More Hollywood fantasy From SEAL Team Six

A couple of years ago we were treated to blanket news coverage of US Navy SEALs Team Six hitting an anonymous Pakistani pensioner the world’s most wanted terrorist Osama Bin Laden.

We later learned that SEAL Team Six had been almost wiped out in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan and the surviving members of the bin Laden hit squad had died untimely deaths due to unlikely events (spontaneous combustion and a bizarre gardening accident do not seem very feasible but we’re a satirical blog not an investigative journalism team).

The Bin Laden story has however been discredited by the doyen of US Investigative Journalists, Seymour Hersh so it must come as no surprise that SEAL Team Six is at it again. Their latest A Team adventure involved grabbing Al Qaeda bomber Abu Anas al-Libi from his refuge in Libya.

There is some things about this tale of derring do that strikes a false note as well. First, his name al – Libi spells alibi; second, look at the picture of the alleged terrorist mastermind below:

Terrorist mastermind
Picture source: AFP Via Daily Telegraph

Surely I can’t be the only one to notice this is a picture of Rupert Everett with a fake beard drawn on in magic marker.

Obama Talks The Talk But Dare Not Visit Afghanistan In Daylight

from the Boggart Blog newsdesk:
Todays mainstream news papers and broadcast bulletins are full of the Superhero Barack Obama’s daredevil visit to Afghanistan. The man who liberated Libya single handed and took out Osama Bin Laden (or a Pakistani penioner with a beard) in a daring solo raid behind enemy lines stormed into the Afghan capital, Kabul, made a speech that left hundreds of Taliban fighters dead and saw others fleeing for the mountains with their arses on fire then left again all in the space of fifteen minutes. He would have stayed longer but had to get back, put out a forest fire, shore up a mountainside that was about to collapse, catch a kid who had fallen over the rail and was about to plunge into the Niagra rapids and stop a huge dam from bursting and washing away several small communities in Coloado.

No, but seriously folks …

After landing at Bagram Airbase around 10pm local time, the Prez – Dude was delivered by a low-level, cover-of-darkness “helicopter insertion” (he got arse fucked by a helicopter? Now wonder the limp wristed one was smiling) to the Presidential Palace where a ten-page proposal which contains no specifics on funding or troop levels was signed around midnight.

So secret was the visit that the White House spent the day frantically trying to deny leaked news of Obama’s imminent arrival after the puppet government in Kabul blabbed to western media. This was yet another example of seamless co-operation between Afghan and Coalition governments that perfectly ilustrates the readiness of President Khazi’s government to provide stability and security after the allied withdrawal..

After the signing, there was just time for Mr Obama to duck into a hangar and make a rousing address to the bewildered troops who have a big enough problrem trying to anticipate which direction the next enemy attack will next come from without having to worry about which direction the next visit by Obama, Cameron or Sarkozy will come from. Then he made an address to the American nation reminding them how he was single handedly routing the Taliban on a daily basis. This was, of course, another perfect excuse for the President to remind everyone of his heroic decision to leave the golf course and sit in a corner of the Situation Room as the Navy SEALs hit the alleged terrorist compund a year ago.

Obama’s autocue, said by many to be the real voice of the Presidency, is a past master at makeing a vitue out of absurdity, and this occasion was no exception as The One mouthed meaningless cliches about “new light” breaking on the horizon for Afghanistan, even as he gestured to the “pre-dawn darkness” in which he was speaking. Even the Presidential autocue’s rhetorical skills couldn’t disguise the tail-between-the-legs ‘optics’ of the event. It was as big a public disaster as news of the Administration’s billion – dollar gift to the Taliban or Michelle Obama’s $30,000 spending spree in posh knicker shop Agent Provocateur.

Administration officials tried to suggest that the visit’s unusual timing was for the benefit of the US TV networks, a piece of spin so feeble it does not merit a response.

There is no doubting the wisdom of the President’s security advisors in keeping the visit secret and under cover of darkness, it is only two weeks ago that the Haqqani network mounted a co-ordinated 18-hour assault on the heart of Kabul. Unfortunaterly despite the gung ho speech the message of this trip was clear and will not be missed by the west’s enemies: after a decade of expending blood and money in Afghanistan, the US President does not dare visit the place broad daylight.

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Breaking News on the Bin Laden story.

Boggart Blog’s Conspiracy theories desk hasd this morning been inindated with theories about the death of Osame bin Laden: His body was disposed of at sea because he was killed by the Godfather in a dispute about who controls the Olive Oil trade, He is not dead but alive and well and living in Jordan’s bra and most frequently that he has been dead for years and recent sightings of him were as an extra in Chanel 5’s Zombie series the walking dead.

Boggart Blog can reveal however that we have received an e – mail from the headquarters of Al Quaeda, sent from the mail box of Osama bin Laden himsel:

To: boggartblog@blogbog.co.uk
From: ossy59@ teerorattacks-r-us.com
Date: 110502 Time: 1243.17

I’m not dead, I’m getting better.