Filth – US Cops Live Up To The Name

America’s police departments have a dirty little secret. Sexual misconduct is the second highest of all complaints nationwide against police officers, representing 9.3 percent in 2010, according to a study by the Cato Institute’s National Police Misconduct Reporting Project. In 2010, 354 of the 618 complaints involved nonconsensual sexual acts, and over half of those involved where minors.

What’s happening to policing in the USA? Did that ego on a stick Obama hire Bruce Robertson (Character in ‘Filth’, movie and book by Irvine Welsh) as his law and order Czar?

You don’t have to follow the crowd.

Because I know a lot of poets and writers on Facebook I sometime have to resist getting dragged into bouts of mooeyness that go round. One of the latest of these is about what a great writer Paolo Coelho is (he’s not, he’s shit. Trust me. He appeals to sad, mooney hippies who are “in touch with their inner child.”
My advice to them is kill your inner child and grow up, it’s great to be a free spirited, independent minded adult.

Anyway, fed up of explaining to people why Coelho is a shit writer, (e.g. No dear, his charm is not that his prose is like a childrens book, his prose style is like something written by a child, a retarded one at that” OK, sorry, I can come across as a bit arrogant. It’s not my fault that few people have read Albert Camus, Franz Kafka, John Fowles, Marcel Proust, Soren Kierkegaad and Thomas Hardy)I found a page dedicated to unfavourable reviews of his work.

And this one stood out:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/61274520@N00/2895081859/player/
A real horse, by my Crog could probably write better prose than Paulo Coelho

The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho, is billed as a modern classic, yet I find it difficult to discern why. It has the feel of a fable; from a time as hazy as the desert in which it is set, and carries the lessons on life one would expect from such a parable. The feelings of distant memory that it creates, however, fashion a gap between the book and the reader.
It begins with Santiago, a shepherd boy, who gives up his customs to follow a dream he has, a vision of treasure found at the Egyptian pyramids. Along the way he meets a king, a crystal merchant, an Englishman, and an alchemist; all of whom, with their passing involvement, provide him with a piece of the spiritual jigsaw that is his life. Finally, when he arrives at the Egyptian pyramids, he learns a lesson in life that brings him happiness.

The novel is short, and, while it gets its message across, a number of other things suffer. The characterisation is lean; everyone is faceless, ageless, and speaks with the same voice, a voice of implied wisdom. Most characters are also nameless; even Santiago, the protagonist, is simply referred to as ‘the boy’ throughout. Setting, also, is a casualty of the book; while we follow Santiago through the desert, we never truly get the feeling of being there. We don’t feel the heat, thirst for water, or shiver when night falls.

The prose in the book is extremely simple, giving The Alchemist the feel of a children’s book. Adjectives, especially when necessary, are rare, so that most things are described as ‘the desert’, ‘a horse’, or ‘some wine’. The desert has no texture, the horse no character, and the wine no flavour. Repetition, also, lengthens the book so that, once wisdom has been spoken, it echoes through the narrative so that each action can be credited.

The Alchemist is a quick read, but it’s not a good read. It has the feeling of a bonding session in the workplace where you discuss the implications of pseudo-situations, only moved from the office to the desert. It’s a self-help book disguised as a novel, the “secrets” of life, though hardly life-changing, are listed as stages in one boy’s discovery. And if any discoveries are necessary, it’s that you don’t need this novel.

RELATED POSTS:
The Wisdom Of Crowds Or The Stupidity Of Sheeple

Never Let Me Go – an appraisal
The Seven Profitable Habits Of Self Help Gurus

Age Of Certainty

Age of Certainty is a new anthology from Rebel Publishers

Age of Certainty gives ten authors’s(including your truly) answers to the question, “What if God existed?”

Suppose the theory is true that we’re biologically hardwired to believe in God – Brandon H. Bell wonders if that’s evidence enough that He is objectively real. … Imagine the traditional, Western version of God – now imagine along with Patrick Evans if the God revealed tomorrow has absolutely nothing to do with any of that. … David J. Fielding introduces a character who wouldn’t hesitate to kill God for the evil He has brought to bear, even if the result is just another form of an absence of good. … and Nebula Award laureate James Morrow asks if God would exist in the absence of misleading proof planted by a talking, time-traveling cyborg tortoise who shoots lasers out his eyes.

To meet the authors and find out how to order your copy of Age of Certainty CLICK HERE>>> Age Of Certainty: rebelepublishers.com

Cameron lookalike – it’s the kind of thing only a child would notice

It was my six year old grand daughter that pointed it out, in a kind of Emperor’s new clothes moment she pointed at the Prime Minister who was talking on television and then held up a book she was reading and said “They look the same.”

So how did we end up with a Prime Minister who looks like a character in a Dr. Seuss book?

seuss4

David Cameron (in his Bullingdon Club hat) uses Britain’s veto at the EU summit.

This Is Outrageous. The Deification of Obama Must Stop Now

A book just published in the USA bears the title The Gospel According To The Apostle Barack.

This is not a joke — or at least not an intentional joke. Nor is this offered in an ironic sense, as in how the media has portrayed Barack Obama. This epistle comes from a professor at Florida A&M University, who claims God told her that Barack Obama is thirteenth Apostle. Take a look at the Amazon page (linked above) if you think we are off on another Boggart Blog wind up

apostle-barack

So what has that to do with us unbelievers at Boggart Blog you might well ask. Well if that was all, I could say, “Not much” and do some cheap jokes about America, home of the deranged and the land of the crazy.

But it does not stop there, it gets worse. Boggart Blog may not believe in God but we do believe in some things. We believe in Cod which is why we are off to get a chippy tea in a couple of hours. We believe in the superiority of northern beer, and of Rugby League over Union and we believe the Beatles are the Second Coming.

So when the Barbara Thompson author of this wretched heresy also says Obama is the fifth Beatle that is just going to far.

Who is coming to the stoning?

Read a review of The Gospel according To The Apostle Barack

RELATED POSTS:
Obama Is Eulogised, Marco Rubio Is Slagged Off. Yet They Said The Same Thing

It’s Official! Apple iPad Owners Are Twats

A survery crried out among Apple iPad owners by Facebook (very reliable then) has shown that people who buy Apple iPad -readers / tablet computers / self esteem in a silver box gadgets tend to be intelligent but not as intelligent as they think they are / smug / elitist / condescending / emotionlly needy.

Twats in other words.

Apple techynology fans have dismissed the survey saying the organisers interpretation of the data was subjective. Boggart Blog say subjective it may be but only because people who are not obsessed with Apple gadgets can’t help but know Apple addicts are twats.

If you fancy a e-book reader but are not stupid, vain, status obsessed or a technically illiterate, publicity hungry celebrity learn about really good e-book readers that cost far less than the Apple iPad. Amazon Kindle and Sony e-reader head the list.

A guide to the best e book readers
iPad Will Not Rewrite The Book

Pies And Prejudice or How Southerners Can Learn To Love The North

George Osborne did his much anticipated budget speech today but to be honest it has been anticipated so much for so long I couldn’t be arsed listening. Wimbledon holds few attractions and watching bald blokes analyze the World Cup is my idea of dying and going to hell so I buried myself in a book.

Some things will never change, budget or no budget and one of those things is the North South divide. This is the subject of Pies and Prejudice by Stuart Maconie. Though I missed this book when it first came out about three years ago I am finding it is essential reading and should be on the national curriculum under literature, geography and sociology. Three text books for the price of one, that ought to appeal to the government.

Pies and Prejudice is essential reading for everybody. For northerners it is an affirmative experience, for southerners who seek to understand the psychology of the north it is an education and for southerners taught we in the north a ignorant, violent lardarses whe left schhol at six to work in grime mines and conditioned to react with fear and loathing when they hear a flat vowel or see a flat hat, a palliative drug. Seeing as these people must ever live with the knowledge that The North is less than two hours away (or five days if you travel by Virgin Trains) they need all the palliative drugs they can get.

Here are a couple of gems from the book to whet your appetite:

“It was my dinner, not lunch. Gordon Gekko in Wall Street sneered that ‘lunch is for wimps’ but it would have been more accurate to say lunch is for southerners. Up north we have our dinner in the middle of the day and our tea at night. A little defiantly my scouse agent and I will still talk about going ‘out for our tea’ even if we’re going somewhere terribly chi-chi in the West End. And don’t get me started on supper. A TV producer once invited me round for supper and I was genuinely flummoxed. Supper means something very specific in the north and I was rather bemused by the prospect of going round to her house in Chiswick at half ten at night in my dressing gown to have digestive biscuits and cheese off my lap while watching the telly.

Crewe has a Greggs and like every other Greggs in the UK it is packed. Greggs tasty, home baked fare has become synonymous with that other contemporary phenomenon, the chav, a tasteless, pallid, Burberry wearing, jewellery encrusted prole usually found as freakish exhibitions on mid – morning TV shows after they have married their probation officer’s mum or some such.

Pies and Prejudice by Stuart Maconie. (Amazon) It might not make you love the north but it will make you laugh.

More reviews:
How to tell a Makem from a Monkey Hanger
There’s more to the north
behind Maconie’s crafted wordplay is a serious thesis: that the North is more than its image.

Mr & Mrs Lardarse join the school council

RELATED POSTS:
Will Pastygate Bring Down The Government?

Apple iPad Will Not Rewrite The Book

Amid much hype Steve Jobs the world’s top celebrity CEO launched the latest gadget from Apple. Apple addicts were thrilled to the core but will the new gadget for reading e-books ever replace Johannes Gutenberg’s big idea?

It almost moved me to poetry: Here, in the style of E.J. Thribb is my initial reaction.

And so, Jobs
in an era of no jobs
you have given us the iPod,
a computer without keyboard
or knobs.

Hmm, quite promising that. I might try to finish it sometime.

The iPad is a rather late entry into the e-reader market which is already looking overcrowded. With offerings from Amazon, Sony, BeBook, iRiver, Bookeen, Elonex and a few others (e book readers, reviews) already competing for market share it’s possible there are more e – book readers than there are e books to read on them.

The iPad will sell of course, Apple are the Michael Jackson of technology manufacturers, they make mediocre products that engender a kind of fiercely defensive attitude usually only found among followers of crackpot religious cults. Telling an Apple geek they could have bought a piece of kit that would do much more so much better for half the price is like telling a Scientologist L Ron. Hubbard was a con man.

No matter how many versions of the iPad Apple decide to release, the faithful will buy them all just as Michael Jackson fans used to buy the same album over and over again because it kept being re-released in a different cover.

Beyond the precincts of the Apple cult’s compound however, among those not in thrall to the Pontifex Maximus Jobs, high priest of the God “i” how well received will the iPad be? Will it be the gadget that finally kills Gutenberg’s technology? To be honest we doubt it, the iPad will find a niche within the niche of the gadget addict market occupied by e book readers but would a serious reader want to read a volume of fiction or non fiction or a collection of favourite poems on a device the name of which makes them think of female personal hygiene requisites.

More humour and satire every day from Boggart Blog

Afghanistan, Financial Crisis, Climate Change – Forget it, Katie Price has quit the jungle.

Big news today is nothing to do with any of the major crises happening around the world, not with a government in meltdowm or the most frightening story, the one about new EU Prez. Van Rumpy Pumpy pledging to steer the union towards a system of global governance, a world government. You will not find that one reported anywhere in mainstream media although it is the news item thinking people should want to know about.

No, the big news today is that Katie Price, the slapper formerly known as Jordan has quit – ahem – “reality” television show I’m a celebrity, give me some wonga.

The return of Katie Price to the show’s line up (she first ate Kangaroo testicles a few years ago so must have a taste for them) was a surprise that had been trailered for a month before the show started.

The public always hates a shameless publicity seeker and by the time Katie arrived at base camp and the votes for who gets to eat worms, grubs, bollocks, eyeballs and shit began it was obvious the punters were going to give the pneumatic one a hard time. They had ben wound up to do so.

Day after day she was elected (more democratically than the EU President it has to be said) to stick her head in buckets of eel slime, cavort with rats (and we’re not talking about Joe Bugner there) crawl through caverns of cockroaches, shimmy with snakes and get covered in shit until finally, right on cue which proves she had read the script even if she has never read any of her own books, Katie’s resolve was broken.

Official rumour has it that a leak from the production team forewarned her she would have to eat the festering carcass of a dead wombat in the next trial. Unofficial rumour has it that the deal was she suffered ritual humiliation in return for lots of camera time and a chance to show her vulnerable side and then feigned an emotional breakdown and walked out on full pay.

So what is Boggart Blog trying to tell you all here? That reality television has become even more cynical and manipulative since the premium phone lines scams were shut down?

We would not dream of such a thing.

If anybody is thinking of saying they can’t believe I watch such rubbis, I have not watched a single program. Five minutes on a web celebrity gossip ite give me all I need to know. I might slag off reality TV but I’ve never said Boggart Blog is not cynical and manipulative. One of my biggest successes at American site gather.com was an review of the book How To Talk About Books You Haven’t Read by Pierre Bayard which I reviewed without having read it.

RELATED POSTS:
How To Talk About Books You Hanve Not Read
Bread and Circuses and Reality TV

Politically Incorrect Old Queen Shocked BBC Newsman

When a BBC news presenter interviewed the nation’s favourite grandmother back in the early 1990s the experience left him “shocked” that the Queen Mother (God Bless ‘er) used racist language in a casual way. The Lady was, he concluded, not the loveable, mischievous old soak we all thought but a nasty, racist bigot (sad that a BBC news presenter does not know what “bigot” means.)

In his book PC World, about the rise of Politically Correct Speech and thinking (we can see that being a huge seller over Christmas, what else would you want in your unisex stocking?) Edward Stourton, now a presenter on Radio 4’s Today, describes the QM’s dismissal of a united Europe with the words, “It will never work, not with all those huns, wops and dagos.” It’s a good thing she never mentioned the Crapauds, Phlegms and Turnips; the poor man might have had a heart attack.

Once over his initial shock (after three months rehab in the Maldives paid for out of licence fees no doubt) the writer gradually came to realise the Queen Mother was not a racist, it was just the way her generation spoke of other nationalities.

Does this story show, as Stourton claims, that now we have all been brainwashed by the Thought Police the world is a better place for Political Correctness. Or does it show, as we suspect, that the wusses and woofters who run the mainstream media have never set foot on Planet Reality where the real people live.

Wop-Ho : The Dear Old Queen Mother was the EU embodied

And while we are on the subject of being politically correct get a load of this PC twaddle from the nauseatingly sychophantic Michael Tomasky who is in danger of completely disappearing up Sidi Obama’s scawny arse. The patronising Yank twat sneeringly asks could Britain elect a black President. The answer of course is yes but we are too smart to elect a man purely for the colour of his skin. We would want to se his credentials (or lack of them in Obama’s case) first.
Tomasky also conveniently forgets that twenty years ago we British had a woman Prime Minister and if we think of the blatantly sexist campaigns run by Sidi Obama and his terrorist loving supporters against Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin hell will freeze over before that happens in America. And after Sidi Obama’s presidency it will be a longer time before American voters entertain another black candidate. See Well Britain, could you do it?

Call for post election unity fails the giggle test
For a better post-election view of America Pam Meister at Pajamas Media has this very perceptive and realistic article online. Pam examines Obama’s claim to have “united” America and finds it somewhat risible.
Obama’s call for election unity fails the giggle test