destruction and improvided explosice beards.

“So what’s the deal with beards and copyright?” you might well ask. It is a typoical tale of Russian secret police, subversion, sensitivity and whiskers.

Verbitsky was on his way to a mathematics conference in Warsaw last week when he was seized by border guards at Sheremetyevo Airport and hustled into a detention cell. The grim faced guards took his passport and shuttled him from room to room without explanation, until at last one suggested that Verbitsky check the bailiff’s website to see whether he was in debt.

Sure enough, there he was — a debtor, convicted in absentia for copyright infringement. As a consequence, he is barred from leaving Russia until he pays 300,000 rubles ($10,000) on charges he’d never heard of.

The charge, Verbitsky later learned, is fr the result of a July 2006 blog post in which he ridiculed an ultranationalist named Igor Pugach using an image and text from Pugach’s website.

In the passage, Pugach, who refers to himself alternately as the “commander of the Order of Moscow,” “his majesty” and the “prince of Tenkinsky,” accused Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho of violating copyrights by wearing a goatee, a style of beard that Pugach claims is his intellectual property and a part of Russia’s cultural heritage.

“The website is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on the Internet,” Verbitsky said. “Pugach is suing everybody because of a beard. He believes he owns the idea of beards, essentially.”

Pugach has accused Russian rock star Andrei Makarevich, former U.S. Ambassador to Russia John Beyrle and scores of others of copyright infringement. Verbitsky, who wears a full beard and not a goatee, said he was probably convicted for using the trademarked image of Pugach’s bearded visage without permission, not merely for sporting a beard himself.

A Pugach associate said the wearing of a goateeny beard that could be shaved into a goatee, of even possession of equipment that could be used in the growing of a goatee (i.e. a chin and male hormones) constituted a violation of Pugach’s copyright.

“The beard is an element of a trademark,” said the man, who refused to identify himself but said he was not Pugach (well he would, wouldn’t he?). “Nobody has the right to use it without permission.”

He also denied Verbitsky’s claim that Pugach, whose name means popgun, had sued scores of celebrities and lost every time.

“Pugach hasn’t sued any actors or musicians,” he said.
We wonder what the legal definition of a goatee is. I mean, OK Guy Fawkes had one but do those facial hair fashions that involve a small trisngle of hair under the lower lip and make the wearer look like he has a little minge under his mouth count as copyright infringement. And what about teenage boys with a bit of bumfluff on their chin like Shaggy in Scooby Doo?

I’m clean shaven so I don’t care but beardies need legal clarification of this now.

The charge against Verbitsky has caused much ROTFLMAO in the blogosphere, where bloggers were quick to point out Pugach’s extreme nationalist politics make a mockery of his global crusade to control the goatee with the help of his company, Boroda, or in English, Beard.

Verbitsky however isn’t taking it lightly.

“It looks like a joke, but it’s absolutely not a joke,” he wrote on his blog after he was detained. “I need a lawyer, a professional lawyer.”

Your Boggart Blog correspondent thinks Pugarch needs professional help too but not necessarily from a lawyer. Is pognophilia a recognised mental illness.

Read more:
The Moscow Times

Beards Of Terror
You Just Can’t Be Too Paranoid

Pognophobia Pandemic Grips The Free World

The western nations are suffering an outbreak of pognophobia (fear of beards) not seen since the days immediately following the notorious 9/11 attacks on New York’s World Trade Centre.

In Britain we have seen the government, reduced to blind panic by the sight of a fuck-off beard of the kind that would be proudly worn by an Old Testasment prophet, bungle an attempt to legally deport the owner of said beard-of-mass-destruction, a Muslim cleric named Abu Qatada.

Meanwhile acros the pond normally law abiding Americans have taken to attacking members of the inoffensive-but-badly-groomed Amish sect and cutting off their beards.

Sixteen men and women have pleaded not guilty to mass beard murder attacks against fellow Amish in Ohio.

A feud over church discipline allegedly led to attacks in which the beards and hair of men and hair of women were cut, considered deeply offensive in Amish culture. The Amish believe the Bible instructs women to let their hair grow long and men to grow beards and stop shaving once they marry.

Amish mother Mary Hinge told a Boggart Blog rreporter, “They saved my legs. At this time of year in Ohio that is just cruel. The wind that blows through here has come all the way from Greenland without encountering a decent sized hill or even a clump of tall trees.

The latest indictment added new allegations that the suspects tried to hide or destroy evidence by making it into false beards for Muslim trainee holy men whose own beards have not fully developed. Evidence confiscated by Ohio Police Officers including a disposable camera, shears and a bag of hair from the victims.

Linda Schrock, daughter of alleged ringleader Samuel Mullet (No kidding :)) ), said the related extended families are supporting each other during the busy planting season while the seven defendants still held on bond.

The updated indictment also charges Mullet with lying to federal agents during their investigation by denying knowledge of an October assault and also with having an offensive hairstyle.

Amish men who escaped the beard assassains by disguising themselves as Greek Orthodox nuns


Abu Qatada disguised as a Greek Orthodox nun, as he escapes from immigration officers

You can’t be too paranoid

BREAKING NEWS: Beards Of Deception

We have often blogged on the role of beards in the campaign of terror being waged against Daily Mail Readers in the UK and Tinfoil Hat Wearers in thge United States. We have blogged stories of how MI5 and Special Branch have tracked dow, pursued and captured people involved in trying to smuggle MWB (Men With Beards) into the country and how it has on accasion been necessary to detain people suspected of possessing equipment that could be used in the manufacture of beards (i.e. a face and testosterone producing glands.

The threat of beards has not receded however. Terrorist organisations in the Middle East have now found ways of manufacturing women with beards. This is a worrying trend for security forces as said beards can legitimtely be concealed under a veil.

READ THE FULL STORY of how a respectable Arabian government official was almost tricked into marrying a woman who was hiding a beard under her niquab. Arab Ambassador Discovered Bride Is Bearded

This is the proof, if any were needed that we must never relax our vigilance because the threat of facial hair is ever present.