Seconds Out At Bernie’s

Anyone else remember a film called weekend At Bernies? Here’s the synopsis:

Richard and Larry are a couple of slackers who are trying to scam their way up the corporate ladder of an insurance company. They stumble on evidence that someone has been defrauding the company, and take their evidence to their boss Bernie Lomax.

Bernie is apparently so impressed he invites them to his weekend house on the coast. What the bell ends don’t know is that Bernie is the thief, and he has arranged to have them killed to protect himself.

When the boys arrive at Bernie’s they find him dead, and soon uncover the fact that they were the killer’s intended victims.

Unwilling to give up a weekend of industrial strength partying with the in crowd the pair omit to mention Bernie is dead to any of his friends. This leads to a series of ridiculous ruses to conceal the fact that the rapidly deteriorating corpse is in fact dead.

OK, so it is not the funniest film ever, even if it is “dead funny”. The plot is implausible to the point of stupidity. Perhaps it is best categorised as farce. Nothing like that could ever happen in real life, right?


Boxer Christopher Rivera was shot last week (25 Jan, 2014). His family wanted to remember Chris as a champ because even though he had only fought professionally fifteen times, losing four, they knew he coulda been a contender. When family and friends attended his wake on Friday to remember the deceased young man made good on his last wish and propped Rivera’s body up in a mock boxing ring. His embalmed body looked like a mannequin (or bernie in the above movie, after the two schmucks had used fake tan to conceal his deathly pallor.
Throughout the wake, Rivera stood in the ring for one last time wearing his traditional boxing gear. His mother, wife, and son posed with him for one last tribute. Mourners took pictures as keepsakes to remember the fallen boxer. As yet the authorities haven’t charged anyone with Rivera’s death.

This post was filed by our Only In America correspondent.

Olympic Womens’ Boxing, Another Resounding Triumph For Feminism

Those redoubtable campaigners for women’s rights have won another notable victory against the dark forces of masculine superiority. In the next Olympic games women will box competitively for medals. This is not naked mud wrestling type fighting we are talking about but real pulling on boxing goves and beating the crap out of each other type fighting.

What a resounding triumph for the Politically Correct Thought Police but am I the only one who remembers when, not so long ago, these same people were calling for boxing to be banned entirely as it was a brutal and barbaric sport?

Perhaps I am being curmudgeonly. We should all celebrate the wonderful progress the feminist movement has helped women to make. In the past forty years feminist led campaigns have also won women the right to work down coalmines, serve as combat troops in battle zones and earn their living as professional boxers.

In a comment thread on Daily Telegraph I saw one visitor ask “what exactly is a faminist.”

That’s an easy question to answer. On the above evidence a feminist is a misogynist with tits.

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