Filth – US Cops Live Up To The Name

America’s police departments have a dirty little secret. Sexual misconduct is the second highest of all complaints nationwide against police officers, representing 9.3 percent in 2010, according to a study by the Cato Institute’s National Police Misconduct Reporting Project. In 2010, 354 of the 618 complaints involved nonconsensual sexual acts, and over half of those involved where minors.

What’s happening to policing in the USA? Did that ego on a stick Obama hire Bruce Robertson (Character in ‘Filth’, movie and book by Irvine Welsh) as his law and order Czar?

You don’t have to follow the crowd.

Because I know a lot of poets and writers on Facebook I sometime have to resist getting dragged into bouts of mooeyness that go round. One of the latest of these is about what a great writer Paolo Coelho is (he’s not, he’s shit. Trust me. He appeals to sad, mooney hippies who are “in touch with their inner child.”
My advice to them is kill your inner child and grow up, it’s great to be a free spirited, independent minded adult.

Anyway, fed up of explaining to people why Coelho is a shit writer, (e.g. No dear, his charm is not that his prose is like a childrens book, his prose style is like something written by a child, a retarded one at that” OK, sorry, I can come across as a bit arrogant. It’s not my fault that few people have read Albert Camus, Franz Kafka, John Fowles, Marcel Proust, Soren Kierkegaad and Thomas Hardy)I found a page dedicated to unfavourable reviews of his work.

And this one stood out:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/61274520@N00/2895081859/player/
A real horse, by my Crog could probably write better prose than Paulo Coelho

The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho, is billed as a modern classic, yet I find it difficult to discern why. It has the feel of a fable; from a time as hazy as the desert in which it is set, and carries the lessons on life one would expect from such a parable. The feelings of distant memory that it creates, however, fashion a gap between the book and the reader.
It begins with Santiago, a shepherd boy, who gives up his customs to follow a dream he has, a vision of treasure found at the Egyptian pyramids. Along the way he meets a king, a crystal merchant, an Englishman, and an alchemist; all of whom, with their passing involvement, provide him with a piece of the spiritual jigsaw that is his life. Finally, when he arrives at the Egyptian pyramids, he learns a lesson in life that brings him happiness.

The novel is short, and, while it gets its message across, a number of other things suffer. The characterisation is lean; everyone is faceless, ageless, and speaks with the same voice, a voice of implied wisdom. Most characters are also nameless; even Santiago, the protagonist, is simply referred to as ‘the boy’ throughout. Setting, also, is a casualty of the book; while we follow Santiago through the desert, we never truly get the feeling of being there. We don’t feel the heat, thirst for water, or shiver when night falls.

The prose in the book is extremely simple, giving The Alchemist the feel of a children’s book. Adjectives, especially when necessary, are rare, so that most things are described as ‘the desert’, ‘a horse’, or ‘some wine’. The desert has no texture, the horse no character, and the wine no flavour. Repetition, also, lengthens the book so that, once wisdom has been spoken, it echoes through the narrative so that each action can be credited.

The Alchemist is a quick read, but it’s not a good read. It has the feeling of a bonding session in the workplace where you discuss the implications of pseudo-situations, only moved from the office to the desert. It’s a self-help book disguised as a novel, the “secrets” of life, though hardly life-changing, are listed as stages in one boy’s discovery. And if any discoveries are necessary, it’s that you don’t need this novel.

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Age Of Certainty

Age of Certainty is a new anthology from Rebel Publishers

Age of Certainty gives ten authors’s(including your truly) answers to the question, “What if God existed?”

Suppose the theory is true that we’re biologically hardwired to believe in God – Brandon H. Bell wonders if that’s evidence enough that He is objectively real. … Imagine the traditional, Western version of God – now imagine along with Patrick Evans if the God revealed tomorrow has absolutely nothing to do with any of that. … David J. Fielding introduces a character who wouldn’t hesitate to kill God for the evil He has brought to bear, even if the result is just another form of an absence of good. … and Nebula Award laureate James Morrow asks if God would exist in the absence of misleading proof planted by a talking, time-traveling cyborg tortoise who shoots lasers out his eyes.

To meet the authors and find out how to order your copy of Age of Certainty CLICK HERE>>> Age Of Certainty: rebelepublishers.com

Cameron lookalike – it’s the kind of thing only a child would notice

It was my six year old grand daughter that pointed it out, in a kind of Emperor’s new clothes moment she pointed at the Prime Minister who was talking on television and then held up a book she was reading and said “They look the same.”

So how did we end up with a Prime Minister who looks like a character in a Dr. Seuss book?

seuss4

David Cameron (in his Bullingdon Club hat) uses Britain’s veto at the EU summit.

This Is Outrageous. The Deification of Obama Must Stop Now

A book just published in the USA bears the title The Gospel According To The Apostle Barack.

This is not a joke — or at least not an intentional joke. Nor is this offered in an ironic sense, as in how the media has portrayed Barack Obama. This epistle comes from a professor at Florida A&M University, who claims God told her that Barack Obama is thirteenth Apostle. Take a look at the Amazon page (linked above) if you think we are off on another Boggart Blog wind up

apostle-barack

So what has that to do with us unbelievers at Boggart Blog you might well ask. Well if that was all, I could say, “Not much” and do some cheap jokes about America, home of the deranged and the land of the crazy.

But it does not stop there, it gets worse. Boggart Blog may not believe in God but we do believe in some things. We believe in Cod which is why we are off to get a chippy tea in a couple of hours. We believe in the superiority of northern beer, and of Rugby League over Union and we believe the Beatles are the Second Coming.

So when the Barbara Thompson author of this wretched heresy also says Obama is the fifth Beatle that is just going to far.

Who is coming to the stoning?

Read a review of The Gospel according To The Apostle Barack

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Obama Is Eulogised, Marco Rubio Is Slagged Off. Yet They Said The Same Thing

It’s Official! Apple iPad Owners Are Twats

A survery crried out among Apple iPad owners by Facebook (very reliable then) has shown that people who buy Apple iPad -readers / tablet computers / self esteem in a silver box gadgets tend to be intelligent but not as intelligent as they think they are / smug / elitist / condescending / emotionlly needy.

Twats in other words.

Apple techynology fans have dismissed the survey saying the organisers interpretation of the data was subjective. Boggart Blog say subjective it may be but only because people who are not obsessed with Apple gadgets can’t help but know Apple addicts are twats.

If you fancy a e-book reader but are not stupid, vain, status obsessed or a technically illiterate, publicity hungry celebrity learn about really good e-book readers that cost far less than the Apple iPad. Amazon Kindle and Sony e-reader head the list.

A guide to the best e book readers
iPad Will Not Rewrite The Book

Pies And Prejudice or How Southerners Can Learn To Love The North

George Osborne did his much anticipated budget speech today but to be honest it has been anticipated so much for so long I couldn’t be arsed listening. Wimbledon holds few attractions and watching bald blokes analyze the World Cup is my idea of dying and going to hell so I buried myself in a book.

Some things will never change, budget or no budget and one of those things is the North South divide. This is the subject of Pies and Prejudice by Stuart Maconie. Though I missed this book when it first came out about three years ago I am finding it is essential reading and should be on the national curriculum under literature, geography and sociology. Three text books for the price of one, that ought to appeal to the government.

Pies and Prejudice is essential reading for everybody. For northerners it is an affirmative experience, for southerners who seek to understand the psychology of the north it is an education and for southerners taught we in the north a ignorant, violent lardarses whe left schhol at six to work in grime mines and conditioned to react with fear and loathing when they hear a flat vowel or see a flat hat, a palliative drug. Seeing as these people must ever live with the knowledge that The North is less than two hours away (or five days if you travel by Virgin Trains) they need all the palliative drugs they can get.

Here are a couple of gems from the book to whet your appetite:

“It was my dinner, not lunch. Gordon Gekko in Wall Street sneered that ‘lunch is for wimps’ but it would have been more accurate to say lunch is for southerners. Up north we have our dinner in the middle of the day and our tea at night. A little defiantly my scouse agent and I will still talk about going ‘out for our tea’ even if we’re going somewhere terribly chi-chi in the West End. And don’t get me started on supper. A TV producer once invited me round for supper and I was genuinely flummoxed. Supper means something very specific in the north and I was rather bemused by the prospect of going round to her house in Chiswick at half ten at night in my dressing gown to have digestive biscuits and cheese off my lap while watching the telly.

Crewe has a Greggs and like every other Greggs in the UK it is packed. Greggs tasty, home baked fare has become synonymous with that other contemporary phenomenon, the chav, a tasteless, pallid, Burberry wearing, jewellery encrusted prole usually found as freakish exhibitions on mid – morning TV shows after they have married their probation officer’s mum or some such.

Pies and Prejudice by Stuart Maconie. (Amazon) It might not make you love the north but it will make you laugh.

More reviews:
How to tell a Makem from a Monkey Hanger
There’s more to the north
behind Maconie’s crafted wordplay is a serious thesis: that the North is more than its image.

Mr & Mrs Lardarse join the school council

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