One Rule For Them, No Rules At All For Us

Cast you mind back just a few hours (I know that’s a big ask for lefties who tend to have the attention span of a goldfish) to all that screeching about one of Russia’s most prominent opposition politicians being shot.

Was Putin behind it? Screamed the headlines this morning. Of course he effing was, it’s a no brainer. but why the fuss when I have not heard a whisper about this story from the USA …

Anti-Corruption Gubernatorial Candidate Found Dead After Scheduling Interview About GOP Head

Politicians, dissidents and people who persist in asking difficult questions get killed all the time. yes even here in Dear Old Blighty. Dr. David Kelly anyone? He was reported to have committed suicide by cutting his wrists (which you’re not likely to die of unless you are sitting in a bath of water) but the independent autopsy demanded by his family reported he died from a blow to the back of the head.

And them there was that bloke who killed himself then zipped his own body into a holdall.

Politician Robin Cook was about to blow the gaffe on Blair’s war crimes when he, a man with no known health problems, had a heart attack.

And what about the best Labour Prime Minister we never had. John Smith was widely admired and popular even among opponents. how convenient was his death for a certain ambitious young Labour apparatchik who gave every impression that he would stop at nothing to get his hands on they keys to Downing Street.

Come on guys, let’s stop being sanctimonious.

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Why Libya is ringing alarm bells in Italy
We have followed the deterioration of Libya since the Obama led FUKUS axis decided to overthrow Gaddafi because he was no longer doing what America wanted. It has not been a pretty story. Now, as Rome rings alarm bells over the deteriorating situation in Libya, The Daily Stirrer looks at the likely consequences in mainland Europe of a failed state across the Mediterranean.

Pandemonium: UKIP Taken Over By Fiends From Hell?

goat of mendesThe Goat Of Mendes – UKIP Candidate for Pendle

UKIP are at risk of being engulfed in another “ism” scandal as Jake Baynes, prospective parliamentary candidate for Wells has resigned his candiacy and party offices, claiming the constituency party has been taken over by “Occultists” (report in The Daily Mail). Jake Baynes had intended to run in next year’s general election but has now decided to stand down as a UKIP candidate, according to the Daily Mail.

Baynes, a teacher, claims that UKIPpers Glen and Colleen Tucker have mounted a “continuous campaign” against him, and that they are “oddballs” who worship ‘the occult’. Supporters of Baynes claim the Tuckers run an “angelic healing group” in the Somerset town of Glastonbury.

Angels? Aren’t they … you know … Christian. White feathers and comforting the soon to be dead and such. No horned beasts or cloven hoofed, sulphur farting monsters to be seen?

The Tuckers obviously agree with my view and have defended themselves by saying that they are not the kind of “fruitcakes and loonies” that Daily Mail readers associate with UKIP. They also say Baynes is not up to the job of candidate and may have a point, he seems a bit Bible Beltish to me and so is on the wrong continent. A bit of dancing naked round a bonfire and carefee copulation as an act of worship may be just what the punters of Wells need to attract them to the party. Mr & Mrs Tucker also deny deliberately stirring up trouble.

According to their website, Glen and Colleen Tucker, practice “alternative healing” and work “hand in hand with the Angelic Realms…and Galactic Beings” (David Icke?). One of Mr Baynes’ supporters described them as belonging to “the Glastonbury occult crowd.”

Graham Livings, who has also resigned from his office in the UKIP constituency party, said of the Tuckers: “They put on these weekend retreats where they guarantee the angels will be present. They are oddballs. The public can be very wary of that sort of thing. UKIP has a prescribed list which states that no one who has been a member of the BNP or the English Defence League should be a member.”

OK but … BNP and EDF are not affiliated to the Aleister Crowley fan club to my certain knowledge. And I still think nocturnal naked dancing and carefree copulation are more likely to win votes than stuffy suburban respectability.

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Tories UKIP smear campaign

Lynton Crosby, the Australian running Camoron’s 2015 election operation, has met a lobbying firm to discuss an “under-the-radar” attack on Ukip. Rather than slandering them as oddballs and fruitcakes, the party of Boris Johnson and Nadine Dorries will fight dirty instead.

Crosby’s secret campaign weapon will target the nasty, right wing extremists in UKIP. A video of the UKip activist Dean Perks – a self-employed builder, please note, and a prospective candidate for Halesowen and Rowley Regis – was leaked, showing him declaring his sympathies for Sharia law.

What? I thought they were supposed to be a bunch of xenophobic bigots yet here’s one coming over all multicultural.

Bogart Blog has no wish to malign Mr. Perks so we feel it only fair to point out that what he actually said is, “You can’t fault sharia Law on some things, I mean I’m all for a bit of chopping the ‘and offov thieving bastards what nicks stuff off my jobs.”

Well come on, the guys a builder, whats he supposed to say.

Then there is , where I live, was Bradley Monk, a 19-year-old student who was the local Ukip candidate for Winchester in the county council elections. He has been smeared for posing in a Jimmy Saville mask at a Hallowe’en party (well at least he wasn;r smeared BY Jimmy Savile) Now again we can’t fault the lad, I had the same idea last Halloween. Answer the door to trick or treaters in a Jimmy savile mask and scare the grasping little bastards shitless.

Chris Scotton, a Leicestershire candidate, “stands accused of having “liked” questionable groups of Facebook, including “I hate it when I lose my black friend in the dark”. Are they sure it washim and not some poor Bangladeshi earning $1 for a twelve hour shift in a click farm? Facebook is about as secure as the sphincter of an elephant with diorrhea.

There are many more in similar vein in Crosby’s hit list. They are likely to make ordinary voters not infected with politically correct self righteousness warm to UKIP. It’s about time we has some real human beings in Parliament.

Lib Dems almost pull off greatest by election triumph ever

The result of the South Shields by election made necessary when Thunderbird 2 was engulfed in a meteor shower, lost its navigational equipment and left previous MP Virgil Tracy David Miliband stuck in a distant orbit must have left Lib Dems heartbroken.

After their unexpected victory in Eastleigh, when the party’s candidate held the seat for the coalition partners even though previous MP and Lib Dem deputy leader Chris Huhne had been banged up for dodging speeding fines, being a lying, conniving shit, a bully and a general twat, the Liberal Democrats had expectations of an even more headline grabbing result in South Shields by election in which eight candidates took the field and theirs had led a blameless life.

In the event Nick Clegg’s party were pipped by the Loonys and could only manage to finish seventh of the eight contenders.

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Krystal Does Congress

Nine compromising pictures of Democratic Candidate Krystal Ball, who is vying to become the youngest woman ever elected to the US Congress, were posted on the internet.

Taken at a Christmas party six years ago, they show her clad in a red velvet Santa Claus hat and black lace camisole, cavorting with her ex-husband and making obscene movements using a sexual aid strapped to his head.

28-year-old Ms Ball has dismissed a series of racy pictures of her leaked on the internet, claiming women of her generation running for office are likely to be caught out by such images.
Well maybe they do Krystal, but you are the only one whose name makes her sound like a porn star and you look quite like one too.

Krystal-Ball_1737820c

Another thought just occurred to me: Suely anyone with a name like Krystal knows the Kama Sutra uses the word congresss as a euphemism for rumpy pumpy.

read full story

US Anti Masturbation Candidate Becomes Wank Fodder For Rednecks

America’s New Anti – Masturbation Candidate Is A Wank Magnet For Redneck Men.

Christine O’Donnell, who has won the primary election to be Republican Senate Candidate for the state of Delaware in America’s mid term elections campaigned on an anti – abortion, sex and masturbation platform. Saying that girls should just say no and keep their knees clamped together until after they’re wed. Ms O’Donnell also declared that men should not only keep it in their trousers unless they are perpared to put a ring on the girl’s finger but should also avoid making the acquiaintance of Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters.

O’Donnell won the nomination after being endorsed by the so called Tea Party movement which supports Mom’s Apple Pie, Superman and The American Way as well as evangelical Christian values.

Her views may have gone down well down well with Amereica’s religious right but is Ms O’Donnell all she seems? Internet scandal miners have dug up an old interview in which the candidate talked of having dabbled in withcraft and taken part in Satanic rituals candles, goats and chocolate ice cream. She is also something of a sex symbol for the type of men who have big bellies, drive pick up trucks and wear checked shirts Boggart Blog’s American correspondent reports.

Men with names like Joe Six Pack and Joe Pork Scratchings can’t resist touching their crotches while watching Christine O’Donnell speak out on the evils of masturbation and pre – marital sex, contacts in Delaware told our reporter.

Although not particularly good looking (our womanizing expert Ian said of her “Only if I was very very drunk”) O’Donnell’s bossiness and suburban dominatrix persona appeals to her male constituency. Their favourite onanistic fantasy was to drive with Chistine in a Chevvy to the levy.

With anti – Obama felings running high she may do very well in the election proper.

christine odonnell

Christine O’Donnell turning down a request for a hand job from Pastor Joe Pervert.

Sleeping With Conservatives

Better A Witch Than A Dullard

Boggart Blog Now The Most Influential Election Opinon Maker

Readers of our humble Blog we can proudly announce Boggart Blog has emerged from this lacklustre election campaign as the most influential news publisher, the blog the policy makers read.

Some sceptics have dismissed our earlier claims to be the blog read by the people who pustulate matter as pure hyperbole – or hyper Bolly as people who visit our offices are inclined to say – but throughout the campaign masses of evidence has emerged to support us.

Only yesterday Baron Von Thunderclap, the Monster Raving Loony Candidate for Mid Sussex revealed the Loony policy on sustainable energy inolves a scheme to set young offenders running on giant hamster wheels to generate electricity for pensioners’ homes.

While Boggart Blog wholly approves of the project everybody on the staff is a tad miffed that Baron Von Thunderclap did not acknowledge the idea was first proposed in a Boggart Blog article written by Sir Hector Gobbett – Broadsides, MP for Ratenborough and our adviser on Victorian Values in an article titled A Child Could Solve The Energy Crisis

Proof then, were any needed that not only does Boggart Blog report the news before it happens, we make the opinions of the opinion makers. We anticipate Labour, Liberal Democrat and Conservative pokesment to include ideas gleaned from Boggart Blog in their final push to attract voters.

Hat tip to The Guardian’s excellent sketch writer Simon Hoggart for bringing this to our attention.