You don’t have to follow the crowd.

Because I know a lot of poets and writers on Facebook I sometime have to resist getting dragged into bouts of mooeyness that go round. One of the latest of these is about what a great writer Paolo Coelho is (he’s not, he’s shit. Trust me. He appeals to sad, mooney hippies who are “in touch with their inner child.”
My advice to them is kill your inner child and grow up, it’s great to be a free spirited, independent minded adult.

Anyway, fed up of explaining to people why Coelho is a shit writer, (e.g. No dear, his charm is not that his prose is like a childrens book, his prose style is like something written by a child, a retarded one at that” OK, sorry, I can come across as a bit arrogant. It’s not my fault that few people have read Albert Camus, Franz Kafka, John Fowles, Marcel Proust, Soren Kierkegaad and Thomas Hardy)I found a page dedicated to unfavourable reviews of his work.

And this one stood out:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/61274520@N00/2895081859/player/
A real horse, by my Crog could probably write better prose than Paulo Coelho

The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho, is billed as a modern classic, yet I find it difficult to discern why. It has the feel of a fable; from a time as hazy as the desert in which it is set, and carries the lessons on life one would expect from such a parable. The feelings of distant memory that it creates, however, fashion a gap between the book and the reader.
It begins with Santiago, a shepherd boy, who gives up his customs to follow a dream he has, a vision of treasure found at the Egyptian pyramids. Along the way he meets a king, a crystal merchant, an Englishman, and an alchemist; all of whom, with their passing involvement, provide him with a piece of the spiritual jigsaw that is his life. Finally, when he arrives at the Egyptian pyramids, he learns a lesson in life that brings him happiness.

The novel is short, and, while it gets its message across, a number of other things suffer. The characterisation is lean; everyone is faceless, ageless, and speaks with the same voice, a voice of implied wisdom. Most characters are also nameless; even Santiago, the protagonist, is simply referred to as ‘the boy’ throughout. Setting, also, is a casualty of the book; while we follow Santiago through the desert, we never truly get the feeling of being there. We don’t feel the heat, thirst for water, or shiver when night falls.

The prose in the book is extremely simple, giving The Alchemist the feel of a children’s book. Adjectives, especially when necessary, are rare, so that most things are described as ‘the desert’, ‘a horse’, or ‘some wine’. The desert has no texture, the horse no character, and the wine no flavour. Repetition, also, lengthens the book so that, once wisdom has been spoken, it echoes through the narrative so that each action can be credited.

The Alchemist is a quick read, but it’s not a good read. It has the feeling of a bonding session in the workplace where you discuss the implications of pseudo-situations, only moved from the office to the desert. It’s a self-help book disguised as a novel, the “secrets” of life, though hardly life-changing, are listed as stages in one boy’s discovery. And if any discoveries are necessary, it’s that you don’t need this novel.

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Dr. Offit, mandatory vaccine and conflicts of interest

Last week we blogged Come Offit Doctor when the Bolshevik Broadcasting Corporation gave airtime to an American “immunity expert” who wanted to help the government persuade us vaccines should be made compulsory by law.

The BBC is required by the terms of its charter to give a balanced and objective view of all news.

There was no vaccine sceptic in the studio to provide an opposing view. Still Doctor Offit is a scientist and so could be trusted to give a balanced and objective view couldn’t he?

Could he? Make up your own minds:

From CBS News:

Paul Offit and the Vaccine Industry

By Sharyl Attkisson

For years some parents and scientists have raised concerns about vaccine safety, including a possible link to autism and ADD. Many independent experts have sided with government officials and other scientists who say there’s no possible connection. But how “independent” are they CBS News investigative correspondent Sharyl Attkisson shares here’s what she found.

They’re some of the most trusted voices in the defense of vaccine safety: The American Academy of Pediatrics, Every Child By Two, and pediatrician Dr. Paul Offit.

But CBS News has found these three have something more in common – strong financial ties to the industry whose products they promote and defend.

The vaccine industry gives millions to the American Academy of Pediatrics for conferences, grants, medical education classes and even helped build their headquarters [ … ] guess who’s listed as the group’s treasurers Officials from Wyeth and a paid adviser to big pharmaceutical clients.

Then there’s Paul Offit, perhaps the most widely-quoted defender of vaccine safety. He’s gone so far as to say babies can tolerate “10,000 vaccines at once.” This is how Offit described himself in a previous interview: “I’m the chief of infectious disease at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and a professor of pediatrics at Penn’s medical school,” he said.

Offit was not willing to be interviewed on this subject but like others in this CBS News investigation, he has strong industry ties. In fact, he’s a vaccine industry insider. Offit holds in a $1.5 million dollar research chair at Children’s Hospital, funded by Merck (makers of the MMR vaccine – Boggart Blog).

He holds the patent on an anti-diarrhea vaccine he developed with Merck, Rotateq, which has prevented thousands of hospitalizations [so it is claimed]. And future royalties for the vaccine were just sold for $182 million cash. Dr. Offit’s share of vaccine profits? Unknown.’

Dr. Paul Offit, Multi millionaire vaccine inventor
READ THE FULL CBS NEWS ARTICLE
This is a must read for anyone who has ever been sceptical about vaccines and an even muster read for those who think Big Pharma and their running dogs in the medical professions are benign, altruistic and only want to squirt poison into us for our own good.

The BBC didn’t mention any of the above information about Offit before giving him the mic. nor did it require him to declare a conflict of interest. Is there a vaccine to immunise against memory loss? Or one to prevent attacks of incompetence, laziness and shoddy research?

Or is there perhaps on being developed to prevent awkward bastards asking difficult questions, a disease that if it goes pandemic threatens the entire global totalitarian project.

Believe nobody, trust nothing except your own instinct and common sense.

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Giant Baby Leaves Hospital

Britain’s biggest baby has been allowed to return home after he almost died during birth because of his staggering size. His mother was exposed to a near fatal dose of gamma radiation in her first trimester while driving past GCHQ just as they were experimenting with scalar wave mind control weapons. This caused giant baby George King of Cheltenham to be born weighing 15lbs 7 ounces.

Asked how she felt after the birth Gorge’s mum Jade said, “It felt like I’d shat a bag of cement.

Since going home little George has been amusing himself by playing with the twenty – four ton truck his Dad drives for a living.

Video of George being rocked to sleep by an Olympic weight lifter:

The greatest tragedy of modern life?

Statistics show that women are leaving it later and later to have their first child. More children than ever before are being born to mothers between 35 and 45.

This has led on to another statistic that caught our eye.

According to the National Statistics Office Forty-something mothers are more likely to lose their baby in the first year of life.

A tragic consequence, we suppose, of not starting a family until after the age early onset dementia sets in.

Britain’s busiest Grandad

I saw a gobsmacking headline today:

Scottish lecturer found to be ‘grandfather of everyone in Britain’

A retired lecturer who took a DNA test to find out where his ancestors came from has been found to be directly descended from the first woman on earth, who lived 190,000 years ago.

Researchers from Britain’s DNA, who carried out the tests, said the result meant that in genetic terms he could be described as the “grandson of Eve, or the grandfather of everyone in Britain”.

They were so surprised by the results that they phoned Mr Kinnaird, a widower who lives in the far north of Scotland, to break the news to him.

Boggart Blog have since tried to contact him but aparently he is on the run from agents of the Child Support Agency. What we would like to know is … How did he ever find time to do any lecturing?

Read full story

Peppa Pig Is A Trotskyite Agitator

I feel ashamed of myself. After buying my five year old grandaughter loads of Peppa Pig books, toys and games over the last couple of years I learn that the badly drawn piglet is a Trotskyite agitator.

We all know plonking a child down in front of the telly for hours at a time isn?t the best way to help them play or learn. But Peppa Pig as an anti social subversive sent to turn our kids into terrorists? Or are those who associate the badly drawn baby pig with terror just paranoid?

Can seemingly innocuous cartoons really be damaging our kids? development?

Recent reports suggest toddlers favourite Peppa Pig is teaching youngsters to be naughty with parents complaining the characters? cheeky behaviour is being copied by tiny tots.

An item on that fountain of all wisdom, Mumsnet reports on a recent study of childrens’ behaviour and television under the headline “Concerns raised over Peppa Pig.”

The article goes on to say “Recent reports suggest toddlers? favourite Peppa Pig is teaching youngsters to be naughty ? Mumsnet commenter are complaining the characters cheeky behaviour is being copied by tiny tots.”*

Boggart Blog’s own research reveals that Peppa Pig (watch video) is really a Trotskyite seditionist who works for an international terror group intent on advancing a world domination agenda.

The infiltration of the media by lefties intent on bringing about a Huxleyesque “New World Order” has been widely reported in The Daily Mail and not it seems websites read by the fearful and panic stricken are joining in.

But is there any substance in these fears? Some of you might remember that 1980s & 90s tots favourite Pingu was prone to pissing on the floor or anything else that could not get out of the way. Under fives thought this was hilarious but this did not mean they all grew up to be U.S. Marines with urolagnia fetishes. (in case you need help looking that one up)

This latest report proves one again the point that Boggart Blog has made many times before. There are far too many people in our universities who have their noses in the tax revenue trough whose only skill is in doing nothing slowly. Every now and then they have to come up with these stupid reports because their research grants are up for renewal.

But if Peppa Pig is a bad influence Mrs T. and I are guilty of a far worse crime. Last year we bought Becky “The Cat In A Hat”. Now that REALLY is subversive.

*The truth is that the research on this topic is inconclusive and opinions as the the effect of television on toddlers vary widely.

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Council ‘put child, 5, into care for being obese’

A schoolchild aged five has become one of the youngest children in Britain to be taken into care for obesity reasons, it has emerged.

The child, little Rollo Lardarse who cannot be named for legal reasons, is believed to be a cousin of Cherryade Lardarse on whom Boggart Blog has previously reported. Young Rollo, whose anonymity we are will go to to great lengths to protect, reportedly had a body mass index of 22.6, which is considered clinically obese for one so young.

The boy’s father, Mr. Scoffit Lasrdarse, told our reporter, “It’s outrageous. The boy just has a healthy appetite. Loves his pizza and Mars Bar milk shakes he does.

Scoffit’s wife Mrs. Gutbucket lardarse added “Our Rollo don’t get out much coz the streets ain’t safe round here. Theres kids kicking balls about, riding bikes and skateboards an’ not lookin’ where they’re goin’ an there’s middle aged men walking up an’ down the street all day. Well we all know what they’re up to. Children ain’t safe.

So to make up to Rollo we give him a gallon bucket of his favourite pork scratchings and a family pack of Dorritos and sit him in front of his games console. He loves his games console he does.

Social services from Tameside council, Greater Manchester, decided that the child’s parents, who also cannot be identified, had failed to bring their children’s weight under control.

Mr. K. D. Fiddler, principal of the local care home, Dotheboys Hall, sounded a hopeful note. We have an outstanding record of knocking fat kinds into shape,” he told our reporter, “We did winders with Rollo’s big sister Cheryade when we had her in for a few months. A right little barrel she was when the Politically Correct SWAT team brought her in. Six months later she was like a matchstick and had that pinched, haunted look people find so attractive on little girls in Christmas cards. Oh yes, we catch them overeating in here we play hide the sausage with them.”

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Mozart Exposes Another Scientific Scam

Playing Mozart to your unborn child will not boost your intelligence, new research has found. So if you have been playing Rondo A La Turk or Eine Kleine Nachtmusic up you wife or girlfriend’s chuff tewnty-four/seven hoping it will improve your child’s performance at school or turn said child into an infant genius who gets their first PhD at age seven, give the lass a break and let her listen to some Take That or Adele..

The so called “Mozart effect” was first introduced to the public’s attention in 1993, when a “peer reviewed” study published in the prestigious and gobsmackingly pompous “scientific” journal Nature reported that fastening a set of speakers playing Mozart’s 1781 sonata for two pianos in D major (KV 488) to a pregnant lady’s belly with gaffer tape would lead to her having a super intelligent and preternaturally mature child. (OK I misrepresented that a bit for comic effect.) In fact the study showed that listening to classical music improved college students cognitive abilities compared with students who listed to other music or none at all.

Since then sales of Mozart CDs for children have become popular very popular among “Liberal” parents in the USA and Daily Mail readers in the UK. In 1998 the state of Georgia even gave every mother of a newborn baby a free classical music CD. It’s no effing wonder then that kids are all hooked on Ketamine, Miaow miaow and Crystal Meth, are sexually degenerate and are out of the streets causing trouble. The burden of such expectations and the derogatory effect of classical music on the minds of people who want only to listen to Rage Against the Machine or the simian rapping of MC Kunty Kunt and the Misogynistic Kuntz.

Some of you will have noticed that I am seldom impressed by those who call themselves “scientists” and bang on about the “scientific method” as if a bunch of addle brained coneheads in white coats are the only human beings who are capable of working methodically. Accountants are, are they not, methodical? Bookies who lay bets on horse racing and other events are, are they not, methodical? Child murderers are, are they not, methodical in the way they stalk, groom, abduct and kill their selected victims and then cover up the evidence?

Although I said this was a properly set up and conducted experiment and study, carried out scientifically by science tits using science as usual the so called scientific method got in the way of the science tits seeing what was staring them in the fucking face, i.e. that people are different and react differently to stimuli.. The findings of the classical music study, met with scepticism in the neurological community and other studies failed to reproduce the results. And no wonder, those among you who are well informed may recall Alex, the murderous young thug who is the central character in A Clockwork Orange was a big fan of Beethoven. Anthony Burgess knew just what he was doing in creating that fictional device.

Now, to determine once and for all whether the Mozart effect really exists, psychologists from the University of Vienna have conducted a meta-analysis of the results of 40 different studies involving over 3000 people worldwide.

The researchers say their findings clearly demonstrate the Mozart effect is no more than a myth.

“I recommend listening to Mozart to everyone, but it will not meet expectations of boosting a person’s cognitive abilities,” said Dr Jakob Pietschnig, who led the study.

As The Daily Stirrer has said many times, science is not a method, a religion or a political position, it is “a formal and classified body of knowledge,” (OED). Nor is it a branch of the dark arts like statistics. For a test to be scientific the conditions and results must always be the same. And babies, unscientific little fuckers that they are, have this frustrating knack of all being different.

Once again the purpose of a Daily Stirrer article on science is (apart from taking the piss out of cupid stunts who think they’re scientists because they can’t get laid) to demonstrate to people who have been brainwashed into believing science is an Almighty and omnipotent deity, that it isn’t. On a scale of human activities graded by their contribution to the greater good, modern science ranks somewhere between selling used cars and operating Ponzi schemes.

(The Mozart effect was recently ranked sixth in the book ’50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology’, authored by psychologist Scott E. Lilienfield – Read more.)

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The Relative Nature Of Poverty and the PS2 Football Game

I see the politicians are banging on about child poverty again. Cry Baby Clegg and that Tory Baldie-boke whose name I cannot remember but it sounds like an intestinal disease have been talking about social mobility and child poverty.

Boggart Blog does not approve of child poverty of course, so we believe children should be put to work to earn their own living if their families can’t provide for them. Our solution is shown in this article, A Crisis A Child Could Solve.

Unfortunately the rope sandal wearing, tree hugging lefties are even more opposed to the idea of working class people having to work for a living than they are to children being poor. So we think our simple idea to end child poverty will be stymied.

Where does that leave Clegg and that Irritable Duodenum Syndrome bloke? Well poverty is relative so we suggest all they need is a bit of perspective.

Obiously the child of a single mother living on a sink estate cannot have the same expectations as the child of a billionaire. So we suggest banning all advertising as it only raises unrealistic hopes.

With no adverts to warp their perception we predict the negotiations for a child’s birthday present may go like this.

Sink Estate Mum: What do you want for your birthday yer whining li’le shit?

Child: A Subbuteo set Mum.

SE Mother: No.They’re very expensive, I cantn’t afford one, we’re povs. If I went without cheap cider and fags for a year I still wouldn’t have enough money. But I’ll get you a blow football game from the car boot sale. It’s much more fun.

*********
Call Center Worker Mum: What do you want for your Birthday Son?

Child: Can I have a PS2 and a Pro Evo Football game?

CCW Mum: Sorry, those things are very expensive, innit. But I can get you a Subbuteo set. They are much more fun, you can get your mates round and have league and cup tournaments and go in internet forums and get groomed by paedos like what miggle class kids do…
***********

Mondeo Man Dad: What do you want for your Britday son?

Child: Can I have a Subbuteo Dad?

MM Dad: No you effing can’t.

Child: Aw Dad, you said…

MM Dad: Never mind what I said. Only nerds and paedos have them. If I get you one people will think we’re povs. You can have a PS2 and a Pro Evo Premier League football game and effing well like it.

***********

Arab Oil Sheik: What do you want for your birthday son.

Child: Can I have a new PS2 and a Pro Evo football game and a season ticket for a Premiership team and a 60″ Plasma TV with Sky Soprts so I can watch all the televised game.

Arab Oil Shiek: No sorry son, the Prophet, Peace Be Upon Him, says we must suffer in this life if we want to be accepted in theaven by Allah. You can have Manchester City.

**********

With the Boggart Blog system for abolishing child poverty nobody is happy but every child is equally unhappy. Boggart Blog, working towards a fairer world.

See, we told you there was no need to be afraid

Chief Axeman Chancellor George Osborne revealed the coalition government’s plans to cut child benefits today. It was reassuring news for tree hugging, sandal wearing liberals and people on low incomes.

The Chancellor said only those families in which the main earner pays higher rate taxation will be affected by the cut.

So all those Labour claims that the Tories were going to put poor people’s babies in pies and sausaged were nonesense … It’s only better off people’s babies that will be taken for food, because they contain more protien and essential nutrients we guess.

High Earners To Lose Child Benefit