An Important Lesson For Do Gooders

submitted by an Author Of The Storm (In the book referred to in this article a Dickensian type character refers to the heroes as ‘authors of the storm’ having confused the title of the French story ‘Orphans of the Storm.’)


It is a major embarrassment for the UK’s Labour party, the party of elitists, academics, lawyers and the kind of people who even though they do not know you at all are certain they know what is good for you better than you do yourself.

Once upon a time the Labour Party was a truly working class movement, men with cloth caps and vowels to hard they could cut concrete and strong women with almost invisibly thin lips and megalitic arses who got into politics to campaign for equal opportunities for all.

The the do – gooders, the pious, self righteous, holier-than-thou brigade jumped on the bandwagon (well their previous territory, religion was losing popularity faster than Ken Livingstone at a Bar Mitzvah,) and suddenly The Labour Party was no longer the party of the poor, the disadvantaged and the downtrodden, but had become the party of the hand wringing, breast beating guilt addicts who CARED about the working class and were determined to help them, whether the working class wanted the kind of help on offer or not.

And now the Labour Party, which was always opposed to prejudice against any minority groups except The Conservatives and The Liberals, found itself, because the do – gooders had enshrined love of minorities as one of the movements sacred cows, in positions where it felt obliged to support two separate minority groups that were united by a deep and long lasting mutual hatred.

Thus it was that the Labour Party found itself on the horns of a dilemma over anti – semitism. The Jewish communities of London, Manchester, Leeds and Liverpool had been one of the driving forces behind the rise of the Labour Party in the first half of the twentieth century and for that reason enjoyed a special place in Labour folklore. In recent years however, the gentle, secular Judaeism practiced in European nations has been the subject of a lot of suspicion because the Zionist (Jewish nationalist) attitude of Israel and their abominable treatment of the Muslim Palestinians living in Israel had led many people, and especially many Labour hand wringers, breast beaters and do gooders to blame all Jews for the actions of Israeli extremists (in much the same way as for most of the last 2000 yeas Christians blamed all Jews for the killing of Jesus (who probably didn’t exist but if he did and if he was crucified, was killed by the Romans because Pharisaic law had blasphemers stoned, while Roman law called for seditionist to be crucified). But I digress.

So now we have half the Labour Party supporting the Palestinians and saying what a bunch of cunts the Jews are (they mean Israelis and even that is not true because it’s a generalisation,) and the other half saying we should be nice to Jews because they have been oppressed and downtrodden.

The Conservatives are happy, the Lib Dems are happy, The Greens are happy and UKIP are happy. Labour? Well they are dopey, grumpy and probably sneezy, sleepy, and bashful. George Galloway thinks he’s Doc but few agree with him.

Even though I’m not a Labour supporter (and for the benefit of those with a binary mindset, that does not mean I’m a Conservative) I’ll pass on to the party some advice from Terry Pratchett’s novel Dodger:

“Mmmm, as I recall, if you go around telling people that they are downtrodden, you tend to make two separate enemies: the people who are doing the downtreading and have no intention of stopping, and the people who are downtrodden, but nevertheless — people being who they are — don’t want to know. They can get quite nasty about it.”

So there you have it. If Labour want to be a coherent party they need to dump the self rightousness, gag the do gooders and stop siding with minorities. The ordinary people who make up the majority have rights too. There’s no way of being on the right side of the Arab / Jewish problem, they’re all Semites so whichever side you are on you are being anti semitic against one lot or the other.

(FYI:- Semites, the children of Shem son of Noah are the people of the middle east; of his other two sons, the Hamites, children of Ham, populate north African and the Japhetites (Europeans [us] are the children of Japhet. That probably does not make any sense to you, it doesn’t to me, but to a lot of people apparently, it is so important it’s worth killing for.)


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Carry On Up The Amazon

A current kerfuffle about Amazon’s selling kindle books featuring incest, rape, bestiality and violence, with some hand wringers asking “does Jeff Bezos have any morals?” and others calling for Amazon to censor certain content posted by self publishers of Kindle books.

Criticizm is unfair really as conventional booksellers have been selling The Bible for hundreds of years.

And aren’t the Politically Correct Thought Police being hypocrites again. If they want to attack Amazon all they have to do is look at the company’s employment policies


You don’t believe be about bestialityu in the Bible?

Ezekiel 23:20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Amazon slave labour
Amazon Humandroids
Is Jeff Bezos a cockfish

The Wrong Cover, Grommit

Hubby bought a book the other week, this has happened probably on two previous occasions in our marriage, which is now in its 25th year.

The book is called Blue Monday: A Day For Murder and is by one of those conglomerate authors, or should that be two of those? styling themselves Nicci French.

Now the cover of the book has a picture of The Thames (I presume although it could be the River Fleet because there is a map on the inside of the Fleet). There is a double span of bridge visible, the tide is out and a red sandle lies in the mud in the foreground.

So this is a book about a murder that takes place on a Monday and the body is found in the river, right?

Wrong, the book starts off with a flashback to a little girl’s abduction 22 years earlier.

It then takes in a psychoanalyst and a new patient, whom she comes to suspect of abducting a five year old boy, on a Friday, when he tells her he dreams of having a son, shows her a picture of himself as a child and then she discovers that the five year old is the spitting image of that picture.

The patient then tells the doc that he’s felt like this before when he had dreams about having a daughter.

And how long ago was that, oh 22 years….

So now the psychoanalyst gets involved in the police investigation, her patient has a cast iron alibi for when the little boy was taken, so they carry on meeting and she starts doing a bit of investigating of her own.

Now I did enjoy the story, even if you could see the way the plot was twisting and turning, but I have to tell you this, only one person gets murdered and they are a tangent to the story.

So have I got the wrong cover on the book or the wrong book in the cover?

Or is it just some fuckwits who can’t be arsed to do their job properly, like read the frigging book they’re supposed to be promoting themselves, Grommit

Shrunken Hero

Hubby returns home from work and mentions that he has been listening to an interview with the author Lee Child, creator of the man-mountain, anti-hero vigilante who roams America saving damsels in distress, righting wrongs and kicking a whole load of bad asses.

Jack reacher is an ex military cop, 6ft 5in, 36in inside leg and weighing 230lbs.

Lee Child was announcing the publication of his new book and also that he has sold the film rights to Jack Reacher and a film was being commisioned and yes they had cast the role of 6ft 5in, 36in inside legged, 230lb Jack Reacher.

Any guesses? Think about it, Sly Stallone and Arnie would both come up a bit on the short side.


Alright then……Tom Cruise.

Apprentices: A format worth doing a thousand times?

People with good memories sometimes pick me up for recycling jokes, using the same joke but rewording it to fit different circumstances. Well as anyone who has ever done standup (as I have back in the days when I could stand up) will tell you,
“If a joke is worth doing once it’s worth doing a thousand times.”

Not so with ‘reality’ TV formats however.

Celebrity Apprentices with Donald Trump, Piers Morgan, a guy who used to be in the Sopranos and still thinks he is a Capo di Mafia and a load of people I’ve never heard of or remember only because they used to be somebody well known.

What I’m talking about is, you remember Taxi, the show that launched Danny di Vito to stardom? Well one of the celebrity apprentices is the fit redhead who was launched to obscurity by the same show.

Another reality show on at the monent is a kind of X Factor for standups (the C factor – I mean C for comedy of course, not the painfully unfunny ‘Cs’ who have been kicked out so far. The best line I’ve heard in the show to date came from one of the judges, Kate Capstick. She told an aspiring comedian before giving him his marching orders, “You’re ego is writing cheques you talent can’t cash.”

Now that one really is a keeper.

(NB: Anyone thinking of telling me I watch too uch crap on TV, well I’m not ashamed of watching what I watch but the trick of getting a blog post out of a show you haven’t watched is to watch one episode and get to know the format then read the reviews online. It’s a bit like the technique for the art of talking bollocks and talking about books we haven’t read.

Apprentices (comic verse)

Afghanistan, Financial Crisis, Climate Change – Forget it, Katie Price has quit the jungle.

Big news today is nothing to do with any of the major crises happening around the world, not with a government in meltdowm or the most frightening story, the one about new EU Prez. Van Rumpy Pumpy pledging to steer the union towards a system of global governance, a world government. You will not find that one reported anywhere in mainstream media although it is the news item thinking people should want to know about.

No, the big news today is that Katie Price, the slapper formerly known as Jordan has quit – ahem – “reality” television show I’m a celebrity, give me some wonga.

The return of Katie Price to the show’s line up (she first ate Kangaroo testicles a few years ago so must have a taste for them) was a surprise that had been trailered for a month before the show started.

The public always hates a shameless publicity seeker and by the time Katie arrived at base camp and the votes for who gets to eat worms, grubs, bollocks, eyeballs and shit began it was obvious the punters were going to give the pneumatic one a hard time. They had ben wound up to do so.

Day after day she was elected (more democratically than the EU President it has to be said) to stick her head in buckets of eel slime, cavort with rats (and we’re not talking about Joe Bugner there) crawl through caverns of cockroaches, shimmy with snakes and get covered in shit until finally, right on cue which proves she had read the script even if she has never read any of her own books, Katie’s resolve was broken.

Official rumour has it that a leak from the production team forewarned her she would have to eat the festering carcass of a dead wombat in the next trial. Unofficial rumour has it that the deal was she suffered ritual humiliation in return for lots of camera time and a chance to show her vulnerable side and then feigned an emotional breakdown and walked out on full pay.

So what is Boggart Blog trying to tell you all here? That reality television has become even more cynical and manipulative since the premium phone lines scams were shut down?

We would not dream of such a thing.

If anybody is thinking of saying they can’t believe I watch such rubbis, I have not watched a single program. Five minutes on a web celebrity gossip ite give me all I need to know. I might slag off reality TV but I’ve never said Boggart Blog is not cynical and manipulative. One of my biggest successes at American site was an review of the book How To Talk About Books You Haven’t Read by Pierre Bayard which I reviewed without having read it.

How To Talk About Books You Hanve Not Read
Bread and Circuses and Reality TV

Did You Know Darwin was a homosexual satanist?

Governator Schwartzenegger of California today announced an initiative to do away with hardcopy textbooks in Californian State schools. His advisers, education academics from the state’s leading Universities say that text books are no longer needed. Pupils, it seems, can grab all the information they need from the internet. So in future all Californian kids will grow up knowing that Charles Darwin was a homosexual satanist .”>Ebooks won’t solve California’s problem


So in future all Californian kids will grow up knowing that Charles Darwin was a homosexual satanist. That fact was revealed in an article on a US religious right web site I visited not long ago.

Stupid Evolution

Oh Golly Gosh! Mother May Be Racist.

The Politically Correct Thought Police are on the march again. Carol Thatcher’s careless use of the word “Gollywog” prompted them to kick off about what a nasty, racist nation we are. This has now turned into the biggest storm in a meeja teacup since Jonathan Ross and his witless sidekick made an obscene phone call to an elderly man while being broadcast live on BBC Radio.

Then the media rat – pack were enraged because it was a lot of fuss about nothing, although the fuss was not really about what was said but why a couple of creeps were paid so much television licence – money.

Now the boot is on the other foot. Most of us say OK, Carol Thatcher was out of order but it was probably just a thoughtless slip of the tongue, get over it. This is not good enough for the BBC and other SAMBOs (Smug, Authoritarian Media and Broadcast Organisations,) oh no. In the bubble of unreality these people inhabit there is no worse crime than racism. They can find ways to condone rape, wife beating, child abuse and doing unpleasant things to small furry animals so long as the perpetrators are not white members of the middle class but there can never be any excuse for racism. And racism is defined as anything a person of any ethnic minority considers racist.

So is it racist to say “Gollywog”?
“No, get over yourselves”, say the Boggart Bloggers.

“Yes,” say the denizens of Planet Politically Correct; “and also to say Golly, Golly Gosh, Goleniow (a seaport in north west Poland) and golinard (a medieval mendicant scholar who wrote satirical Latin verse) as they sound a bit like golliwog.” (You think I’m a bit over the top there? Not so long ago the PC Thought Police in America censured someone for using niggard, an old fashioned term for tightwad. Guess why.)

“Yes, and we want compo, lots of compo for our hurt feelings. And we want it now!” say members of a certain social group whose ethnicity we will not mention.

This Politically Correct fascism must be stamped out before it goes to far or my Dear Old Mum might find herself banged up in prison for racism because she says “Oh Golly!” being far too well brought up to swear.

Another thing you may expect to see is your local library making nice bonfires of children’s books like The Silent Three or the Jennings and Darbyshire series. If only the writers had been bold enough to give their characters real, non racist curses and profanities.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog