Seconds Out At Bernie’s

Anyone else remember a film called weekend At Bernies? Here’s the synopsis:

Richard and Larry are a couple of slackers who are trying to scam their way up the corporate ladder of an insurance company. They stumble on evidence that someone has been defrauding the company, and take their evidence to their boss Bernie Lomax.

Bernie is apparently so impressed he invites them to his weekend house on the coast. What the bell ends don’t know is that Bernie is the thief, and he has arranged to have them killed to protect himself.

When the boys arrive at Bernie’s they find him dead, and soon uncover the fact that they were the killer’s intended victims.

Unwilling to give up a weekend of industrial strength partying with the in crowd the pair omit to mention Bernie is dead to any of his friends. This leads to a series of ridiculous ruses to conceal the fact that the rapidly deteriorating corpse is in fact dead.

OK, so it is not the funniest film ever, even if it is “dead funny”. The plot is implausible to the point of stupidity. Perhaps it is best categorised as farce. Nothing like that could ever happen in real life, right?

Wrong.

Boxer Christopher Rivera was shot last week (25 Jan, 2014). His family wanted to remember Chris as a champ because even though he had only fought professionally fifteen times, losing four, they knew he coulda been a contender. When family and friends attended his wake on Friday to remember the deceased young man made good on his last wish and propped Rivera’s body up in a mock boxing ring. His embalmed body looked like a mannequin (or bernie in the above movie, after the two schmucks had used fake tan to conceal his deathly pallor.
Throughout the wake, Rivera stood in the ring for one last time wearing his traditional boxing gear. His mother, wife, and son posed with him for one last tribute. Mourners took pictures as keepsakes to remember the fallen boxer. As yet the authorities haven’t charged anyone with Rivera’s death.

This post was filed by our Only In America correspondent.

The Boxer Turns

I’ve often vented my anger on these pages about the mindless, probably useless, shit-for-brains who post derogatory comments to – usually – sports people who may not have got the gold but have at least achieved something in their lives and ploughed in a lot of effort for a lot of years to achieve that achievement.

So I was well chuffed to learn that boxer Chris Woodhouse, on checking his Twitter account and finding that @jimmyob88 had termed him a “disgrace” and “#awasteofspunk” following his defeat on points for the English Light Welter weight title found out where @jimmyob88 lived, jumped into his car and on reaching his destination tweeted a picture of @jimmyob88’s street sign along with the words, “Right Jimbob, I’m here!!!” followed by a request for someone to tell him what number the little troll lived at.

Funnily enough Chris received a grovelling apology from @jimmyob88.

As our dear old Mum used to say, “If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.”

Or perhaps don’t choose to say it about boxers who could be a bit miffed having just lost a title!

Our boy wuz robbed

Controversy still rages over the deafeat of British boxer Amir Khan in his championship fight against jazz pianist Oscar Peterson. Kahn’s claims that the fight may have been fixed have some credibility, Peterson has been dead for five years.

New evidence has emerge in support of Khan’s claim that he was unfairly penalised when one million points were dediucted from his score because he is British.

Khan posted a video of the fight online and said: “watch the fight from 9.10 seconds of this video there is a guy wearing a grey suit with a blue shirt wearing a hat.”

A shirt wearing a hat? That seals it then. Only a Cappo di Mafia would have a shirt that wears a hat.