Memories of Brown The Clown

A wonderful moment during campaigning for the Newark by election yesterday, when Labour deputy leader Harriet Harperson and Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls (the very fat man who waters the workers’ beer) had an uncofortable encounter with a working class woman who just wanted to get on with her shopping.
Sorry, the embed script for the video is in javascript which this blog doesn’t like. Here’s a link if you want to se the moment.


In a scene painfully reminiscent of Gordon Broon’s accidental encounter with a working class person in Rochdale back in 2010, the woman spoke to Hattie but wanted nothing to do with Mr. Bollocks. After she has snubbed his attempt to shake her hand, Ed clearly wants to say “Racist bigot” and his expression tells us he found the experience of meeting a working class person as distasteful as Labour leader Ed Miliband found his bacon sandwich experience.

With the Lib Dems already dead in the water, the way Labour and the Tories are going UKIP will not even need to campaign for next years general election.

The Very Fat Man That Waters The Worker’s Beer

Arguing with those left wing bigots who insist that UKIP are a racist organisation because a few UKIP members still have enough personal integrity to say what they think and lack the artifice to obfuscate, I have found myself batting away the arguments of people who, because they vote for the traitors of mainstream politics who would destroy our culture and traditions and sell our children’s birthright to the globalists, seem to think they have joined the elite.

Like the old elite of the pre – World War Two era these people think for entirely spurious reasons they are a better sort of human than those who believe in preserving culture and traditions and protecting our borders. Their elitist attitude and lack of regard for their own country and their belief that political debates can be won by chanting mantras (pale skin bad, dark skin good, tax the rich, tax the rich, Europe Europe uber alles), and their totally eronious assumptions divine right to tel others how to live and what to think brought to mind a song that used to be sung around the folk clubs of Manchester and the North West in the 1960s.

Funny thing, the patronising, condescending bastard of the narrative was then certainly a Conservative, now with Labour being the party of control freakery and the nanny state, of clamping down on excessive drinking and junk food and of regulating everything, the Very Fat Man would certainly be a supporter of global socialism and the kind of twat who thinks he / she is part of the intellectual elite and thus qualified to tell you what you can and cannot think.

“The Very Fat Man Who Waters the Worker’s Beer” by Paddy Ryan

Chorus:

I am the man, the very fat man,
That waters the workers’ beer
I am the man, the very fat man,
That waters the workers’ beer
And what do I care if it makes them ill,
If it makes them terribly queer
I’ve a car, a yacht, and an aeroplane,
And I waters the workers’ beer

Verses:

Now when I waters the workers’ beer,
I puts in strychnine
Some methylated spirits,
And a can of kerosine
Ah, but such a brew so terribly strong,
It would make them terribly queer
So I reaches my hand for the watering-can
And I waters the workers’ beer

Now a drop of good beer is good for a man
When he’s tired, thirsty and ‘ot
And I sometimes have a drop myself,
From a very special pot
For a strong and healthy working class
Is the thing that I most fear
So I reaches my hand for the watering-can
And I waters the workers’ beer

Now ladies fair, beyond compare,
Be you maiden or wife
Spare a thought for such a man
Who leads such a lonely life
For the water rates are terribly high,
And the meths is terribly dear
And there isn’t the profit there used to be
In watering the workers’ beer

I don’t know who these two are but they do a good rendition of the song. Here’s a link to their video on You Tube And remember when you go to vote on Thursday, Tories = more of the same old crap, Labour = regulation, control freakery and the Lib Dems sell their arses very cheaply. UKIP right now are a change to put the mainstream politicians on notice before we sack them next year. Or do you want the Eds, Miliband and Balls to water your beer, while Cameron invites the biotech companies to poison your food while the elite eat and drink organic (at you expense) and fly round the world in private jets as they legure real people on pollution and antropofuckin’genic global warming.

Paterson To Frack Off? Another triumph For Boggart Blog?

A couple of weeks ago we reported the story of the Coalition government’s environment secretary Owen Paterson and his troubles with voters in his constituency which lies in Shropshire’s green and pleasant land. Mr. Paterson you see is a big fan of fracking. And his constituents in the sleepy hamlets where the pace of life is still gentle and every man is his own uncle, are no so keen on the extraction of gas from bedrock under the fields and meadows that have been the bedrock of the local economy since the time of King Offa and his dike.

I’m not casting aspersions at the lovely wife of King Offa of course, his dike was a great earthwork that served the purpose of keeping out the Welsh. Locals however, huddling in the tap rooms of their villsge inns are muttering while holding their Shropshire Lass close … or holding their Shropshire Lad close if they prefer a darker beer (what did you think I was talking about) that it’s time King Offa returned to drive out the frackers who are ruining the countryside.

There seems to e some suspicion that the local MP, the aforementioned Paterson has financial links to the evil frackers who want to interfere with the bedrock. And that is making him very unpopular since boggart Blog highlighted it.

Now we learn from The Tap:

Rumour – Is Paterson about to resign as MP?No sooner has The Tap Blog started campaigning for an end of Owen Paterson as the MP for Shropshire North, and rumours are circulating of his imminent resignation.

Some of you might have noticed the bookies have him posted as 5 to 1 to be appointed the next European Commissioner. Then a little bird told me yesterday he’s spending his days sitting in his office hiding away from his constituents knowing how angry they all are with his useful idiot support for fracking their lands and homes.

At the same time, Chinese-CNOOC-owned Dart Energy representatives probe the local area looking for anyone dumb enough to sign a contract with them to allow their land to be fracked. Dart Energy leaflets can be found on local traders’ counters hoping there are yet more mugs willing to have their farms destroyed, their homes made valueless and their relatives and animals made ill.

It’s only a hunch, but given the enormous stench arising in Owen Paterson’s constituency as his constituents finally realise that, after twenty years building their trust, he’s sold them all down the river, I would say he’s desperate for a life boat to come and sail him away. Continue reading

As yet this is only a rumour, but as soon as Guido Fawkes has the full story I’ll let you know. but fingers crossed, the scadal could break before the elections which will really be fun. And good for UKIP and the Pirate Party of course.

BTW I’m not against fracking in principle, there is a lot of scaremongering going on from the same people who are scaremongering about climate change, nuclear power, pandemics of imaginary illnesses, UKIP and all the rest. What I’m a gainst in principle is re sponsible ministerswhose family members are directors of fracking firms not declaring a conflict of interest and fracking off to another government department.

Labour, the (very rich, elitist) People’s party plans to ban your beer and pies

If Ed Miliband becomes Prime Minister in 2015 he plans to make him self even more unpopular than Tony Blair and Gordon Brown could ever achieve by implementing restrictions, tax hikes and outright bans on the sale and advertising of alcohol, junk food and tobacco, which are among the favourite things of Labour’s core voters.

hollands meat pie
Source: Wikimedia commons

Labour also plan to end the £300million sports sponsorship by drinks firms and impose minimum alcohol pricing to try cut down on the damaging effects of heavy drinking on people’s health so in another Public Relations faux pas, Red Ed is attacking the voters favourite pastimes as well. Talk about death wish politics.

Documents leaked to the Mail on Sunday, reveal proposals for new laws to limit the amount of sugar, fat and salt in food aimed at children, and a ban on advertising unhealthy products on TV before the 9pm watershed.

Drawn up by Andy Burnham (the Amazonian cockfish of British Politics) and shadow health secretary, the plans are alleged to have sparked a backlash within the party led by Chukka Ummna, tipped by some to succeed Miliband (sooner rather than later if Ed goes with this Nanny State bullshit). Supporters of Mr Umunna are worried the plans will appear ‘anti business and interventionist’, the Mail on Sunday reported. Obviously Ummna and his Blairite buddies are as out of touch as Miliband. They are more worried about the corporate profits of Coca Cola Corp, Kraft, Nestle and Macdonalds than the welfare of the people whose votes they take for granted.

Burnham’s nanny state plans may not help business but they are a direct attack on the working class lifestyle. And if there is one thing working class Labour voters will not tolerate it is being told how to live their lives by a bunch of effete, Oxbridge educated elitists.

So Labours big election winning strategy is to launch a direct attack on the lifestyles of their core voters. Smart move, let me give you an example of how this may work out: Wigan is known as the Land Of Pie Eaters; Wigan and the surrounding Lanshire constituencies vote solid Labour and love their pies, brands like Pooles, Rathbones, Oddies and Greenhalgh’s are famous and folk songs heve been writen about Hollands Meat Pies (video). Pies are classed as unhealthy food by cous cous loving metrosexual elitists like Andy Burnham (who is from Leigh, which makes his betrayal of Labour’s roots a hundred times worse.

Can anyone tell me how it is a winning strategy to attack the favourite food of voters in constituencies like Wigan, Makerfield, Leigh, St. Helens North and South, Bolton North East, South East and West, Chorley, Warrinton and Warrington North? In all there are 46 Labour seats in Lancashire, its unlikely all would be lost over a pie ban, but start attacking also the beer and ciggies that the working classes who vote Labour love equally and it will only take one picture of Nigel Farage, pint in one hand, pie in the other and a cigar in his mouth and enough of those seats could fall to UKIP to deny Labour an overall majority.

Repeat the story across Yorkshire, the North East and the East and West Midlands and Labour’s crackdown on drinking, smoking and unhealthy food could be a bigger disaster for the party than a “Yes” vote in the Scottish referendum. Again it shows that as Boggart Blog has always said the political elite are so out of touch with ordinary people they might as well be from a different planet. And most of them are, according to David Icke.

farage pint
UKIP will not prohibit your pleasures

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Brewery Employeees Tell Bosses What They Think Of Redundancy Plans

Blackburn Brewery Daniel Thwaites facing recently announced that sixty jobs will be lost and workers face redundancy as the firm looks to relocate. Brewery workers did not take the news well and made their feelings known via the giant neon sign on top of the brewhouse tower, which can be seen from all over the town. See the picture of the THWAITES Brewery sign below.

We think the staff might be planning some more surprises for brewery bosses. Watch this space.

Thwaites Brewery sign

Blessed Are The Cheesemakers

Wensleydale cheese, the regular staple diet of plasticine person Wallace, the humanoid half of Wallace and Gromit, has been granted official PGI status protection by the EU which means it can only be made in the wensleydale area of North Yourkshire. This put it on a par with Melton Mowbray Pork Pie, Parma Ham, Champagne, Marchfeldspargel (a type of Asparagus from Austria), Beurre dArdennes (Belgium), Gyulai kolbász (Hungarian sausage), Budweiser beer (proper Budweiser not the American crap) and other products including breads, cakes, regional honeys and local specialities. The PGI staus is now worldwide and not confined to Europe.

Lancashire cheese needs no such protection of course, we just need to remind people which side won the war of the roses.

By far the most common category of foods on the PGI list are local cheese varieties. Blessed are the Cheesemakers.

Minimum Alcohol Pricing? One Rule For Us, another For …

You’ve heard all the finger wagging, Nanny state loving MPs and ministers screaming about the evils of binge drinking and how we need minimum per unit prices for alcohol to prevent ‘the poor’ seeking solace in alcoholic oblivion. MPs, ‘health experts’ and sociologists have for several years been pushing a campaign to stop supermarkets selling cut price booze.

As usual the hypocritical shits are not willing to lead by example. With the mouth on one face they may be claiming the moral high ground by prating about the demon drink. With the mouth on the other they are calling for the already cut price booze sold in the bars at the Palace Of Westminster to be made even cheaper.

Despite prices for alcohol being kept cheaper than a nearby Wetherspoons pub at the four Palace of Westminster bars, MPs have suggested Parliamentary prices should not be linked to pubs in central London. Instead they claim the price of a pint should be linked to that in the Jarrow and Hebburn Welders and Riveters club.

At the moment prices are kept lower, than a nearby Wetherspoons in Victoria Street, with pints of John Smith’s bitter costing £2.60 and Becks lager £3.20 – cheaper than many London pubs but still dearer than most northern working men’s clubs.

Senior Back Bencher Rupert Fatte – Bastard (Con. Poshington) said, “People are always complaining that MPs are our of touch with the ordinary voter, well how can we be in touch with ordinary voters when we have to pay the same for a pint as City Bankers, Mwah ha ha!”

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Stub Out That Demon Ciggy And Enjoy A Politically Correct Spliff

No matter what your feelings about the evils of smoking may be, if you love liberty and democracy it is still worth keeping an eye on how, where and when the government regulates smoking to protect the terminally fearful from hazards like second hand and even third hand smoke. Smoking has already been banned in public buildings, offices and shopping malls by control freak local government officers. When it comes to the great outdoors, however, their reach seems to exceed their grasp.

Mayor Bloomberg of New York has led the way in implementing anti – smoking laws that are impossible to police and has even talked of stopping people from smoking in their own homes. Bloomberg seems quite unperturbed by the fact that to enforce such a law would require power similar to those exercised by the Thought Police in George Orwell’s novel “1984”.

But the city of San Francisco in California, the US State where stupidity havs become contagious appears poised to follow Bloomberg’s fascistic example..

Supervisor Eric Mar said he introduced a proposal to ban ssmoking in streets, parks and on beaches because of the health impacts of secondhand smoke when people light up in public.

“It’s widely known that secondhand smoke is responsible for as many as 73,000 deaths among non-smokers each year in the United States, and there is no safe level of exposure,” he said.

Like Alameda and several other Californian cities, San Francisco already restricts smoking in outdoor seating areas of cafes and restaurants, as well as near building entrances and vents. San Jose has similar smoking restrictions.

But even if they do it, they won’t ban all smoking. The exceptions as you might expect are related to political correctness.

“It’s carefully crafted also to exclude smaller, neighborhood organized events such as block parties. And also, importantly, it does not prohibit the use of medical cannabis,” Mar said. Medicinal? As in, “I only use it to relieve stress”? Well haven’t we all?

Obviously you’d make the important exemption for people smoking pot. These interfering lefties might be very keen to stop Joe the Schlepper from enjoying his drug of choice because the government knows best how he should live his life , so they will tell him not to light up a Lucky Strike or open a beer, but they would not try to curtail the freedoms of enlightened people who have politicallly correct values. So they are not going to try to stop right on people from enjoying a spliff as that would be undemocratic. The San Francisco city authorities are not Nazis FFS.

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Giant Toilet Roll Blues

I was away at the weekend, camping down in Sussex whilst we attended The Festival Of Speed at Goodwood. If you’re a petrol head this is an excellent event to go to, Supercars, Touring cars, Rally cars, Vintage cars, Le Mans Cars, F1 cars, you name it. Unlike at Grands Prix you can get up close and personal around the machinery on display, and also the personnel. Sez Jez came away with Alain Prost and Rene Arnoux’s autographs, and also a kiss from M. Arnoux, lucky bugger. We were six inches from the old siver fox himself, Damon Hill, swoon. Seb Vettel was everywhere where Sez Jez wasn’t, everybody else saw him. Our old mate Bruce is now best muckers with Jensen Button, Murray Walker is still a motormouth and Sir Jackie Stewart is still the perfect ambassador for the sport.

The weather wasn’t too bad, warm and sunny at times, just one or two heavy showers and a howling gale. The tent stayed up alright, in fact far better than some on the campsite, so we were able to sit around in the canopy, snug, warm and dry, drinking vast quantities of ice cold bottled beer, ice from Lidl, 89p per bag! who’d have thought it. We did decide if we actually wanted to put ice in our drinks, Pimms anyone?, we would have to lash out an extra 11p and get the ice from Sainsbury’s, there being no Waitrose nearby.

But then the downside. Copious beer equals copious widdles. So off we kept trooping to the loos.
And spending so much time in there I came to contemplate the utter uselessness of the giant toilet roll.

Giant toilet rolls first made a debut way back in the 80s. They were heralded as god’s gift to public toilets. Last longer, need changing less often, less likely to run out, cheaper in the long run, more hygenic as they came in an enclosed dispenser, and able to find a cure for the common cold to boot if my memory serves me, or so it seemed at the time.

Its thirty years now and the bastard things are still there.

But if something ever turned out not to be a great idea, then this has to be it.

Because the roll is so big and heavy it doesn’t actually unroll very well, so you have to stick your hand up inside the casing and manually rotate the roll until the end eventually flops down. Very hygenic. Then you start pulling and one of two things happen:-

a) you pull hard and unravel at least four feet of the stuff, economical see?

or

b) you pull hard and the paper snaps off leaving you with 3 inches and the need to stick your hand inside the cover once again.

Then there are the times when the roll has run out. Because these rolls are so valuable the dispensers have locks on, so spare rolls can’t be left out cos nobody except staff can fit them anyway. They also can’t be left out cos they’re quite heavy and if some poor unsuspecting punter tried to lift one they’d probably give themselves a hernia. Elf and Safety hazzard innit?

And of course, you can’t actually see if there is any paper left on the roll when you enter the cubicle, so you can sit down, commune with nature, stick your hand up the dispenser, twiddle away for a bit and then discover its grope through your pockets to see if you have a tissue, resort to the bare hand wipe or ,hoping there is nobody else about, gather up ones trousers and shuffle to the next empty cubicle time.

There’s only one conclusion I can come up with about these abominations and that is, as us gilies use a lot more of the stuff than the boys, IT MUST HAVE BEEN INVENTED BY A MAN.

Australian Medical Research Says Ignore Food Fascists, Eat Loads Of Chocolate.

Contrary to the assertions of our critics we at Boggart Blog are not anti – science. We are only against the kind of science sponsored by big business and the Thought Police. Thus we question the kind of crap that suggests “scientists” have learned something about human psycology by force feeding lard to mice or have discovered the meaning of life by doing some equations.

It is surprising how often mice figure in the kind of science we slam. Food figures quite a lot too, especially when we report on the kind of science that says a grain of salt is enough to kill ten adults, that alcohol is so dangerous even simply walking past a pub can result in addiction, the tiniest sip of a fizzy drink will cause us to bloat up into 99 stone blobs and that anything we enjoy is bad for us.

We like the kind of science that tells us moderate alcohol consumption prolongs life, that steaks, burgers, bacon sandwiches and pies are good for us, that salt is an esential nutrient without which we would die and that any research that involves lots of statistics is a load of bollocks.

The Dean of St. Onan’s College, Oxford has challenged us in this, saying, “You can’t have science without statistics; if the statistics are left out all you end up with is the truth.”

Quite. Do you recall how science fascists and food fascists have been telling us for years chocolate is bad for us. This is in spite of numerous independent reports showing that chocolate is in fact good for us. They lied.

Researchers at Monash University have now shown conclusively that chocolate is good for us. It’s the polyphenols that are beneficial so obviously the higher the chocolate content of your confection of choice, the more polyphenols you are getting per ounce.

Some researchers in the past have acknowledged that chocolate is good for reducing blood pressure and cutting the risk of heart attacks but have ben very puritanical about it and insisted that only one million pert cent pure dark chocolate counts.

Wrong. Dark Chocolate is better but if you find it a bit too strong ordinary Dairy Milk, while not as good, will do (make sure it is proper chocolate though and not that chocolate flavoured sugar crap from America.

OK, so having helped you reclaim beer, wine, salt, red meat and slobbing out (very good for destressing) we are now liberating your chocolate.

Duffy’s Red Star Chocolate is hand made (? – we thought it grew on trees) in Lincolnshire.

Meanwhile in New Zealand another team of researchers have founf The Miracle Molecule In Beer that fights fat and keeps you fit.

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