Erm … aren’t we forgetting what democracy is about?

I only check in on Scottish blogger Stewart Cowan’s excellent Real Street Blog occasionally which is remiss of me, so I am late bringing you this thoughtful post on the question of gay marriage.

Now my attitude to this issue is that while Guardian readers seem to think same sex marriage is far and away the most pressing issue we have to deal with, ahead of the debt crisis, the age timebomb, immigration, climate chaos, overpopulation and the shrinkage of Murrry Mints, I personally don’t give a flying fuck. We have same sex civil partnerships, that’s fine; as for church marriage, it should be up to the members of that church. And I am not a member of any chuch so I would have no right to express my opinion even if I had one.

Stewart is not of the same mind however, in “Who are the real bigots” he writes:

Just to prove that the SNP are as keen to follow the same agendas as the Lib/Lab/Con Party on support for the European Union and love of social re-engineering, talk of “gay marriage” is in the air north of the Border. And just like in those other parties, people who express an opinion contrary to these agendas are portrayed as being fruit loops. People like me who argue (reasonably) calmly and logically are the “nutters” while those who try to shout down people with opposing views by calling them names and demanding they shut up and apologise, are standing proudly atop the moral high ground.

(If you want to know who the real bigots are, just look in the comment thread for that post.)

Here we get to something that does concern me a lot. While I expect the Labour party to take an authoritarian and illiberal line (after all Labour only ever approved of the working class having votes so long as the working class were voting for them) and the Tories, ex public schoolboys that they are, seem to be mostly gay or into S&M or something themselves it is appalling to see Liberal Democrats who have the shameless audacity to still use the word liberal in their name, joining the ranks of those Stewart describes, who are quick to brand anyone voicing opposition to the politically correct concensus of the ConDemLab one party state as right wing nutters. And the SNP too. It proves beyond any doubt the political class are out of touch with the voters, reality and their own sanity.

It seems we are losing sight of what democracy is all about because all polls show if this issue was put to the vote, the gay marriage campaign would lose. It will not be put to the vote for the same reason as Call Me Dave will not allow a referendum on EU membership.

Not long ago some UK libertarian bloggers had an impromptu “Laugh At California Day“, mocking the politically correct insanities and inanities of the global capital of Crazy.

My second fave post that day was on a move to take children away from parents who give their kiddies meat to eat. Favourite was a move to extend full human rights to Goldfishes.

California was the first state to enact a law permitting same sex marriage and making it compulsory for all churches including Catholics to perform same sex ceremonies (Mosques, unsurprisingly were given exemption on religious grounds, in the ConDemLab party hypocrisy is accepted, open mindedness is not) The law was later overturned in a state election but the gay lobby with the help of a gay activist appeal court judge the democratic vote was blocked (Proposition 8). That Californian law is now tied up in the US legal labyrinth and will probably never be resolved. Given that the politically correct mind runs on railway tracks and, having no reverse gear, can only go further in the same direction, how long will it be before California legalises marriage between humans and animals (but only same sex humans and animals – heterosexual beastiality, that’s disgusting and a violation of women’s rights).
And how far behind them will our own loonly lefties be.
And how far behind that will the public backlash against gays be? Or has it already started?

In a democracy the opinion of the majority does matter.

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Blair 2 – Tony, The Papal Emmissary.

What have we learned recently about Tony Blair? Well, that he’s a c ….; yes but we’ve always known he’s one of those, I was going to say that he’s a Catholic. A very recent recruit to the Catholic Church in fact. So as most Catholics are still practising after half a lifetime we have a right to expect Tone would have spent a bit more time learning the ropes before he starts lecturing more experienced Catholics on how to be good members of their religion.

Ah but Tony Blair is no ordinary mortal, he is a one man insurgency, an agent of the Dark Lords of globalisation whose job is to work insidiously to subjugate our free will, inhibit our ability to think and act of our own volition and to control our thought processes.

Since he somewhat fell from grace in the wake of the debacles in Iraq and Afghanistan the festering gobshite has been working to convince us he is really one of the good guys and is on our side and not the kind of two faced, self adoring scum – sucker who would betray his people and his nation for a smidgin of personal glory. His latest ruse in furtherance of that aim is to blether on ad nauseum about his love affair with The Vatican.

“Catholics,” he told an audience of Catholics, “should not allow aggressive secularism to gain traction in the west but should stand up for justice and solidarity.”

This may sound a bit hypocritical coming from a man whose government created a debt fuelled boom by encouraging people to get in over their heads so they could enjoy cheap facsimiles of the lifestyles Blair’s billionaire buddies habitually enjoy. But if anybody was feeling a tad embarrassed there was more on the way.

“The role of faith,” continued Tone, “is to represent God’s truth, not limited by human frailty.”

Well he should know about human frailty having himself been addicted to wealth, fame and power.

The former Prime Minister also reminded his congregation on the poor Mediterranean island of Sardinia where he had a stopover while holidaying on the five decked luxury yacht of software billionaire and Bilderberger Larry Ellison, that their religion requires of them humility (sic), compassion, charity and a rejection of wealth and materialism.

If people can comply with these requirements, Blair said, they will be granted knowledge that passes all understanding.

Blair has certainly been granted arrogance and vanity that passes all understanding but does he really think people are too stupid to work our what he is really saying, that people should forego the benefits of living in an advanced society and give up all their money because his billionaire buddies need much much more. It costs plenty to keep a five decked luxury yacht on the ocean you know and the super rich elite deserve every penny they can steal from you.

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Here’s an interesting post Obama’s Meaningless War As you read it, bear in mind the commenters on this blog who are singing Tony Blair’s praises for the good work he is doing in Afghanistan. These people either have PhDs in Stupid or are very very young because they seem oblivious to the fact that if the traitor and war criminal Blair had not agreed to support Bush’s invasion of Afghanistan, Bush would have hardly dared go in alone and the whole bloody (literally) mess would not have started. So rather than talking about what a wonderful dude Blair is for saying how we should all join hands and sing Kum-fucking-bya, thousands of Afghan men, women and children would not have died had that self serving piece of shit had shown the slightest trace of moral fibre.

People who come to this blog and post insuting comments should expect no mercy.

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Greenteeth Comedy Pages
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Schismism: So You’re Church Of England? What’s To Confess?

It is quite a long time since we reported on the schism in the Church Of England. You might well think the final disintegration of Henry VIII’s project had been postponed. Or maybe you though it was Boggart Blog out tabloiding the red tops again by blowing up a rumour into a big story.

Well you would be wrong. The Schism is going ahead at the usual pace that change happens in The Church Of England. Anglicans have ever been experts at doing nothing slowly so doing something as big as splitting into two or more churches is going to take … well not quite eternity, only God is eternal and even then we are not necessarily talking about the God of cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off, bourbon creams if you’re feeling a bit racy, and more tea vicar?

The Church’s problems seen to centre on disagreement over its attitude to homosexuals. While the liberal faction, like the Labour Party, tend to the view that homosexuality is a sacred obligation the evangelical Anglicans think any man who wears a pastel coloured shirt should have bamboo shoots planted under his fingernails, his penis nailed to a coffee table, sulphuric acid pumped up the hole in his bottom and be imprisoned in a dungeon with beige walls.

With so little distance between their positions we would think the two sides ought to be able to reach an amicable compromise.

Leading this move towards a firmer line on the treatment of homosexuals is an organisation called FCA, the Fellowship Of Confessing Anglicans. What’s to confess? Has being and Anglican become a crime without my noticing. I mean, being a pagan I thought I would be the one being thrust into a wicker man and set alight but as usual it seems Chistians are more enthusiastic about attacking each other.

Perhaps at meeting members of the FCA have to stand up and say “My name is Ralph and I’m an Anglican.” They then learn to line dance and become a twelve-stepper.

The FCA say liberal attitudes are undermining the authority of the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Church’s moral message.

Maybe so but won’t banning homosexuals result in the Church losing half its clergymen?

Schismism

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The Stools Of Satan

An American Evangelical “Rhinestone” Pastor is on tour in Britain, his mission is to save our stools. Joel Osteen, leader of the independent Lakewood Church (independent, that is, of any identifiable religious philosophy except the Gospel of Saint Geldof; “give us yer fokkin’ money.”)
It is perhaps not fair to expect Osteen to have any understanding of Christian theology though, he attended Oral Roberts University, the premier training camp for America’s Bible Belt preachers, but dropped out after only one term. This he explains by saying he “felt called to start his own mission. In actual fact the death of his Dad created a vacancy he was only too ready to fill so as preaching was the family business, job training and qualifications ceased to be an issue.

Not that much goes on in Joel’s megachurch, actually a converted baseball stadium, that could in any conventional way be compared to the sermon’s of your local C of E vicar or Roman Catholic priest. And not only does Osteen eschew the gentle, inclusive doctrines of the liberal churches, he has no time for the hellfire and damnation of the traditional Pentecostalist ranters either. His message could be described as The Gospel of The American Dream, the worship of The Bitch Goddess Success. Joel Osteen’s mission is to tell people what they want to hear in order to part them from their money. It is the traditional skill of the confidence trickster.

Though he may not know much about the Christian faith that he preaches, Pastor Osteen does know a thing or two about financial success. His services, which are a cross between a Heavy Metal concert and a Nuremberg Rally regularly pull audiences of 30,000 and are watched by TV audiences averaging almost 20million. Lakewood Chuch has its own TV station of course funded by the faithful who cough up enough of their hard – earned to give the church an annual budget of $75 million, plenty to fund the conversion of a former baseball stadium into the “Church” that is headquarters to a corporate operation.

The God of Lakewood Church as it happens is a good God, a loving God who wants us to be successful in our lives. And so Lakewood God rewards those who kiss His butt with career progression and material gain. And how do Lakewoodians worship God in order to gain these beneficences? Well you just have to mention the words God and Jesus as many times as you can. If anybody got through the bodyguards and PR people to ask how he relates this to the advice given by Jesus to avoid “praying in the street like the hypocrites” I have the feeling his answer would be “What the hell did Jesus know about Christianity?”

Boggart Blog readers, even the practising Christians, being intelligent, worldly folk, will recognise that saying “God is good” or “Jesus loves us” many times is not actually a guarantee that good things will come your way. Its fair to ask then how does Osteen explain to some devout and faithful follower that despite their devotions and contributions they are suffering from an incurable cancer, their beloved partner has died in an accident or one of the kids is hooked on crack.

The Lakewood PR machine is strangely silent on such things. They have no message for the poor, the sick and disabled, those struggling with pain or grief. They are never going to “do well” and so Lakewood God, Joel Osteen’s God is not interested.

Bizarrely Joel is interested in the obesity problem though, and as he is based in Texas, the fat capital of the world he has plenty to deal with. But his nutritional message is as whacky as his religion. My friend Sandy Knaur first brought this bogus preacher to my attention in an article at Authorsden.

Just as God can change your life He can change your bowel movements too.

“God wants you to be healthy, God wants you to feel good, but the Devil tempts with a bad diet, high in fat and sugar.” The majority of Americans, claims Osteen, pass “long thin strings of blue black stools,” (Boggart Blog has dubbed these The Stools Of Satan”, Osteen could never be that poetic,) because of their unhealthy diet. This diet also causes American’s to develop colonic plaque, all that sticky stuff builds up on the walls of your colon and you become constipated and feel lousy. At the time of their deaths, Elvis Presley was weighed down by thirty pounds of this faecal goo while John Wayne was packing forty pounds. It was all because they ate The Devil’s Diet and passed The Stools of Satan. Lakewood Christians are exhorted to eat a good diet in reward for which God will deconstipate them, send them some nice, thick. conker brown turds, (Jesus Jobbies?) and make them feel better.

What I notice about these moneyministries is the way the preachers always twist perfectly commonplace things to give credit to God for something totally unremarkable. It makes poo lady Gillian McKeith seem almost sane. If you eat a healthier diet and cut down on deep fried lard you’re going to feel better. Its a no brainer.

Well Elvis and John Wayne might have been stuffed with colonic plaque because of their bad diet, but if Joel Osteen ate only bran and beans he would still be full of shit.

Let us pray that nobody in Britain falls for the evil nonsense of this sleazy con man who preys on the insecure and vulnerable.

Is it time for a Protestant Pope?

The new Pope has proved a disappointment to many people already, having made it clear that the Catholic church’s stance on abortion, contraception, celibate priests (i.e. no sex, but fiddling with the altar boys does not count) homosexuality (i.e. no same gender sex, but fiddling with the altar boys does not count) and women will not change one iota. And there will be lots of new saints. And lots of new Saint merchandising opportunities.

A problem for all of us regardless of our faith is that whoever is chosen as Pope will automatically become a major player on the world political stage but will represent only Roman Catholics and only rich Roman Catholics at that. Imagine the furore if President Bush had been inaugurated only to represent Southern Baptists, Tony Blair’s loyal oath bound him only to consider the interests of Church of England members, or Jaques Chirac decided only to act on behalf of Jaques Chirac… ah – erm Jaques Chirac does only act on behalf of Jaques Chirac doesn’t he?

The problem with this whole Pope business lies in the fact that Catholics are such a close bunch, all that “one true church” business and the mystery of transubstantiation and stuff like that has put it into their collective consciousness that the rest of us do not deserve a say in what happens in the world of silly hats and candlesticks, that the whole ecumenical movement is for us to learn from them but not for them to learn from us. And so our suggestions that maybe God gave us condoms because He was trying to tell us there are enough people now and He does not want anybody to go hungry fall on deaf ears.

That they are so clannish is a great pity because the catholic and protestant movements are closer to each other now than at any time since the schism.
When Martin Luther went to Rome to discuss the problems German communicants were having with certain superstitions, particularly the business of communion bread and wine turning into the flesh and blood of Jesus he met similar intransigence.

“Give us a break,” Luther said to Pope Leo, “we’re not barbarians in Germany. We can live with the communion symbolising the flesh and blood, but actually changing in our mouths, that’s gross.”

“Eff off,” said Leo. “I’m the Pope, its my church and what I say goes, if you don’t like it start your own church.”

Luther went off in a huff and months later news drifted back to Rome that he was into the Diet of Worms.

“See, I told you they are barbarians, Catholics will stick with Atkins variants,” Pope Leo told his Cardinals.

For a few centuries it looked as if the two sides would never see eye to eye but in the late twentieth century a tide of social change began after The Beatles released Sgt. Pepper. The traditional churches had to respond to the new popularity of Eastern mysticism and crackpot New Age belief systems. Both Catholic and fundamentalist protestant dogma adapted to embrace extreme ideas. Both factions dislike contraception, abortion, homosexuality and women. Especially women.

It seems obvious therefore that if both sides can find a little goodwill and flexibility there is no reason why we cannot have a Protestant candidate for the papacy. I deliberately exclude The Church of England on grounds that not only is it not a protestant church that has no problem with abortion, contraception, homosexuality and women but also that it does seem to have a bit of a problem with concept of God. You might wonder where this is heading, after all if Protestant and Catholic are so similar nothing would change much anyway. Ah the perils of short – termism.

Given the obvious flaws in the democratic system of The Church of Rome and commitments expressed by Bush and Blair to spreading true democracy ought we not to be badgering our politicians to occupy the Vatican, effect regime change and pave the way for future Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Scientologist and Moonie Popes. A Protestant Pope would just be the single step with which ever journey begins. Imagine a world in which Pope Dalai Lama the first had some influence.

Time is of the essence because the new bloke is well past seventy and unlikely to stick around for twenty odd years.

Demand a Protestant Pope now, you know it makes sense.

END