Ghandi, Buddha, science tits and some common sense,

Recently I have found it hard to be amusing on this blog. The news being reported by mainstream media is a parody of what is actually going on in our world, and it is very difficult to parody a parody. Likewise when we try to satirise the antics of government supra national bureaucracy and corporations that are obviously telling us lies and we are then attacked by ‘useful idiots’ who are eager to tell us these same fascistic polictical and commercial organisations are wholly benign and we simply are not qualified to question them, the satirists task becomes impossible.

Earlier I was looking at a thread on an article about climate change which a science tit had claimed the notorious and totally discredited ‘hockey stick’ graph was right after all. One regular commenter in that forum who claims to be a science tit said, “The hockey stick was always right, the science is settled and only right wing nutters are interested in trying to pick at the theory until it unravels. A consensus of scientists agreed Mann’s hypothesis was correct and so it must be accepted as fact; that is how science works.”

Um, no it’s not actually. Science works by sceptics picking at the fabric of a theory until it unravels. If the hypothesis has any worth it does not unravel, then it can be considered a scientific fact.

I’m constantly reminded these days, when I encounter those people who wave their educational qualifacations at us or tell us “I’m a scientist,” as if that will put us in awe of their superior intellect as they parrot the propaganda of the govrnment – corporate alliance of a scene in The Wizard Of Oz (not my favourite film I hasten to point out)

Dorothy and her companions, the cowardly lion, the tin man and the straw man have arrived in Oz to ask the Wizard to grant their wishes. The straw man asks for a brain. The Wizard whose magic, as any fule kno, relies on smoke and mirrors, tells him, “If you want people to admire your intelligence you don’t need a brain, all you need is a diploma.”

how true those words have become in our modern, crazy world. Still I can take comfort from the words of Gandhi:

‘When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it – always.’ ― Mohandas K Gandhi.

And if you want to discover the truth, The Buddha has some wise advice:

Believe nothing you hear or are taught without first testing it against your own experience and common sense.

Is using taxpayers money to pay prostitutes ever justifiable?

We all had a good laugh at the antics of Silvio (Don Vito) Berlusconi as we thought, “Oh well, Italy, you know …”

But as Boggart Blog has said many times, they’re all at it. And paying for it with our money.

Dominic Strauss Khan, former head of the International Monetary Fund, former future President of France and alleged rapist was freed following accusations made by a hotel maid who said he raped her in New York. The woman was found by prosecutors working for the Politically Correct Thought Police in New York to be an unreliable witness on account of being black and a bit dim. Now however he has been named in another sex scandal.

A 30-year-old woman named Florence who describes herself as “a libertarian and part-time high-class prostitute” has lifted the lid even further on the can of worms that is the international gravy train bureaucracy. And once again the apparently insatiable sexual appetite of the one-time French presidential favourite is at the centre of the scandal.

Talking about sex orgies at which both she and DSK were present Florence is reported to have told police that “every girl in the room” had intercourse with him during each of a series of eleven sex sessions in a variety of locations – from a Brussels recording studio to a luxury hotel a stone’s throw from the White House.

Le Parisien, which cited the woman at length, said the 62-year-old economist had “exceptional vigour”, and was “above all interested in newcomers” to such parties. “With the older ones it was less intense,” she said.

Fair play to the old goat if at age 62 he can keep it up through eleven encounters in quick succession (although viagra is cheating a bit) but if my tax money is paying for high class prostitutes I want them brought to me here, NOW!

Alternatively I suggest we take up our pitchforks and cudgels and take to the streets to get rid of these elitist scumbags, both locally and internationally.

Read full story

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Comedy Coppers Oust P.C. Plod

It was reassuring to see in the news earlier this week the Inspectorate of Constabulary, a fine body of men and women who sound as if they escaped from a Gilbert and Sullivan comic opera have finally admitted that local police forces (the comedy coppers) are so snowed under with important paperwork they have can’t be arsed turning out to chase criminals.

Citizens who have dialled 999 to report their houses being robbed, their kids being kidnapped or the neighbours being brutally murdered have been reporting for a long time the standard response from the police is a weary sigh, a promise to send someone round as soon as an officer is available and a stern reminder tat the 999 number is strictly for emergencies and you should never again waste their time with trivial matters.

When someone eventually does “pop round” to the crime scene it will most likely be PCSO Tiny Littlebottom on his Raleigh Chopper and he, having no powers of arrest and no training in crime scene investigation will give you some leaflets on victim support counselling.

For years police chiefs have strenuously denied that the force were more concerned with targets, statistics and budgets than with making the streets safe for DHWFS* Chief Superintendent Gripper Feltham of Slaghoughton Constabulary told a Boggart Blog reporter, “People don’t understand how modern crime control works. We can’t send round Dixon Of Dock Green to say “‘ello, ello, ello, what ‘ave we ‘ere then” when a member of the public phones in a crime report. Nowadays governments require us to employ modern management and comply with health and safety at work regulations and employee rights legislation. Before we can investigate a crime we have to investigate the nature of the offence and define the scope and objectives of the project. Then there has to be a feasibility study, a resource planning exercise, the investigation project plan has to be costed and budgets allocated. Once we have done all that but before we can send a squad car round we have to complete a 95 page risk analysis showing whether the officers at the scene are likely to encounter rough terrain, hazardous materials, bad tempered dogs, naked flames, tropical diseases, or large, aggressive criminals wielding baseball bats with nails through the end.

That done, we can then go ahead and assign officers to the case after they have been given a thorough psychological examination. It can be quite nasty out there on the streets and we don’t want police personnel to be traumatized by the things they encounter. Only when we have done all we can to ensure the safety of our officers and avoid exposing the force to costly lawsuits can we afford to think about the safety of the public.

The problem with the criminal classes you see is many of them tend to have a sociopathic mindset, they have no intention of trying to live like decent citizens and contributing to the community. Because of this negative attitude they are seldom prepared to hang around until we have worked through our management procedures.

Then there is the question of unrealistic expectations among the public. People watch characters like Jack Bauer and Gene Hunt on television and they think real officers can behave like that. We can’t though, we have to bear in mind that criminals have the same human rights as anybody else, more if they are members of ethnic, sexual or religious minorities, or have mental or physical disabilities or if they are supported by community organisers.

I hope that helps your readers understand policing a modern society in no an easy matter. We are convinced our approach to fighting crime is the right one for the twenty first century. The wheels of bureaucracy may turn slowly but they grind exceeding fine as the old saying goes. So instead of people criticizing us for not catching the people who murdered their granny, stripped their house or hacked their computer and emptied the bank accounts I hope people will take comfort in the knowledge that our managed approach to policing means justice will eventually catch up with the perpetrators of serious crimes when they overstay their time on a parking meter, break the speed limit or talk too loudly in a public space.

*Decent Hard Working Folks.

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It’s The Sausages, Stupid.

A comment on a news blog said Britain had to get away from thinking Europe was all about standardising sausages
The result of the European elections shook Labour to the core and must have worried the Conservatives and Lib Dems a bit too. Labour though just does not get working class opposition to further integration with the EU and until they remove their politically correct New World Order / one world government blinkers they never will. So here for the benefit of Gordon Brown and his hapless honchos is the explanation why Labour’s pro – Europeanism is so deeply unpopular.

It’s the sausages, stupid.

The Politically Correct Thought Police may believe they can bully and cajole us into accepting that SHOCK, HORROR! stories in newspapers like The Daily Telegraph, Daily Mail and The Currant Bun about plots being hatched by the EU ruling bureaucracy to bring British Sausages into line with Eurosausage regulations are sensationalised but our resolve remains unshaken.

Though the benefits of membership accruing from handing over £40 million a day to Brussels are widely touted, from the ability to go to Poland and work as beetroot pickers to our right to buy overpriced bananas and cucumbers whose curvature is strictly governed by EU regulations the British are unconvinced. If it is an offence to sell potatoes in pounds we reason, will we also be compelled when hyper inflation hits us to buy and sell £££s in kilos?

Then there are plans to regulate our sausages which, like the Irish referendum on the Treaty of Lisbon, will just keep being revived until we give in.

To qualify as a Eurosausage, meat products must be “a packer of cooked or cured meat encased in intestine.”

Local variations are legislated for of course. Frankfurters can only be made from animals called Frank, Weiners can only contain members of minorities who constantly whine about their rights and bratwurst must contain 45% minced or chopped brats.

Under proposed EU sausage standardisation law meat products consisting of lips and arseholes bulked with rusk and packed in condoms do not qualify as sausages.

Well we like our sausages just the way they are. We have grown up with them, we are familiar with them and to be honest a sausage sarni doused with brown sauce bought from a tatty caravan in a lay by on the A666 would just not be right if it was made with Chorizo.

This is why we will vote in Euro elections for the fringe parties that are prepared to take up the issues that concern ordinary people, the issues the mainstream parties are afraid to discuss. We will support the parties that promise to defend our sausages.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

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EU Making Us Prisoners Of Bureaucracy

French Pig Talks Sausages

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Transport authorities in Brazil have finally caught up with a speed-loving driver who clocked up nearly £1m in fines, local media reported. Police intercepted the driver of a 12-year-old car in Sao Paulo at the spot he most frequently committed infractions. For 7 years he had been speeding and running red lights, but was not arrested earlier because the car was not registered in his own name. The car, which is understood to be worth about £3,000 would be auctioned if the driver did not pay the £900,000 in fines within 90 days.

You just have to love bureaucracy don’t you. It’s not the money for them, it’s the procedure. As if the guy is going to pay £900,000 to rescue and old banger.

More humour every day from boggart Blog.

NHS Bureaucrats Fail To Spot The Fantasist (again).

An NHS trust launched a programme aimed at helping smokers quit by recruiting and training freelance therapists offering one-on-one counselling sessions with members of the specially trained team. Targets were set, exceeded and the trust congratulated itself.

Yesterday of the highest performing counsellors was sent to jail for fraud. Ha-ha you think, bet he was nipping out for a quick ciggy on his tea-breaks. It was more serious than that. The man had falsely claimed £90,000 in fees for helping imaginary people to stop smoking imaginary cigarettes.

The way in which this quit smoking scheme operated the sheer ineptitude of NHS bureaucrats. Crooked counsellor Harry Singer had spotted the flaw in the system. Or to put it in the language of Free Market economists, he saw an opportunity and took advantage of it. The management process of the Kensington and Chelsea Primary Health Trust was as tight as a clown’s trousers. Nobody was actually following up the counsellors claims to see if their claimed quitters had actually managed to stay off the smokes. Harry worked out that all he had to do was invent hoards of wannabe quitters, fill in a form and claim his fee.

Every bureaucrat knows if a piece of paper says something has been done then it must have been done. Pieces of paper do not lie.

During his trial, Singer claimed his imaginary clients were liars who said they had not joined the scheme because they did not want to admit to having started smoking again. Maybe some of them were lying about the fact that they did not actually exist too.

The former janitor told the court, “I have been a successful businessman all my life, I have driven a Porsche, owned a Rolex watch and lived in a mansion.” He also said he had only become involved in the scheme because he wanted to help the community.

Singer denied that he was a con man who was only motivated by the prospect of easy money.

He said that though his main business now was importing Mongolian Vodka (bet that came a surprise to the Mongolians) he had previously run three successful oil trading companies. His employment records revealed he had been claiming jobseekers allowance for several years.

It emerged that Kensington and Chelsea Primary Care Trust had been warned that Singer was a failed fantasist but chose to ignore the warning. Well they had a piece of paper that said he was a successful businessman and a trained Quit Smoking therapist.

And every bureaucrat knows if you have a piece of paper your arse is covered.

More humour every day from Boggart Blog

Greenteeth Multi Media

Killjoy Christmas Decorations

Following on from last weeks revelations in Machiavelli blog about the Health and Safety Executive’s plan to make sure all trees with the potential to fall over in high winds are properly managed with public safety the foremost consideration we bring you more news of Health and Safety fascism from the uber – jobsworths of Tower Hamlets Borough Council.
Last year these halfwit bureaucrats earned ridicule for banning all Merry Christmas type messages lest they offend the delicate sensibilities on non – Christians.
This year, with the complicity of Health and Safety Inspectors they have banned all wall and ceiling mounted decorations in all council premises because staff could be seriously injured while putting them up.

NHS Crisis.

Do you remember that nice Mr. Blair telling us all a while back how he was putting shedloads of cash into the NHS because waiting lists were too long. Well now we hear that hospitals are having to delay operations until the start of the next financial year because there is no cash. So when “porky” Blair was shouting about how the waiting lists had been reduced because he had done so well for us was he being economical with the truth? Of course not. The waiting lists were reduced because the government spent that extra cash on hiring managers and clerks and management consultants to administer the waiting lists more efficiently. You did not really think waiting lists could be shortened by simply doing more operations quicker did you?