Scientists Fooled By Jizz Finger – Now Believe In Virgin Birth

It doesn’t take much to baffle scientists of course. They really need to get out more.

From: today.com/health

Women may be having virgin births every day in the United States, according to new research published Tuesday.

Startled researchers found that about ½ of one percent of teens and young women interviewed as part of a larger survey reported they had given birth without ever having had sex.

“We thought, ‘This can’t be right. We must have done something incorrectly,’” says Amy Herring, a biostatician at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who led the study.

Her team was looking at data for 7,870 women interviewed multiple times over 14 years, from their teen years to adulthood, as part of the U.S. National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health.

About 45 consistently stuck to a timeline that showed they had given birth before they ever had sex.

Herring thought it was an important issue, but also thought it might work for the BMJ (formerly British Medical Journal) Christmas issue, which publishes tongue-in-cheek medical studies. “We also thought it fit nicely with the Christmas theme,” Herring told NBC News.

Virgin birth is not unknown in nature. It’s known as parthenogenesis and it’s been documented in snakes, sharks, and Komodo dragons.

But science has never demonstrated a human case of parthenogenesis. Herring thinks it may all be a mistake. “It’s self-reported pregnancy,” she says. And the survey, given by computer so the women and girls would feel free to answer questions honestly, didn’t follow up and ask them “Are you sure?” if they reported having had a baby yet not ever having had sex.

**********

Jizz finger was a well known and regularly occurring phenomenon especially among Catholic girls in the 1960s and 70s and frequently led to immaculate conception.

Determined that their wedding plans would not turn into an undignified race to get to the altar before her waters broke (like wot ours did), the girl would give her desperate boyfriend “hand relief”. Then, aroused by the experience naive young women would reach down to pleasure themselves, completely forgetting to wash their hands first and thus introducing his essence (jissum) to her womb.

Hey presto! Immaculate conception leading to Virgin birth.

Simples.

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Olympic Weightlifter Gives Birth While Training

When I saw this rather bizarre news story of a female weightlifter from Chile who has previously competed in the Olympic Games. She was in training for one of her sport’s big events in Brazil when she gave birth to a three monthes premature boy.

She said she had not known she was pregnant. (Read all Olympic Weightlifter Gives Birth While Training)

“This is the strangest birth related story I have ever heard,” you might well be thinking. If you are and you are also a regular Boggart Blog readers it shows you have not ben paying attention (or maybe your memory is deteriorating – if you can’t remember what this post is about we suggest you see your Doctor)

In January 2009 we brought you the far more bizarre story of a baby born while its mother was HAVING A DUMP. Now fatsally and I thought that was a brilliant story to brighten up the gloomy days of winter but you buggers did not give us a single comment between you. So here it is again. Baby Born On The Bog Like the EU Bureaucrats with the Irih referendum we will just keep republishing the post until we get enough comments.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

Things Not To Do In The Delivery Suite: A Guide For Prospective Fathers

When I were nobbut a lass, there were many jokes, cartoons and comedy sketches involving birth.
In all these instances birth was depicted as something that took place behind closed doors whilst the husbands paced up and down in the corridor, awaitng the news.

By the time Ian was procreating men were allowed into the delivery room and 10 years later when I got round to it myself it was absolutely de-riguer to have ones partner present not only at the birth but at all the shenanigans leading up to it, general info from the district nurses about what would happen over the ensuing seven months of pregnancy and on into the early years of the babies life, hospital appointments, scans, ante-natal classes, maternity-home visits, the whole shoot and shebang.

When we compared notes, my contempories and I, there were some hilarious stories about men turning green, mistaking the umbilical cord for the penis -never quite worked that one out myself unless there are some men wandering about whose penises comprise two tubes twisted around one another and covered in transluscent skin, god I couldn’t touch pasta spirals with tomato sauce for years after the birth of BBC – throwing up, getting high on the gas and air and falling asleep in the corner as they got bored with the waitng and moaning, and thus missing the whole thing anyway.

Now, of course, there are vast herds of friends, relatives and probably passing drunks just looking for somewhere to spend a warm hour or so, all armed with their mobile phones to photograph or video the event and forward it to their totally uninterested friends, well if they were interested they’d be there wouldn’t they? or post up on YouTube.

And I imagine that never in their wildest misgivings did those avant garde obstetricians of the sixties and seventies think that at some point in the future one of those imminent fathers would not be there, awestruck, holding his partner’s hand and breathing with her, but caressing the midwofe’s neck and telling her she was cute, before making a lunge for her breasts.
He was, of course, evicted from the delivery room and I should imagine it will be a long time before he is allowed back into the marital bed.

Should Dad be present for birth?

Just a few years ago there was a big thing about fathers being present at the birth of their children, and not just present but involved. For readers of the Guardian and Independent it was de rigeur to be at the beside administering gas and air while reminding wifey to push and pant while burbling happily to anyone who would listen about what an absolutely life enhancing experience it all was. (Fortunately our baby making days were long gone or I might have had to change my paper to the Currant Bun which adheres to the tradition that while Mum id giving birth Dad’s proper place is down the pub with mates and male relatives, wetting the baby’s head.
Fashions change and now leaders of health service midwife services say that Dads just get in the way and should be kep out of the maternity suite. Quite right too.
Once upon a time the father’s presence in the birthing room was taboo. Childbirth was women’s business and the only time the father needed to be present was if the baby was born in the back seat of the car on the way to hospital.
Childbirth is physically exhausting and not pretty to watch so its understandable that a woman would not be at the top of her game and the second last thing she wants is the worry of what will happen if hubby passes out at the sight of blood. The last thing she wants of course is to have the silly prat prancing around trying to stick a camcorder up her chuff to record the event for posterity.
Other than that there is the possibility that the sight of her distended vagina might put him of women so much he joins the homosexuals.
The real reason men should only be present at birth is very special circumstances is of course once the guys are let in they make the whole business about them.
I was at the birth of our second, a shortage of staff on night shift meant I was drafted in as a temporary nurse. On balance I have to say the birth of our first, when I was down the pub, was a better experience from my p.o.v.

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