Banished To The Party Leaders’ Debate

Looking forward to tonights TV. I swear Myanna Buring (pictured right) in Banished is getting more gorgeous every week. Myanna Buring as convict Elizabeth As for the rest of the nights TV, it doen’t hold much promise. The two hour comedy special ITV has lined up could only appeal less if Lenny Henry, Marcus Brigstock and Dara O’Boring had got the gig insead of Cameron, Clegg and Miliband.

As the party leader’s pre – election debates are the main talking point of the day it would be remiss of the nations primary satirical news blog (that’s us) to let the event pass without some gesture.

With this in mind, Boggart Blog will offer a bottle of Bollinger to the first journalist with the chutzpah to ask Ed Miliband if he has the Balls to follow an economic policy that will not bankrupt the nation.

Other news; we hear Nigel Farage has embarked on a pub crawl round Manchester, in order to test the opinion of the city’s ordinary people.

The Reality Party are attempting to obtain a last minute High Court injunction preventing the broadcast going ahead without their leader, Bez (formerly of The Happy Mondays altered reality Britpop band) on the platform, and Nick Clegg has totally lost the plot.

Many people may be surprised to learn the Lib Dem leader is still alive, but according to rumour he is still the deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, and has been out campaigning. In a press event yesterday Clueless Clegg declared it would be “hugely unjust” if people with depression were prevented from working as airline pilots.

I’m sure we all see his point: the risk that a pilot suffering from depression might deliberately crash his plane, killing 150 people on board is a trifle compared to the need of self righteous liberals and lefties to make a sanctimonious, ‘look at me’ statement that will earn a few facebook likes from mental health lobbyists for defending nutters’ rights.

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I remember

As the election dominates news and continues to bore the pants off everyone, we feel a kind of early silly season coming on. Therefore, a propos of nothing:

Former Australian Prime Minister the late Gough Whitlam was not a wit on a par with David Lloyd George, Winston Churchill or Dennis Skinner. In fact he couldn’t even match George (Gideon) Osborne or Andy Burnham in the witty banter department. But one Whitlam one liner is worth recalling.

Accused of uttering a profanity in the Australian Parliament, Whitlam replied:

“Never in the House did I use the word which comes to mind. The nearest I came to doing so was when Sir Winton Turnbull, a member of the cavalleria rusticana, was raving and ranting on the adjournment and shouted: ‘I am a Country member.’ I interjected, ‘I remember.’

He others said that he could not understand why, for the first time in all the years he had been speaking in the House, there was instant and loud applause from both sides.

Another Country Member ?

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg (yes, he’s still alive), currently the deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, declared it would be “hugely unjust” if people with depression were prevented from working as airline pilots. I’m sure we all see his point: the risk that a pilot suffering from depression might deliberately crash his plane, killing 150 people on board, weighs very lightly in the balance against the need to make a sanctimonious statement that will win applause from mental health lobbyists.

This Is What A Hypocrite Looks Like

The “This is what a feminist looks like” t-shirt proudly worn by Harriet Harman during Prime Ministers Questions last Wednesday was made by factory girls in the Mauritius who earn just 62p an hour and sleep 16 to a room. The shirts are currently being sold at Whistles for £45 each, with all profits donated to the Fawcett Society, a campaigning group for women’s rights.

The t-shirts are being promoted by women’s magazine Elle in their forthcoming edition, which features a number of men including Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, Labour Leader Ed Miliband, and the actors Benedict Cumberbatch, Richard E Grant and Simon Pegg all sporting the shirt.

Prime Minister David Cameron landed himself in hot water by repeatedly refusing to take part in the feature by wearing one of the shirts, but it appears that he may have the last laugh as an investigation by the Mail on Sunday has revealed that the girls making the shirts are committed to 45 hour weeks for which they are paid just 6000 rupees – about £120 – a month, meaning that it would take them a week and a half to earn the money required to buy one of the shirts.

Francois Woo, managing director of CMT’s factory in La Tour Koenig, north Mauritius told the Mail: “The Mauritian government has set out a minimum wage that we must pay and we abide by their rules. “I am like a parent to the workers. They are free to come and go as they please but if they go out on a weeknight I will not be happy because then they will turn up for work the next day hung-over.

If people didn’t want to work for us then they don’t have to, nobody is forcing them. If they have the chance to earn more somewhere else then they should go elsewhere. If they didn’t like it, then we would not have existed as a company for 28 years.”

But the workers disagreed. One 30 year old migrant worker told a Mail On Sunday investigative reporter: “I have worked here for four years and I have not been able to see my son or husband in Bangladesh during all that time. We work very hard, sometimes 12 hour days, for not much money. I send all my money home and could not afford to fly back and see my family.”

Another said, “It is awful but we have no choice. In my country, the rupees I earn here are worth three times as much as they are in Mauritius. “How can this T-shirt be a symbol of feminism?”

And that £45 price tag? I phoned my bother who has a clothing business, he reckons he could buy that quality T shirt with a better slogan for £5 and retail at £10. So we must wonder how much of the £35 ectra profit is going to charity and how much is landing in the pockets of hypocrites promoting this ‘feminist’ ( for which read Marxist) shite?

Boggart Blog Says ‘Become A Feminist and Support Slavery

Nick Clegg Promises Us Anything We Want If Lib Dems Win The Election

According to The Currant Bun today,

“Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has said his party will abolish jail sentences for drug possession if he wins the next election. The Liberal Democrats proposal would lead to prison sentences abolished in England and Wales even for possession of Class A drugs such as heroin and cocaine.”

Can’t fault the lad for trying. But let’s be realistic, the Liberal Democrat could promise each and every one of us everything we have always desired, a million pound, a Ferrari, a villa in Majorca, Charity from Emmerdale dressed in Agent Provocateur lingerie, a gold plated iPad, a box of chocolates and a long stemmed rose, a perpetual motion engine, a round tuit, everlasting youth and undiminished virility, anything – so long as it carries the proviso “if we win next year’s election.”

Because after five years of observing Mr. Clegg’s idea of keeping his election promises, nobody is going to fall for it.

Just as an aside, UKIP won a local council by election in Worthing last night. This is hardly significant but coming alongside a sudden eagernes among the main party leaders to be seen taking a tougher line on immigration, it is quite amusing.

As John Harris, one of the Guardian’s less fanatical writers commented today, “attempts by Labour to tackle UKIP head-on by trying to appear tough on immigration could backfire as “there are few spectacles less convincing than lefty-liberals affecting to get tough” on this and that, while actually dying inside.”

And just to remind you what a leftie trying to appear tough while dying inside looks like here’s a reminder of Ed Miliband’s attempt to get tough on a bacon sarnie.

ed and bacon

Oh Nigel, You Cad. Clegg Caught you Telling A Porkie

farage clegg europe debatePicture source: BBC News

The mainstream media commentariat (Ed Bollocks fans, and wannabe Euro Federalists all, even those who work for The Telegraph and The Daily Mail) are trying to spin the EU Election debate between Nick Clegg and Nigel Farage as a win for Clegg and a display of embarrassing ineptitude from Farage. Fortunately we the punters mistrust the media more than any other profession … except maybe politicians, lawyers, accountants, bankers, doctors, scientists, teachers and civil servants.

We would rather trust estate agents, used car salesmen and pensions brokers that journalists, but only just. And with good reason it seems because apart from those media shills, anyone who watched the debate (I didn’t myself) seems to score it a win on points for Farage. Clegg even had to resort to accusing his opponent of telling porkies:

“He accused Farage of not telling the truth in claiming the population of Romania and Bulgaria is 29 million. Who in the audience was to know that the real figure is 28.635 million? Clegg must have known but it didn’t stop him. “He also accused Farage of supporting a tyrant, Vladimir Putin to which Farage replied: ‘I don’t support Putin … but if you poke the Russian bear with a stick he will respond‘. A fair point, well made.

Not only a failure to score the point, but for its nitpicking irrelevancy an epic fail typical of an EU bureaucrat, which is perhaps a hint about where Clegg will be heading when he loses his Sheffield Hallam seat at the next election.

As for the debate itself, (‘scuse me while I light a Chuchillian cigar) Never … has so much of so little substance … been said to so many by so few.

Clegg dared to claim that EU membership is about “your job – or the job of someone you know” and “if we cut ourselves off from Europe, jobs will be lost”. Clegg’s image of a post-EU Britain as a kind of western North Korea, isolated, impoverished and living on porridge is risible.

No one is proposing to “pull up the drawbridge”, as he ridiculously put it – we would continue trade, just as well as Norway and Switzerland do now. We would not be “withdrawing from the world’s largest economy”. Pulling out of the EU (in time to avoid spawning that Federal European Superstate – well catholicism is the largest religion in Europe) would not stop us trading with EU nations, as Norway, Switzerland and other non EU European nations do now, in fact without the dead hand of EU bureaucracy stifling our advantages we would probably do better.

Only an agenda driven ideologue would suggest that leaving the EU would be as big a social disaster as was New Labour’s policy of exporting proper jobs to low labour cost nations and masking the mass unemployment by vastly expanding the public payroll. Only an idiot or an economists (which are the same thing) thinks that hiring a million tax eaters results in the economy growing.

Mr Farage has spent years on the town-hall circuit revving up the party faithful, so his rhetoric tends to be even more overblown. Does observing European law really represent “the destruction of all the great principles of British liberty”? The laws in most European nations are very similar to ours as a result of what is mistakenly called “The Judeo – Christian culture” (really it’s the Romano – Germanic culture)

What is really debilitating is EU bureaucracy and the way we are surrendering sovereignty to unelected officers of the European Commission.

Farage however has built his political career on exposing the flaws in EU membership. If polls are in any way indicative of reality (and Labour supporting science heads tell me statistics are always right, cuz its science, innit?) UKIP are on the verge of a potentially game changing victory in the Euro elections. This is largely because Nigel Faragem whatever his faults, has an ability all other politicians have lost; he speaks the language of the man in the pub.

The public are not stupid which is why Labour are tanking in the aforementioned polls. Punters recognise facts presented in ways that related to ordinary lives, not the lives of posh boy politicians, greedy bankers and reality challenged academics, clear, simple arguments resonate with the voters, and that, according to what I see and hear, Farage won.

Scaremongering about our reliance on membership of the EU, or fantasies about how the economy will benefit from mass immigration are seen for what they are, politically correct bullshit. The EU empire is crumbling before it even got off the ground, as those of us who understand economics (i.e. are NOT economists) always predicted it would. The Eurozone buys more from us than we buy from them, so they need us more than we need them. They also need our £40 million a day cash injection because like all bureaucracies, Brussels eats other peoples’ money.

Farage makes a good, clear case for a British exit and not only was it well argues, it was what the majority of people wanted to hear.

The Death By Debt Of Western Civilization

debt burden
Picture: The Debt Burden. Source: financialhelper.co.uk

For every £1 which the Labour government added to the British economy between 2001 and 2009, they added £5.40 in debt (source below). That statistic puts into perspective the news that unemployment is down, inflation is on target and growth is up. This does not really mean the economy is staging a Lazarus style comeback. It is bad news really because the wrong message will be inferred, as Cameron’s showboating in Parliament and Gideon’ Osborne’s jumping on the conference table in Davos and yelling, “We’re the Bits, we’re well hard and we’ll take you all on,” have demonstrated.

Among the youngish men who have never had a proper job in the real world but think a PhD in Philosophy, Politics and Economics and a few years experience as a political researcher makes them an expert in everything Nick Clegg is furthest off the mark in thinking that the signs point to closer links with Europe and eventual entry into the Single Currency system. He wants more public spending and will we all stop accusing pervy Lib Dem politicians with perviness please. Boris Johnson has argued in the past that we should “dump the rhetoric of austerity today,” while rousing choruses of “Happy Days Are Here Again” have been heard around Conservative headquarters. At a time when the economic situation demands a serious attempt is made to explain why austerity is necessary and a more vigorous implementation is vital, the Prime Minister and Chancellor want us to buy bigger houses, the Deputy Prime Minister wants to spend more and the Mayor of London wants us to close our eyes and ears and pretend we’re in a safe place.

If the latest statistics tell us anything at all, it is that despite that the official huffing and puffing about recovery, Britain’s economy has run aground on the shoals of stagnation (don’t we British love a nautical metaphor). There many be more jobs, but we must remember that many of them are part-jobs, only offering twenty or thirty hours work per week. This is evidenced by the lower productivity and no real growth in the economy.

Let’s be honest for a while, pumping the equivalent of five per cent of GDP into the economy by printing money (aka Quantitative Easing) while only managing to show two per cent growth is a recipe for financial catastrophe. And with official inflation still running ahead of GDP growth (and real inflation even higher) in real terms the economy is still shrinking. If people earn roughly the same as they did seven years ago, before the credit crunch, and the real cost of living has risen in the region of four to five per cent each year, the difference in lifestyle will be enormous.

While interest base rates (the rate government lends to banks) remain near zero while the banks charge much higher interest rates for lending the money straight back to government at over three per cent (yes, that’s how Quantitative Easing works when governments have a structural deficit), costs will continue to rise and wages will not . Currencies will continue to go down like the proverbial Lead Zeppelin against commodities and energy costs will go on rising. We truly do live in Interesting Times, and they will not be ending soon.

The question of when Britain will return to real growth as opposed to growth through manipulated statistics (there’s an election just over a year away remember) is difficult, but from every side of the argument there is one common but completely wrong headed assumption, that if we follow the right policies now then we will be back up and running at 3pc annual growth in three or four years.

The fault lies with neither Labour, Conservative nor even Coalition government. The rot set in decades ago, when Margaret Thatcher’s government (and Ronald Reagan’s administration in the USA) started to base their economic policies on the Kumbayaism of academics rather than the sound advice of people who ran businesses. Back then the panacea that did not work was controlling the money supply. Yes, it would be lovely if we had free trade and everybody could sell their goods on equal terms in a free market, without let or hinderance. Such utopianism is fine on paper, where the economics of academia start and end. but exporting jobs to India and China in the sure and certain knowledge of those nations buying services from our countries that they could provide more cheaply and just as efficiently “in house” and buying into our values and tradition of fair play was just delusional.

So we are stuck, economies go west as jobs disappear over the eastern horizon while national, business and personal wealth disappears down the drain. One of the big problems those visionary economists were too myopic to see even though it was staring them in the face is that if you create a huge pool of Labor by exporting jobs, it places an enormous financial burden on the state as welfare and social security bills rocket. This forces up taxes and eventually, as higher taxes cause more unemployment it leads to more borrowing in the bond markets to fund the deficit. Every bond sold increases the amount of interest the government must pay which again forces up taxes. It is a series of concentric vicious circles.

And example of the sheer idiocy of academic economists like Paul Krugman (Krugmanomics) is their belief that increasing benefits (funding the extra spending through borrowing of course) contributes to GDP growth. They are too naive, too ignorant of real life, to understand that GDP is only a measure of churn in the economy. An increase in GDP does not indicate greater productivity.

Until low income earners have the tax burden lifted, which would mean getting the deficit (NOT the National Debt, that’s a different problem) to near zero, consumption spending will be low and living standards will decline. The Conservatives seem to understand this but do not have a clue how to achieve it, while Labour are still advocating their own version of Krugmanomics, created by finance spokesman Ed Balls, which future historians may come to call Bollocksonomics. Bollocksonomics involves expanding the public sector vastly by creating non – jobs in town halls and government departments. A non – job is a position which caries a salary without any job description, functions or tasks having been defined. For examples non – jobs follow this link.

Such drastic deficit reduction also cannot happen without people accepting that others can afford to give them less through the state. That won’t happen at all, one only need witness the wailing and gnashing of teeth from the hand wringers and bleeding hearts of the Labour voting, middle class left at any mention of benefit cuts to understand why.

The political will, and more importantly the reforming zeal needed to take on the smug, affluent wailers just isn’t there. Another fly in the ointment is the grip on the public sector of the Unite Union, an anti British organisation that will do absolutely anything to prevent necessary reforms to the financially crippling benefit system.

Soon none of this will matter. The compound effect of the rapidly increasing debt burden we are under will be such that the deficit will need to rise again to sustain it. Add to that the financial disaster that will ensue should Labour return to power in 2015 as well they might, and open up the borders to uncontrolled immigration (as they certainly will) while giving those unskilled immigrants generous benefits and free health care, and the debt burden will reduce us to a Greek style basket case economy by the end of their first term.

Further Reading: Perfect Storm by Dr. Tim Morgan, Tullett Prebon

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Nick Clegg’s Kids Will Attend Same School As Tony Blair’s Did.

The London Oratory School is a Catholic faith school, well the lovely Miriam is spanish so that’s OK but even so Nick is in trouble over the decision. In the 2010 election manifesto you see, the Lib Dems promised to put an end to faith-based admissions arrangements.

“We will ensure that all faith schools develop an inclusive admissions policy and end unfair discrimination on grounds of faith when recruiting staff, except for those principally responsible for optional religious instruction,” it said.

Now those nasty Tories and Labourites are accusing Nick of betraying his principles.

Unfair we say, how can he betray his principles when he hasn’t got any.

Et Tu Lembit – Lib Dem Chief Alien Abductee Plots Against Clegg

Liberal Democrat activists are planning an attempt to make it easier to oust Nick Clegg as leader.

Ex-MP and Cheeky – girl shagger Lembit Opik is behind the move, which would allow a few hundred people attending the party’s annual conference to give the leader the boot.

A few hundred Lib Dems? Looks like Nick’s job is safe for the next ten years then.

Onesie Clegg Goes From Bad To Worse

It has ben a bad week for Liberal Democrat leader and Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, bad even by his standards. And it is getting worse.

After taking part in an LBC radio phone in Mr. Clegg was first cornered and forced to admit the party’s performance was woeful. Later in the session he was accused of patronising voters.

A Sheffield University student named Lauren Archer said Lib Dem policy initiatives were “tokenistic” and accused the Government of discouraging young people from gaining qualifications by abolishing the educational maintenance allowance and increasing tuition fees.

“It seems as if the coalition is trying to tell them that higher education is not for them,” said Miss Archer. Mr Clegg’s snarky response gave the impression he thought little people like Ms Archer had no right to question their betters.

She later Tweeted: “Must say, I really enjoyed being treated as if I had the political knowledge of a five-year-old.”

To cap it all Clegg was then outed as the one of a onesie, one of those adult sized romper suits the metropolitian elite have taken to wearing when they feel the need to curl up in the foetal position and suck their little thumbs.

What might Nick Clegg look like in his onesie. Boggart Blog’s insider at Lib Dem HQ sent us this picture.

onesie-clegg

All together now … … Awwwwwwww Bless.

The Brave Class Warriors Of UK Uncut

Simon Hope is working-class hero. Who says? Well, he does for a start. Not that Simon is working class himself He is one of the exclusively middle class denizens of the UK Uncut movement which protests against the goverrnment’s austerity programme and policy of cuts to public spending, although no cuts have actually been made yet though the rate of increase in public spending has been slowed.

UK Uncut are people who have decided to carry fighting the class wars of the past on behalf of the “poor” who cannot be arsed fighting any more or have decided that if being better off involves piling up a mountain of personal debt and possibly having you kids end up like members of UK Uncut maybe affluence is not all it is cracked up to be. Last Saturday Simon Hope decided it would be a fun day out for his four-year-old daughter if he took her on a protest outside Nick Clegg’s house. Yes, Simon. We can see that every 4 year old’s idea of fun is to go on a political protest, wave placards, chant Trotskyite mantras and sing revolutionary songs. And it might be a formative experience for the child. Barack Obama wrote in his book Dreams From My Father that he clearly remembers Pappy Bammy taking his beloved son to a civil right protest that took place several months before Obama could have been conceived. These protests are experiences that make a powerful impression on the young.

Simon and his daughter had about 300 of their friends with them from the UK Uncut protest movement. All were exactly as self righteous and pompous as Simon, all were equally sure they were serving the interests of the great mass of people who “have no voice” although they can shout loudly enough when their team is winning a football match.

The protest was a bit pointless as Nick Clegg and his family were not at home. UK Uncut weren’t just protesting of course, they were having a “family-friendly street party”. It involved music (of a political nature), poetry (of a political nature), comedy (of a political nature), games (spot the Tory, pin the tail on the class traitor, blind person’s benefit claim), and the most essential component of all street parties, a people’s assembly to discuss the alternatives to austerity.

Family friendly though? Does family friendly fun require the attendance of scores of plain-clothed or uniformed (and possibly armed) police officers? Well better that the cops were helping friendly families to have fun at a street party than sitting around drinking tea down the sstation. I mean it’s not as if there are and murderers, rapists, robbers, muggers or fraudsters out there who need to be banged up is it?

Of course, everything UK Uncut was did was entirely legal, after all many of them are sons and daughters of lefty lawyers. Or it would be legal if you ignore the blockading of a quiet, suburban street without obtaining permission from the council or the consent of residents. The organisers of the UK Uncut protest have a bizarre idea of what is family fun is if their think the residents of the street found it fun to be blockaded into their homes.

The protestors’ press release actually describes the event as a “secret plan” (a secret plan announced in a press release? What kind of secret is that? A caring, sharing secret I suppose.). For another, the plan involved a “clandestine (sic) rendezvous at 11.30am, in which “four groups of hundreds of people would come from different meeting points across London, before converging on Waterloo”.

Now call me oldfashioned if you like possums, but if you have a street party it’s a good idea to make sure local residents of the street you’re holding the party in actually want the poetry, songs, games and comedy of a political nature, the people’s assembly to discuss the alternatives to democracy, don’t you? To be sure they actually want all this joyous and carefree carousing, this modern Bacchanal going on in their street. I mean, to just descend on them mob handed from four different meeting points across London seems a bit inconsiderate.

Nick Clegg probably wouldn’t have wanted it if he had been at home for the weekend, according to UK Uncut he’s the “architect of austerity” and so must be a Scrooge like figure who steals children’s sweets and says Bah! Humbug! a lot. Even worse he’s “a millionaire and lives in a million-pound home” according to one protester. Oh well, he’s obviously Belzebub, Cthuhu and Iggy The barebum Firebobby all rolled into one then.

But what about the other people who live in that street? Well screw them. goes the UK Uncut official line. They probably live in million-pound homes too, right? But at any rate these are family homes occupied by professionals so the man of the house is not likely to be hard is he? I mean it’s not as if the street is in The North or Scotland. The wives are not likely to be as fearsome as Vera Duckworth either although thry might be intimidating in a Hyacinth Bucket sort of way. And the kids will not be chavs who might torch a protestors trousers for a laugh but well mannered, privately educated children who have been taught to despise themselves because they are not black and growing up in a famine stricken African village.

So the class warriors of UK Uncut can parade their moral certainties safe in knowledge that nobody will try to shift the debate to a language that would be understood in Salford, Toxteth, Byker or Easterhouse. It’s easy to be hard when you know you’ll only face softlads and mollycoddled children. Well done UK Uncut, you patronising middle class bastards.

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