Google’s Wankermobile Self Driving Car Can’t Drive Itself

People are starting to trust Boggart Blog and our friend Little Nicky Machiavelli. That’s because we are always right. And we always try to sound a weeny bit humble when we say I told you so.

Recently the usual types got a bit huffy when we mercilessly mocked the much hyped Google self driving car, or Wankermobile because it looked like the kind of car you would get out of a Kinder Surprise egg (only the Google jobbie wouldn;t go as fast). Oh you are anti – science, you are anti progress, you are anti-road-safety, they said. We’re not any of those. Fatsally has a very high tech BMW, it’s fast and runs clean and has lots of gadgets, even a Sat Nav which Sally does not use because she isn’t brain dead and can read a map (that’s through growing up with three brothers) I’m not against safety but the only two accidents I’ve had in a forty odd yeard driving career occurred whem my car was standing still and the ones that hit me we going well under the speed limit. So statistically the faster I’m going the safer I am.

And as for the science bit, well let’s have the latest on the Google Wankermobile. Things are not going well we hear. As usual then, those semi autistic clowns at Google obsessed over the technology and didn’t think the practical considerations through properly.

from Auto World News (my emphasis)

Apparently the famous Google self-driving car isn’t that close to giving us hands-free transportation after all.

While Google’s fleet has safely driven more than 700,000 miles, the autonomous model relies so heavily on maps and detailed data that it can’t yet drive itself in 99 percent of the country, according to an MIT Technology Review report.

“The public seems to think that all of the technology issues are solved” with Google’s self-driving vehicle, said Steven Shladover, a researcher at the University of California, Berkeley’s Institute of Transportation Studies. “But that is simply not the case.”

Chris Urmson, director of the Google car team, has volunteered details on the car’s limits. He hopes the car will be ready by the time his 11-year-old is 16, or old enough to drive in the state of California.

“It’s my personal deadline,” said Urmson, as quoted by the MIT Review.

The Google car depends on detailed preparations where the car’s exact route is mapped out before the trip, a process far more intensive than the effort needed for Google Maps. Weather is also an issue: Google’s much-touted self-driving car has never maneuvered snow, and it’s not yet safe to drive in heavy rain either.

Google Driverless Wankermobile Will Be Controlled by Darth Vader

FBI warns driverless cars could be used as ‘lethal weapons’

google wakermobile
Google Wankermobile – built for The Dark Side

from The Guardian
Google’s driverless car may remain a prototype, but the FBI believes the “game changing” vehicle could revolutionise high-speed car chases within a matter of years. The report also warned that autonomous cars may be used as “lethal weapons”.

In an unclassified but restricted report obtained by the Guardian under a public records request, the FBI predicts that autonomous cars “will have a high impact on transforming what both law enforcement and its adversaries can operationally do with a car.”

In a section called Multitasking, the report notes that “bad actors will be able to conduct tasks that require use of both hands or taking one’s eyes off the road which would be impossible today.”

The restricted (but not secret) report obtained by the Guardian under a FoI request states that the FBI predicts driverless cars “will have a high impact on transforming what both law enforcement and its adversaries can operationally do with a car.”

Continue reading:

The report states:

One nightmare scenario could be suspects shooting at pursuers from getaway cars that are driving themselves.

The report, written by agents in the Strategic Issues Group within the FBI’s Directorate of Intelligence, says, “Autonomy … will make mobility more efficient, but will also open up greater possibilities for dual-use applications and ways for a car to be more of a potential lethal weapon that it is today.”

Well that certainly proves Guardian writers will be potential customers for Wankermobiles. These monstrosities, (designed for Google by the people who make Kinder Surprise toys) will do a maximum of 20mph flat out. I cannot see how the FBI’s fears that Darth Vader or other intergalatic criminals will want them.

Who the fuck in their right mind other than a middle class, left wing, safety craving wuss would use one as a getaway car?

Government Promoting Google’s Wankermobile?

google wankermobile
Google’s fully automatic wankermobile.

UK government plan to raise motorway speeding fines to £10,000 causes ructions.

The maximum fine for speeding on the motorway is to be quadrupled to £10,000 as part of sweeping reforms to the penalties which can be imposed by magistrates, the Government has announced.

Other fines for breaking the limit on dual carriageways and other roads will also increase four-fold from £1,000 to £4,000, along with the maximum fine for using a mobile telephone at the wheel.

Motoring groups condemned the massive increases as “draconian” and warned they could deter innocent motorists from challenging speeding tickets in the court through fear that they could be hit with crippling penalties.

Some people are rejoicing at this move saying it will improve road safety although while the poor bloody car driver always gets the blame, statistics show that more than half of the deaths on the road are down to jaywalking or drunk pedestrians.

There is a possibility of course that the government has an ulterior motive. Is it possible that the Google nerds have bribed Cammers and Gideon to harass car driver and tax us off the road as a way of promoting Google’s Self Driving Wankermobile, the mobility scooter with a roof that will be driven via the internet by a computer program so the kind of anally retentive nerds who might think such a vehicle is “kewl” will be able to have a wank while being transported to their destination at 5 mph.

When you start joining the dots it all becomes clear.

Oh, and if you think I’m joking;
Profits from parking fines rise to £350 million

Google ‘Stupid’ And your Top Search Result Will Probably be Google

Ahead of the game as usual, yesterday we blogged a scathing critique of the new and much hyped fully automate, internet enabled, driverless car built by Google. This was the car that search engine specialist (but never engineers or car builders) Google promised us would change the future of motoring.

And it’s a mobility scooter with a roof. The roof is only there to hold up the wi – fi transceiver through which Google will drive your mobility scooter for you.

You think it’s just us because we have a downer on Google? Well no, it’s just about everybody who thinks the semi autistic twats (sorry, that was politically incorrect) sub human cupid stunts at Google have really lost the plot this time.

The nerds obviously have no effing idea what real people want from a car. On the other hand if we consider this in the context of Google’s plans to implant a chip in everybody’s skull so we will all have our brains hooked up to Google server centres, perhaps they are planning to make us all want their dream car, the Supernerdmobile.

While Mercedes are adapting one of their A Class models as a driverless prototype, and Honda are doing the same with a Civic, one technology writer says Google’s nerd army have such a total lack of connection with the rest of humanity they have managed to create a car less desirable than the notorious Trabant, built in East Germany under the old communist regime.

If you think I’m sarcastic wait until you see what Williard Foxton writes on the Nerdmobile

Today, Google revealed the big secret it’s been working on, a driverless concept car. As is so often the case with Google products, the futuristic concept is fascinating – but the actual product is a total lemon.

With a top speed of 25 miles per hour, and the looks you’d expect from a free plastic toy given away with a Happy Meal, it’s surely the most undesirable car since the Trabant. It’s safe to say there won’t be iPhone style queues around the block to buy this. It’s the new Sinclair C5; the ideal car for Ed Miliband.

I can’t disagree with Matt Warman’s take on the concept, that the technology will change everything (eventually). What I think will happen is that driverless cars will be a big hit one day, but the Google car will be a flop. Why? Just as you needed the beautiful, stylish Jony Ive design of the iPad to make tablets happen, you need someone like Tesla to take on self-driving cars before they enter the mainstream.

This faux pas could put the Google boys in line for a special nobel prize for incompetence and sheer fuckwittery.

Can’t wait to see what Jeremy Clarkson and his mates on Top Gear have to say about it.

A Trabant, actually quite stylish compared to Google’s nerdmobile (below)

google driverless car

Google Car Driverless Because No Sane Person Would Be Seen Dead In One

So Google have finally unveiled their much heralded driverless car (pictured below). Well nobody was expecting a long awaited contender for the E Type Jaguar’s title of coolest car ever, but Google have surpassed even their usual levels of bellendishness with a nerdmobile that, as Boggart Blog predicted, looks like a mobility scooter with a roof.

At first sight however, the product is far worse than even we expected. The cars, which are being promoted as the prototype for a serious mode of transport, look somewhat less stylish and about as practical as one of the kid’s rides that are sited outside supermarkets.

google driverless car
Google driverless car – not exactly a babe magnet then? (source)

Though there is nothing new about the technology Gooogle Go Karts deploy, because it has all been around for years, the question is how will it perform in real driving conditions. So far it has only been tested in California where people are queueing to have a processor implanted in their brain that will link them via wi-fi to a Google server centre and they will never be at risk of not conforming again. Such conditions are ideal for machines that require an environment where everything is totally predictable. Get a few of these on roads in British cities, the streets of Paris, Rome, Madrid or worse, Baghdad or Calcutta and they will cause mayhem.

So far the only technical detail Google have announced is that the car will be capable of 25mph. We expect it will have a range of about 15 miles and cost in the region of £25million for a basic model. It may appeal to the kind of celebs who like to parade their environment conscious credentials by arriving at film premieres, award ceremonies and celebrity weddings in one, having flown all the way except the last few miles in private jets or been driven in gas guzzling stretch limos.

Google executives and technerds say driverless cars will improve road safety. Some experts have said they will make it worse. Thousands of people every year will be mown down by conventional car=s careering out of control onto pedestrian walkways after their drivers have dies laughing on seeing one of these jokes go past.

We suggest there is a better and less expensive way to let people know you are a twat. Just have the letters T W A T tattooed across your forehead.

Google Driverless Car Project – there are still a few snags to be ironed out
We said when it was first announced nearly a year ago that the Google driverless car was a non starter. It was not just the fact that Mercedes are miles ahead, nor Google’s lack off attachment to reality. It was not the obvious (to those who have worked in the industry) tchnical problems, but the fact that people don’t like giving control to machines that will scupper it.

British Development Aid Subsidises Third World Millionaires

Looks like another “Told you do” moment for us freethinkers and common sense merchants. Foreign aid is a waste of money, it just goes into the pockets of tyrants, their supporters and vast extended families we said. How many schools and hospitals could we build with £100billionish we hand out to third world dictators, how many nurses could we employ and still have enough to buy a poor disabled driver like me one of those new Jaguar F type sports jobbies at £79,000?

Ohh, racist, swivel eyed loon, right wing nut job, I can hear supporters of Ed Miliband’s British National Socialist Workers Party screaming.

You think so? Well maybe you ought to go and explain how you arrive at your conclusion to those swivel eyes rightists at The Guardian then:

from The Guardian:

“Millions of pounds of British aid money to tackle poverty overseas has been invested in builders of gated communities, shopping centres and luxury property in poor countries, the Guardian can reveal.

CDC, the little-known investment arm of the British aid programme, has invested more than $260m (£154m) in 44 property and construction companies in Latin America, Africa and Asia.

At least 20 of these are hotels, shopping centres or companies that build or manage gated communities and luxury property, according to Guardian research.”

Read more:

A better way of wasting money than stuffing a tyrants Swiss bank account:

jaguar f type
A Jaguar F Type, the ideal mobility scooter for me.

European Elections: you can vote UKIP or you can vote Nazi, simples

Irony Alert: Government admits diesel cars are dirtier than petrol

Remember not so long ago when politicians and scientists alike were on a daily basis exhorting us to buy diesel cars because they were better for the environment. Well as we all know politicians are wankers and scientists will say anything for a pat on the head and a prawn sandwich in the corporate hospitality suite (science was ever fascism’s whole.)

back then some of us (mostly the same people who have spent the last few years exposing the Anthopogenic Global Warming scam and are now on the case of monsanto and the other Frankenstein Foods corporations) were warning that diesel cars might get better fuel consumption figures but were dirtier and pumped a broader range of toxic chemicals(including carcinogens) into the air we must breathe.

Now I see even mainstream media have caught on to the diesel scam. UK’s most left wing and green sympathetic newspaper The Guardian has a story under this headline.

Diesel cars kill tens of thousands of Britons every year.

Air pollution: European commission launches legal action against the UK

Britain faces fines and court appearances for failing to reduce ‘excessive’ levels of nitrogen dioxide fumes from traffic
The UK faces fines of up to £300m a year and embarrassing court appearances after the European commission launched legal proceedings against it for failing to reduce “excessive” levels of nitrogen dioxide (NO2) air pollution from traffic, despite 15 years of warnings and several extensions and postponements granted to the government.

The affected areas are Greater London, the West Midlands, Greater Manchester, West Yorkshire, Teesside, the Potteries, Hull, Southampton, Glasgow, the east, the south-east, the east Midlands, Merseyside, Yorkshire & Humberside, the west Midlands, and the north-east. But the commission said that Britain had not presented any “credible and workable plan” for meeting air quality standards by 2015.

Potočnik was spurred into action by the UK supreme court’s landmark ruling last year which declared that Britain was in breach of the directive and said: “the way [is] open to immediate enforcement action at national or European level.”

Air pollution causes 29,000 early deaths a year in the UK and the World Health Organisation has confirmed that air pollution causes cancer. Poor air quality also causes heart attacks and children living near busy roads in the UK have been shown to grow up with underdeveloped lungs.

Read more at The Guardian:

Ironic isn’t it that after spending years accusing us of murder and worse. Sadly the stupid, brainwashed, Scienceology cult devotee, self righteous lefties behave as if they discovered this fact for themselves rather that admit those they called unscientific idiots were in fact correct.

They’ll do exactly the same when global cooling finally proves their Carbon Dioxide dogma is just another pile of quasi – religious bullshit.

But I should not be taking this lightly, it’s a serious matter:

How diesel cars are killing us. 20 times more particulates than petrol.
Scottish Court Rules You Can’t Claim Smoking causes Cancer

There Will Be No Escape From Nazi Taxes

How many times and in how many different ways have I told you that all the Carbon Dioxide Is Making The Sky Fall Down pseudo-science bullshit was just a ruse to persuade us through fear and panic that we must accept punitive taxes on fuel. Lost count? Well tough, I’m going to tell you again.

The state government of Washington State, USA took a step closer to taxing drivers on the state’s roads by the mile. If they eventually push the legislation through they will be the first authority in the free world to successfully implement the Blair / Brown New Labour wet dream policy of monitoring all car journeys and taxing drivers by the mile.

Washington State lawmakers ludicrously claim tax-per-mile needed to offset prevalence of fuel-efficient cars. So get this right. For years the authorities have been telling us to drive more fuel efficient cars because it was necessary to cut CO2 emissions to save the planet from climate change related catastrophes.

And the world responded, not to the fearmongering, but to the price taxation had raised our fuel to. Car companies responded by building more efficient engines and drivers responded by buying smaller cars.

And now what are the authorities saying? They are telling us, “You evil bastards are not contributing enough tax. We did not intend for you to reduce fuel consumption, we intended to make you feel guilty about destroying the planet so you would not complain about high taxes. Well, selfish bastards, we are not going to let you be us, we are THE POWER and you will obey. If you will not pay the tax for using fuel, we will find ways of taxing you for not using fuel.

from Infowars
January 31, 2014
Lawmakers in Washington state are edging closer to implementing a new system that would monitor and tax drivers based on miles driven, under a new highway funding proposal.
Lawmakers claim tax-per-mile needed due to prevalence of fuel-efficient cars.

The Washington State Transportation Commission says the motor fuel tax, which currently pays for 76% of transportation investments, is unsustainable “over the long term.”

Infowars: Washington State edges closer -to charging drivers by the mile

First Porsche? Steady On Boys, Its Not A Carrera

The first Porsche vehicle ever built was recently rediscovered in an old barn in Austria. What’s even more amazing is that the car had been sitting there since being abandoned in 1902. Perhaps it was dumped because it was an electric car. Even back they they knew the turd-on-wheels Toyota Prius was not the future of motoring. Take a look:


Now this piece of automotive history is getting some recognition. It is currently on display in Stuttgart, where it was unveiled on Mon., January 27, 2014.

Yahoo News reports “The ‘Egger-Lohner electric vehicle, C.2 Phaeton model,’ or P1 for short, was designed and built by Ferdinand Porsche himself, first hitting the streets of Vienna on June 26, 1898.”

As we would expect from its designer, the first Porsche featured many design and engineering innovations including rearwheel drive and front wheel steering. It also had brakes, which were an optional extra in those days. The car was powered by a Porsche designed electric motor with an eight sided housing.

porsche carrera

Self Drive Cars And Closing Time Chaos On The Roads

I’m always gobsmacked by the unthinking stupidity of those we allow to rule us. While the developed nations struugle with unemployment, due to automation of processes that provide jobs amongst other things, our poticians and the “experts” who advise them are creaming thrir pants over another technological development that will destroy thousands of jobs.

Their latest miracle tachology is self driving vehicles:

Eric Blair
Activist Post

“Automation has already been responsible for the loss of countless jobs in America and around the world. You can see brilliant accounting for this here and here.

Well, you’ve got less than ten years warning that millions more will go unemployed due to self-driven cars. Two fresh reports outline where this is all going.

The first, titled “Computer driven cars will convulse the automotive industry” appeared yesterday in the Detroit News. The article praised the many benefits of self-driven cars, but also pointed out that there will be some losers:
Read all.

Now the article goes on to raise many intelligent points about the negative consequences of bringing in self drive cars (though not the one that concerns me, what about those of us who thing driving is fun).

But what the people cheering, waving flags and going “Woo – ooo – ooo for technology” have not thought of is the way this is going to make chaose of the drink driving laws.