What Are They On?

It’s not like me to blog about football, my interest in the game these days barely registers on the radar. I do know however that not long ago it was looking like a duel between Manchester City and Chelsea for the Premier League title, with Liverpool the outsiders.

Then along came Sunderland. One of the pre season favourites for relegation, sunderland have been among the strugglers all season. And then in the space of a week they travel to Manchester and hold City to a draw before beating Chelsea at Stamford Bridge.

Whatever drugs they are certainly doing the job. Can we have the name of their pusher please?

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Which Sports Star Uses Cash For Bog Roll

Yes the pictures shows what one overpaid sport star uses to wipe his arse.

the sports stars toilet paper

Yes, one overpaid ball juggler with the social sensibility of a sewer rat (sorry, that ws unfair ……………. to sewer rats) uses cash for toilet paper. Who is it do you think.

Hands up if you said Super Mario Balotelli. His was the first name that came to my mind, but we are wrong. The scumsucker responsible for this stunt is one Gilbert Arenas who was already one of the biggest stars in the NBA when he signed a six-year, £70 million contract with the Washington Wizards back in 2008.

To add insult to insult, a catalogue of injuries, loss of form, suspensions and legal difficulties mean he has hardly played. In fact Arenas has become become basketball’s answer to Chelsea’s Winston Bogarde.

Bogarde collected just £2 million a year by not playing for Chelsea, which is grotesque because most of us would be happy to pick up a grand a week for not playing football. Arenas however has collected over £10 million a year for barely touching a ball .

He’s not played a single minute in the NBA in over two years, but remains one of the biggest-earners in the sport; the Orlando Magic apparently owe him £15m for 2013 alone.

All in all he’s a total arse and a fine example of what is wrong in modern society.

Not to be outdone, The Premiership has its own totally overpaid arsewipe in West Brom’s Liam Ridgewell as this story from The Currant Bun illustrates.

Call me Chelsea, Wikileaks leaker tells fellow inmates

Wikeleaks leaker Bradley Manning, the US soldier jailed for 35 years for the largest intelligence leak in US history, has released a statement in which he says he wants to live as a woman called Chelsea.

A statement from Manning, read on NBC News’s ‘Today’ programme, said that as he makes the “transition” into the next phase of his life, he wants “everyone to know the real me.”

“I am Chelsea Manning,” the statement reads. “I am female. Given the way that I feel, and have felt since childhood, I want to begin hormone therapy as soon as possible. I hope that you will support me in this transition.

“I also request that, starting today, you refer to me by my new name and use the feminine pronoun (except in official mail to the confinement facility). I look forward to receiving letters from supporters and having the opportunity to write back.”

Manning, 25, was sentenced on Wednesday to 35 years in a military prison for turning over classified files to WikiLeaks.

During Manning’s trial, his defence team argued that the army missed multiple warning signs he was struggling with gender identity issues. The court heard how he sent his superiors an anguished email where he explained he thought should be a woman and attached a photograph of himself as his female alter-ego “Breanna”, wearing make-up and a blonde wig.

Bradley Manning want to lice as a woman

To paraphrase The Duke of Wellington, “I don’t know what he will do to his fellow inmates but he scares the shit out of me.


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Never Mind The Politics

Today’s blog is from my little Sis. Judy Redfern, plenty of comments please as I’m hoping to recruit her as an extra blogger on the Boggart team.

Never mind the politics, what a week it has been in sport.
While Ruth Kelly stoically resisted pressure to indulge in public self-flagellation over her decision to send her son to private school, it appears ritual self abuse is catching on in the world of sport.
How else do we explain the weird goings on at, for example, the BDO World Darts Championship?
Here we saw Nixon, by no means the underdog but a contender (although he does not look much like Marlon Brando*) playing abysmally and reaching the interval trailing 6 – 0.
On his return to the oche, perhaps limping slightly, he proceeded to recoup his lost ground in a superb resurgence surely only matched by Liverpool’s comeback to clinch the Champions League a few years ago.
The next day we learned that Nixon had in fact stabbed himself in the leg with his darts during the break. No medical aid was sought so we must conclude that the wound was deliberately self inflicted as an aid to concentration for the task ahead. Which brings to mind Dan Brown’s albino monk.
Is this an isolated incident? you might well ask.
We fear not, and furthermore if you are thinking the Boggart Blog team indulge in a form of self flagellation by watching darts on TV, let me say this incident was only learned of from a newspaper column.
Whilst watching the Australian Open, live and in person, your intrepid reporter observed Marat Safin, a 6′ 4″ built-like-a-brick-shithouse Russian who was struggling against he shorter, lighter (much more attractive) German Benjamin Becker. After some self directed verbal and racquet directed physical abuse failed to achieve the desired effect on his game, Safin then began to beat his own bollocks with his racquet.
If this had happened at change of ends between games one could have been persuaded he was re-enacting certain scenes from Casino Royal. Bollocking oneself with a tennis racquet while walking across court between points however must raise certain questions about a player’s mental stability. Unless of course he is a member of a religious cult that practices self-bollocking as one of its austerities.
So how far has self torture spread among participants in other sports. Can we believe that when Olympic Yachtsman Ben Ainsley hangs his arse over the side of the dinghy it is solely about balance. Anyone who has hit water at speed will know how hard it can feel. So is Benny-boy into spanking and lacking a partner? Perhaps he should contact suzeemoon who will be able to direct him to potential partners.
Do the Chelsea team wax their entire bodies solely for aerodynamic reasons or is the pain part of the motivation. These questions have to be asked.
Could England’s dismal performance in the recent ashes cricket series in Australia have been so much different if, on the second day of the first test, Freddy Flintoff and the boys had pinioned Ashley Giles (or better still, Shane Warne) in the manner of Leonardo’s Virtuvian man and hammered the stumps through his hands and feet? (this type of ritual sacrifice ends in the victim going off to another country and never being seen near his home again)
Sport and suffering seem inextricably linked (especially if you are a Newcastle United supporter) so what is going on? And should we be encouraging young people to get involved?

* little in joke for movie buffs there.